Wednesday, October 18, 2006

KAZ on the COUCH


Kaz: Hi Doc - I’ve read in my Berliner format daily newspaper that being single is very good for women. They are slimmer, fitter and have a better social life.

Doktor Blogwurtz: So?

Kaz: Well I’d like to be slim, fit and receive dinner invitations to Alderley Edge .

Dr B: But you are slim and fit.

Kaz: Thanks - but what other advantages are there to being single? You see Kev’s decided to stay in Spain until November and I’m here in Manchester leading the single life. Perhaps I should buy a sat-nav.

Dr B: Du bist wohl nicht recht gescheit. So - why aren’t you in Spain with him?

Kaz: Well (as I explained during a previous session) I get bored and Kev gets drunk! Oh and non sprechen Deutsche

Dr B: How long have you and Kev been together?

Kaz: It’s a bit complicated. We got together in 1983. Eventually we moved into a big house together. This lasted for 9 years then we split. Compared to this split, Heather and Macca’s was very friendly.

Dr B: And then …?

Kaz: We drifted back together(ish) and in 1999 I moved into my ground floor white cube.

To my surprise Kev moved into the flat upstairs.

Ah - So it was just like that 1970’s series starring Gordon Jackson.

Kaz: Yes…you mean ‘The Professionals’.

Dr B: Sich auf dem Boden kugeln und in den Teppich beißen vor Lachen

Kaz: I DO NOT SPEAK BLOODY GERMAN! Tell me what I should do.

Dr B: Time’s up see you next week!
KAZ

14 Comments:

Blogger The Murphmeister said...

This German Proctologist isn't really much use is he?
Have you ruled out both getting drunk? Seems to work for Mr P and Mrs Rine.
After all, was it you or Alan Bennett who said "You were my first Kevin".
And remember, Lederhosen braucht keine bugelfalten.

9:51 am  
Blogger stitchwort said...

Why waste money on proctologists you can't understand, when you probably know quite well what you should do; whether that is what you want to do is another matter.

(Verification is tsztaps - does that help? Thought not.)

10:48 am  
Blogger Dave G said...

Can't think of anything profound to say about this other than; Ahhh the whirlygig of life, or, fact is stranger than bollocks...hope thats how you spell it.

11:08 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Murph: NO - this Doktor is supposed to deal with the ‘other end’ - The scatty part rather than the scatological!

And I DON’T SPEAK BLOODY GERMAN!

Stitchwort: Don’t worry it’ll take more than Doktor Blogwurtz to separate me from my dosh. He’s a sort of pseudonym for ‘bloggers’.

They’ll give free advice and I can just feel free to ignore it ... or maybe not

Dave: You got bollocks right - not so sure about Whirlygig.

11:35 am  
Blogger DellaB said...

thanks Kaz, another good read, that's the thing about advice, take what you need...

12:31 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Far be it from me to suggest an affair.

1:38 pm  
Blogger Pete said...

What ever you do do the thing that makes Kaz happiest. Live is too short so be happy.

that's my philosophy

6:37 pm  
Blogger Gary James said...

Upstairs Dowstairs!

It's taken me an hour to work that out. My mate said it was Man About the House, but he's still got a crush on Yootha Joyce (don't ask) so he was bound to say that.

7:00 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dellab: That’s good advice about advice.

mj: Affair? Absolutely YES.
Let’s hope I can still ‘cut the mustard’.

Whatever that means!

Pete: Great philosophy. At present I’m loving the single life.

We’ll see what happens when Kev returns.

Gary: Ever thought of going on University Challenge?

Yoo don’t get many Yoothas do you?
Yoo certainly don’t get many blokes with a crush on Yootha Joyce.

7:24 pm  
Blogger Lubin said...

How very Modern all this is!

11:07 am  
Blogger Heather said...

Alderley Edge? I was born down the road from there.

Start afresh, then learn German.

11:19 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hi Lubin - I didn’t recognise the ‘new you’ with ‘tache.

As I wrote this for my blog, I think we should call it ‘post’ Modern.

Heather: So you were there before the Beckhams and all the other millionaires.

Perhaps I should learn Spanish! Eh?

5:57 pm  
Blogger Señor Tronosco said...

Hola!

Yep,learn Spanish. It's easier than english!

1:43 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Buenos Diás Señor Tronosco:
I shall learn Spanish, dance the Flamenco and find myself a new señor.

8:59 am  

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