Monday, February 19, 2007


Kaz on top deck of bus going into Manchester.

Pasty faced girl in a Primark parka gets on just as her mobile goes off.

* I’ve just gorron t’bus - I’m goin’ ter yer mam’s*

.....Pause for reply......

* No way - yer mam won’t let yer in ‘er ‘ouse.*

...........Pause .........

*She won’t let yer anywhere near the ‘ouse ‘cos she told me - right !?! *

……………..Long pause…………….

*I’ve met someone else*

………Short silent pause…………..


………..Very long pause - girl listens intently………………

*Well it were no good for me wi’ you bein’ in Strangeways.*

........Argument follows......

*Any road I’m goin’ to yer mam’s to get me stuff.*

Girl alights as conversation continues.

Another chip butty faced girl takes out a very expensive looking state of the art high tech silver mobile. Dials.

*Hi mum - I’m on the bus. Put the kettle on.*

I’ve read recently that one of the sure signs of a psychopath is a lack of friends.

So I took out my ancient mobile and dialled friend B (early Sauvignon perhaps?)

*Hi Kaz - great to hear from you we’re in Corte Inglese in Malaga looking for new towels.*

She would have described the bloody towels in intricate detail.

But I’m ‘Pay as you go’ … so I went.

Recycle old mobiles HERE



Blogger Geoff said...

The crow we saw on Saturday could have done with a mobile.

Shouting himself hoarse, he was.

1:22 pm  
Blogger Dave G said...

Hmmm are you a psychopath because you have no friends, or is it that you have no friends because you are a psychopath.

1:23 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

"Pasty faced girl in Primark Parka"...this is pure alliterative Betcheminesque Poetry Kaz!
A slice of Northern Life to make us Southern Jessies seem soft!

1:35 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

ps They missed a chance in the recycling old phones campaign to use the heading "Dead Ringers!"

1:46 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

When is a crow not a crow?
Ans: When it’s a little hoarse.


Dave: Hmm indeed. I see you are a philosopher.
It’s probably because psychopaths don’t have dinner parties.

Murph: But you and Betch could do rhyme. I’m just Larkin about.

Dead Ringers - brill, but it reminds me of that wierd David Cronenberg film where Jeremy Irons and his twin (also Jeremy Irons funnily enough) were eaten by worms.

3:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What an interesting bus should have asked her if she could put her iton speaker phone.

3:34 pm  
Blogger Gerald England said...

I'm on pay as you go. Topped it up with a tenner about three years ago [or is it four?] Am finally down to three quid credit.
At least the ones on your bus weren't like the girl on the train from Chester to Rhyl who spent the journey setting up a drugs deal, informing everyone on the train she had to back in Manchester for 5 for her hair doing. Every tenth word had four letters -- both the f and c words!
I expect she's on holiday in Styal by now.

5:33 pm  
Anonymous flic 2 said...

corte inglase is great, nice towels, carpark ramps make you feel dizzy though

8:49 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

I'm on wash and go.

9:56 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Heather: Most Mancunian mobile users are loud enough already. You either get cross or sit back and enjoy.

Gerald: I once went to Styal on a course at the mill.
My boss had great fun telling everyone I’d been sent to Styal.

Flic: Hate those ramps - as bad as the twisty mountain passes.

Nora: Only one bottle in the shower - can I take Sauvignon?

10:36 pm  
Blogger Ruby in Bury said...

That was an interesting mobile phone conversation. I only ever seem to hear people say

In Woolworths :"I'm in Woolworths at the moment"

In the bus "I'm on the bus at the moment"

etc etc.

12:51 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ruby: Last week there was a guy on the bus who said "I'm on the bus at the moment" - but he then proceeded to tell a moderately interesting tale about a bent taxi driver and a visit to the police station.
He then phoned 5 other friends and told the same tale.
I have never been more pleased to reach my stop.

8:24 pm  
Blogger Robin said...

Damn, I'm missing out on a slice of life. I haven't been on a bus for years. Last time was in Bradford in Yorkshire back in the 70's and it was full of shift workers from 'Martins' the cleaners and the smell of Perclone was over powering, best high I've had since the early days of weed.
BTW KAZ, thanks for visiting my Blog, could you link to me please.

3:32 pm  

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