COVER VERSIONS

When it’s Heartbeat on one side and Strictly Dance Fever on the other - you can do worse than tune in to ‘The Hits’. On Sunday it was ‘The top 20 Amazingly Bad Cover Versions’. This turned out to be a delight for the discerning TV viewer.

As I hit the remote I was instantly treated to ‘The Cheeky Girls’ singing ‘Hooray, Hooray, it’s a Cheeky holiday’. Have you ever noticed that they look suspiciously like two skinny Carol Vordemans? Next, Billie Piper with thunder thighs sang ‘Thank Abba for the music’ with Steps and B*witched.

There were two Madonna covers. Kelly Osbourne (at no 3) did ‘Papa don’t Preach’ - not too awful - but she’ll be laughing all the way to the bank with her ‘Accessorise’ handbag contract. The other was an execrable version of ‘Like a little Prayer’ by Mad’house (don’t forget the apostrophe) This was more like it - a girl with bad hair sitting on a black PVC chair from the local tip plus a male torso with a piece of purple silk. Something for everyone there.

But then we got Lady Madonna her worshipful self singing ‘American Pie’ She didn’t move about much on that video did she? Have you noticed she always wears long sleeves these days?

After an excruciatingly embarrassing duet (Long & Winding Road) from Gareth and Will who were obviously in pain, we got a the no1 from Rick Waller. No comment necessary.

Cilla’s no 1 hit version of ‘Anyone who had a heart’ was an opportunist cover of Dionne Warwick’s USA hit. Brits would do this to beat the Americans as it took some time to get their versions across the Atlantic.

Woolworths used to sell Embassy records which were all covers. Your Auntie Maude would buy them for Christmas presents. It turns out that they featured many stars of the future (e.g. Elton John) and are quite collectable nowadays.

Must go now - I’m off to watch ’50 Amazingly Bad Love Songs’
KAZ