Wednesday, June 07, 2006

KNICKERS

I always dread my bag being opened at customs. Not because I’m carrying any illegal substances but because I wear big knickers.

You may remember that I’m just a mere slip of a person. The words ‘voluptuous’ and ‘curvaceous’ do not apply to me. I just hate tight pants. I don't enjoy having my lower half crushed in a vice like grip. So I buy them 2 or 3 sizes too big.

A student of knickers should visit Primark (OK I know I’m always on about Primark - it’s my short cut from the bus station). For less that 2 quid you can fulfil your wildest knicker dreams. They sell thongs, G-strings, French knickers, cami-knickers, boxers, elasticated support pants, bikinis, strings, tangas and just pants.

Wearing one of their G-strings trimmed with lace would be like having barbed wire between your buttocks.

I used to wear support knickers - but V.P.L. was a problem when I had to turn round to write on the board. Lesley recommended the ‘cycle shorts’ that she buys from M&S - they hug you cruelly from waist to knee. No VPL but they had to come off before lunchtime. Poor Eileen did her back in at her Dad’s funeral by pulling them up too quickly in the ladies.

So I’ve tried all sorts of ‘below the belt underwear’ and simply settled for cotton briefs designed for a bigger person.

If necessary I could carry home several plastic bags of white powder inside them.


Searching for a picture for this post was very …er… interesting. I learnt a lot!

Suffice it to say that I am very surprised at ‘Google’.

KAZ

17 Comments:

Blogger MJ said...

Yay! I'm first!
You mean that's not you in the pic?

8:06 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

mj - Of course it's me!

8:21 am  
Blogger Saffyre said...

lol, that made me laugh. I can only imagine what images google threw out if you typed in knickers!!

9:06 am  
Blogger Betty said...

Heard a conversation in Primark between two rather respectable looking fiftysomething women the other day:

First woman: "What I can't stand is when you see those girls wearing a thong which shows above their jeans".

Second woman: "I know, it's horrible, I could never do that".

First woman: "Me neither".

3:41 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hi Saffyre - You should have seen what I got when I typed in 'thong'.

Betty - One of them was me, I still look fifty something.
Oh no - just noticed you said 'respectable looking'.

4:28 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

You see, you leave a comment at my place, I come over here to find out what you are up to, and there is all this stuff not suitable for a gentleman of my years who hasn't had his breakfast yet. I need to lie down for a while.

8:29 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Sorry Vicus - Are you going to lie down on your own?
Anyway, compared to me - you're a mere slip of a lad!

8:56 am  
Blogger Le Chitelier said...

Kaz, I'm sure compared to me you disappear when you turn sideways. At least you don't HAVE to wear large undies. Some of us don't have a choice!
*scuffs foot and looks jealous*

11:06 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

But Le Chit - doesn't your principle say the more you squeeze it in the more it tries to expand ... or somthing like that!

2:36 pm  
Blogger Le Chitelier said...

Ah yes, MY principle, heh heh heh.
*puffs up chest and tries to look real important*

Well, if I recall my own priciple correctly... I think it says that if you sqeeze more in, it tends to go more in one direction or the other...which, if we're talking about underwear here, that's not a pretty picture...

10:31 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

While doing the laundry one day I came across some skimpy thong panties. I knew they weren't mine and it turns out my teenager is into wearing them.

Have you ever tried them? It's like putting dental floss up your rear end. ::shudder:: Not comfy in the least.

11:15 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

BTW, has Vicus recovered yet?

11:15 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

I had to buy some ladies big knickers at the weekend.....so perplexed was I that I left my credit card behind.

..and no. they weren't for me. Or Mrs.Planarchy (whose name is Ms.Maiden-name actually)....

9:33 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I just saw this nic and i am fascinated.
I'm so glad that Mrs Palnarchy has kept her own name and that she isn't the recipient of the big knickers.
OOps I actually typed an 'o' instead of an 'i' in the last word. Good thing I previewed.

2:27 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

Preview indeed a good thing young Kaz! ...though I don't think they sell big knockers in BHS yet anyway.

9:31 am  
Blogger Judith said...

Hi Kaz - I just picked up your comment on my blog, and came over here for a look. I homed in on 'Knickers' straight away, as I'm a big-knicker girl too. Do you know the singer songwriter Sandra Kerr, who has a great number called Big Knicker Blues. It's on her CD called Yellow, Red, Gold. I look see if she has a website, and if so I'll come back here and post it.

8:37 pm  
Blogger Judith said...

If you key in Sandra Kerr you'll find a number of sites, but I only found the CD on Amazon.co.uk, for £11.99, or less if you go for a used one.

9:08 pm  

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