Monday, December 04, 2006


The one where Kaz wishes that her friends were more like her.

I do have a few mates left - I like them - but when it comes to sharing time and activities I usually think twice.

Making arrangements involves allocating time in the future.

Very Risky!

So you arrange to go out for a walk next Thursday and it’s pissing down. You would rather curl up under the duvet with Alan Bennett - but you have to go because you said you would.

Sometimes, after making an arrangement, you get a better offer. You honourably refuse only to get a last minute cancellation from ‘Friend’ who has just accepted a better offer. I know - it’s unbelievable that there could be anything preferable to a day out with me.

So here are my ‘friends’:

A: Lacks social skills. On a recent day out she kept me waiting for 45 minutes while she searched for the cheapest birthday card in the cheapest shop in town. She then ‘wrote it’ and presented it to me with a proud flourish.

B: G.S.O.H and shares my liking for early meetings in pubs. We drink wine and laugh a lot. But her other life is dominated by aspirational dinner parties. I have been invited but I suffer from 'deipnophobia' - fear of dinner party conversation. If possible I sit under the table talking to the cat. But B has no cat.

C: Posh but skint. She rants endlessly and dramatically without pausing for breath. I apply appropriate expression to face, sit back and relax.
OK for a coffee in town

D: Loveable - has all the time in the world. A story, which was passably interesting the first time usually loses something by the third telling. D Doesn’t do e mail or mobile. She won’t have an alcoholic drink until 22.00 hours by which time I’m either desperate or pissed.

Katherine Whitehorn said of being suddenly widowed. I have loads of people to do something with - but no one to do nothing with.

I’ve missed ignoring Kev while he’s been away.



Blogger Gary James said...

I sound like A, but would most like to spend an afternoon/evening with B.

I have a nice friend, a culture buddy, who started out coming up to Leeds on her day off to see museums adn stuff. Gradually, over the course of a few months, I've steered her earlier and earlier into the pub, and later and later away from it.

Now we go to the pub at 11 am and just argue with Scots men and then go home in the dark with our shopping all defrosted.

8:49 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

are you the middle one in the photo, Kaz?

9:22 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Gary: 'Coming to Leeds to see museums and stuff'. Are you 'the stuff'?

You see plenty of *artists* in the pubs in Leeds.

Murph: What? That old slapper?
No, I'm the one in the little pic wearing dark glasses and a bottle of vodka.

9:36 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

Ah yes friends... problem aren't they?

I used to be a very anti-social b@$t£rd so lost touch with most of mine. SInce I gave up the old job and started working mainly on my own I found I actually like the company of other people occasionally... but now they've mostly bu?£"red off. :(

9:15 am  
Blogger Heather said...

E: Wonderful witty, thoughtful and kind blog friends. We like to talk about nothing all the time. :)

10:07 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Nic: I didn’t realise you had such an imaginative vocabulary. I try to avoid my antisocial b@$t£rdly tendencies - without much success.
Ex work colleagues just make me feel tired. Did I used to talk shop all the time? Probably.

Heather: Sometimes blog friends seem more like the real thing.
You don’t have to make arrangements, they are never boring and they don’t expect Christmas presents.
I hope.

12:31 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

My friends both live too far away for a couple of hours in the pub. Meeting up involves an overnight stay which is too damn long for me. If I'm not asleep by 1.30 I have a miserable night.

The last time I did anything othr than go to the pub with my friends was in the early 90s. We went to see Pearl Jam. The support act were too loud for me and I went home early.

I have more of a laugh with my blog friends.

1:34 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Call me. I start drinking early.

4:13 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Geoff: If I hadn't seen your pic, I'd say we were separated at birth. But you are obviously so much older than I am.

I promise not to come to your blog after 1.30.

mj: What's early in our time (gmt)?
Who Cares? It's never to early for a drink.
*Exits to fridge*

4:52 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Well, since I'm an insomniac, I think I can work you in any time that's convenient for you. But just so you know, I'm 8 hours behind you. Cheers.

8:59 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

mj: I love a flexible drinking partner. You'll easily catch up on the 8 hours.
Bottoms up!

11:34 pm  
Blogger stitchwort said...

And when does Kev return, so that you can ignore him again?

8:33 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Stitch: Could you ask me an easy question please?
Sufficient to say - I shall be sharing my Christmas Cava.

5:42 pm  
Blogger Ruby in Bury said...

I would like to be curling up under my duvet right now with Alan Bennett. (Or even Alan Titchmarsh.) But Mr Ruby is already curled up there and will thrash about crossly if I put the light on to read. Which is why I'm on the computer downstairs instead.

- Ruby in insomniac mode.

3:15 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ruby: Ah - the compensations of the single life.
After a good night's sleep I woke at 7am and went straight to the you can see.

7:53 am  
Blogger Lubin said...

Can I be invited to one of B's aspirational dinner parties?

10:56 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Lubin: I didn't know you were a chap with 'aspirations'.
You would leurve the gold candleabra.

8:22 am  

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