Tuesday, August 22, 2006

CHORES

papers
Yesterday evening I did one of my favourite jobs. It’s not like a proper job at all because you get to sit down at the table, kick off your Docs and pour a glass of wine. Then you attack the pile of PAPERS. I had to do it or I’d be starring in one of those television programmes about anal retentives. These papers have become a fire hazard and a health risk. They are probably home to a family of furry things with long tails.

I can’t chuck them out without checking every page - here are some interesting bits.

Guess which member of the 1966 world cup squad has not written an autobiography? It’s Bobby Charlton. The rest of the squad and young Wayne beat him to it. Apart from ‘played football, had mi tea, went home to Mrs Charlton’ perhaps he’ll tell us what we want to hear - why did Suzanne stop doing the weather forecasts?

John Steinbeck (yes the one who got the Nobel prize for literature) was a DIY enthusiast. He said ‘A curious penuriousness comes out in me about paying a man 25dollars for doing badly what I do just as badly in less time’. He goes on in some detail. I’m with John on this one - but I’m also strangely disappointed in him.

Here’s the best news. To burn off a glass of wine you have to walk for 24 minutes or sit quietly for 2hrs 16 mins. So in exchange for half a bottle of Sauvignon I could pop round to see the ducks in the park and come back to watch double Corrie followed by ‘Wayne’s World’ … Not a bad deal eh?

Don’t go near the chocolate digestives unless you want to watch ‘Gone with the Wind’ three times.

Oh and ‘Source of HIV traced back to Cameron’ - WHAT? Oops! SORRY it said ‘Cameroon’ - some African chimps. That was a genuine mistake I didn’t make it up.

Must buy some new specs - these from the paper shop just aren’t good enough any more.

I’ll just pour another glass and start on the magazines.

KAZ

14 Comments:

Blogger Betty said...

I no longer feel obliged to read all the sections of newspapers. I just stick to about four and end up feeling depressed about all the books/films/paintings I'll never read/see after reading the arts section. I skim through the local freebie papers as well, paying particular attention to the "helf find a home for a pet" item.

By the way, I saw Suzanne Charlton presenting the weather forecast on the BBC text service. How the mighty have fallen.

7:42 pm  
Anonymous Gert said...

Suzanne took maternity leave after giving birth to young Robert...there might have been more. She did the weather on Today before the eight o'clock news this morning.

It was downhill all the way after she stopped taking me for lunchtime hockey practice in 1980. Her mother was an England hockey international, you know.

8:50 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Betty: Yeah there's just too much information.
I don't get any freebie papers because our flats have no letter box. The postman is allowed in once a day and that's it!

Gert:You give a whole new meaning to the term 'mine of information'. I used to like Suzanne - so she gave it all (including your hockey lessons) up for motherhood eh?
Suppose someone had to suffer so that I had a job.

9:40 pm  
Blogger stitchwort said...

There's nothing quite as interesting as old news, is there? If there's an old newspaper used to line the bottom of a drawer, for instance, it gives hours of harmless fun and fascination, with all those reports of funerals, school outings, and weddings - "the bride's mother wore navy with beige accessories" etc.
(And the word verification is very nearly antique gnu!)

9:27 am  
Blogger stitchwort said...

Oh, and I've been tracing some Cameron ancestors of mine, and I wouldn't be surprised at what might have come out of the back streets of Pollokshaws!

9:29 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Stitchwort: Hmm - Intersting stuff about the Pollockshaws ancestry. Perhaps we should start a rumour about 'Dave'.

11:05 am  
Blogger Geoff said...

First sighting of someone reading the Rooney autobiography yesterday. He sat next to me on the train. He had very strong aftershave.

And John Steinbeck had a lovely poodle. Could have been the original Dulux dog.

8:46 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Geoff: Could he read without moving his lips?
Did you make it up about Steinbeck's poodle? Sounds like a good idea for a book title even though the Dulux dog was a sheep dog.

10:37 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

I didn't like to look at his lips.

And here's Charley.

1:59 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

French poople.

2:00 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Here's me thinking it was 'Grapes of Wrath' or 'Mice and Men' that won John the Nobel prize and all the time it was a 'Poople'.
Chris Tarrant here I come.

5:03 pm  
Blogger The Murphmeister said...

Yes, that Suzanne Charlton was performing on my bedside radio this morning, the cheeky minx. I thnk that's where the expression Charlton Athletic comes from.

10:10 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

It all makes sense - Suzanne, Bobby and Mrs C. - all into footy, hockey and meteorology.

3:58 pm  
Blogger Gareth said...

Suzanne seems to have been on BBC NEWS 24 a lot over the ps week. Maybe someon has read your blog a though action needed to be taken.

11:30 pm  

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