Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I’m a city dweller, but I often visit Barbara in a small town in Tameside.

The girls are dead smart round there. They wear bum starver padded gilets with fur trimmed hood. Below this is a bum starver denim skirt with frayed hem worn over black leggings and pointy shoes. Hair is highlighted à la Maria from Corrie and the ‘bigger the better’ gold hoop Gypsy Rose Lee earrings set it all off a treat.

But - the indispensable ‘must have’ fashion accessory is a small child in a large buggy with bull bars, hood, raincover and capacious shopping container.

No male companion is ever observed.

The local buses have 2 spaces with first priority given to wheelchairs and then to a maximum of one buggy per space. So when 4 of these mega buggies struggle onto the bus, mayhem follows.

The driver doesn’t give a toss - so the girls fight it out.

It beats reality TV any day. Or even Simon King’s red deer rut on Rum.

I’m waiting for the day when a macho wheelchair user gets on and claims priority.


Blogger Betty said...

Those massive buggies frighten the life out of me. I'm waiting for one to mow me down some day due to a really disgruntled owner. They're the child carrying equivalent of four wheel drives really - don't serve any practical purpose but the owners have them just to take up space and annoy everybody else. In my opinion. Cough.

3:44 pm  
Blogger stitchwort said...

Padded gilets? Round here the natives have just started wearing T shirts with short sleeves, now it's turned a bit chilly.

7:13 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Betty: Have baby - Have priority ... *So Get Out Of The Way!* And I do, with a watery smile to the child.

Stitch: They are tough in your parts - makes me feel like a Southern Jessie.
Mind you the gilets only reach to just below the boobs and often reveal a bare midriff.

9:18 pm  
Blogger Dave G said...

Come on now you need something that size to store all the contraband from tesco.

10:38 am  
Blogger The Murphmeister said...

Wot's a bum starver Kaz?

7:04 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dave: Could be that’s how they came by the gilets and earrings. No wonder they didn’t want to fold up the buggies.

I’m really glad you asked me that Murph. It doesn’t appear in my CD ROM of Chamber’s Dictionary alongside bumsucker (defined as ‘Toady’ as in Toady Blair).
I would define it as a garment which does not keep the nether regions warm - rather like the one worn by a matador.

8:16 pm  
Blogger Wyndham said...

In my defence, besides not wearing the miniskirt of a weekday, our buggy is incredibly small and falling apart at the seams. But those mega buggies which carry fat ginger kids don't even look like they fold up.

9:09 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

1:I'll be round to have a look at the weekend.
2: I shall report you to the blogging authorities for 'gingerist' remarks.

12:02 pm  
Blogger Gary James said...

I am still reeling from the shocking discovery that Tameside is a real place. I thought it was a literary thing like Ambridge.

I was set to dismiss it but now that you've mentioned those bum-starver skirts, I think I may soon be looking up the bus time-tables...

7:15 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Gary: Tameside is really 'Ashton Under Lyne'. Lancashire and Manchester both abandoned it.
The bum starvers can be observed in a little town close by which used to have parts in Yorkshire, Lancashire and Cheshire... and gave birth to Melanie Sykes.

8:16 pm  
Blogger Heather said...

still not clear what a bum starver is, do you have any pictures?

11:43 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:12 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Heather: I think Murph has encouraged this unsavoury interest in the nether regions - but I aim to please.
Try this

5:30 pm  
Blogger Heather said...

Wow, now I get it, thanks. I want a pair.

12:08 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Erm, Heather - it's the Jacket.
Unless you weren't referring to her clothes.

3:57 pm  

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