STEW DENTS
I emerge from my front door, walk down the path, open the gate, look right look left and right again etc. When the coast is clear, I step out to the pavement. I need to avoid collision with a steady procession of bloody students who traipse past my home on their way to the bus stop.
Do they make me feel ancient or keep me feeling young? It depends on whether I'm having a bad hair day.
All those girls in the local Sainsbury's with their skinny vests and their skinny denim skirts and their skinny silver flippy floppy shoes. Oh and their pert boobs and peachlike arses and shiny swinging hair. When they meet a pal (as they always do) they stop, chat and completely block the aisle. Their voices go up at the end of sentences in that annoying way.
The lads all look alike, boring and full of themselves. Usually they are straight from the gym, pitch or court and dressed in shiny fibres or tasteless sweats.
When the sun's out they all buy massive packs of lager and 'basics' range barm cakes and burgers. They look as though they are all off to have a fine time ... Oh how I hate them.
However, there are advantages to living in studentville:
4 We have the best bus route in Europe
4 The Guardian costs 25p at the local newsagents
4 We are surrounded by pubs, bars, takeaways, restaurants, Wetherspoons, Starbucks with Tesco and Sainsbury's on the corner.
But the best thing - When they go home (like now) we have it all to ourselves.
We look forward to seeing posters like these.
KAZ
posted by KAZ at 10:55 am
21 Comments:
And of course you were never a student were you dear, youth is for letting rip, making bad decisions, getting pissed on the food money, and generally annoying the elderly. Wouldnt't you want to go back to those days, eh, eh, eh.
I'm a stew dent! Unfortunately, my days of pert boobs and peach bum are but a distant memory.
Damn.
There's people crying out for education and who do they give it to? Students, that's who! (Once overheard on a Liverpool Bus).
The ones down here have over-indulged in the Tesco Basics Range and have 6" overhangs over the belt of their jeans (and weird tattoo arrows at the back).
Er, not Roses of course!
Dave:
Yes! As long as there were no exams. They didn't half interfere with spending my grant on the booze.
Whatever happened to 'grants'?
Roses:
At least you can remember them - I'm not sure I ever had them.
But I had a lovely denim mini skirt.
Murph:
That's a fib! No one can ever understand a single word spoken on a Liverpool bus
Glad you made that clear to Roses -I bet she looks great in a mini skirt.
25p?
*does quick calculation of weekly expenditure at local newsagents*
(how much are ciggies then?)
crikey - I could save a fortune if I moved to your neck of the woods - any art colleges about? then I could kill two birds with one stone. . .
Are you auditioning for Grumpy Old Women? I love that programme and the male version too.
My mum and dad live in a street that's full of students. They sometimes complain about not having "real neighbours" as the students only stay for a year and then move on. But my parents are so sociable that they always make friends with them and end up being surrogate parents to all of them for the year. I live in a student area too. However, I'm not very sociable so don't make friends with them. I also don't like being woken up at weekends at 3 in the morning by them all traisping home from their clubs, and pressing my intercom doorway buzzer thing to announce they've trapped their penis in their trousers and the like.
View:
And Observer 60p on Sunday - instead of £1.80.
There’s every sort of college and university course in Manchester. But I know you’d miss London.
Sorry - can’t help with the ciggies.
Midnight:
I can do Grumpy! In fact I played him in a pantomime once.
But I should be on *Jealous Old Women*.
Lubin:
I get the buzzer thing - but nothing so interesting as a trapped penis. I loved my students in the classroom, but I don’t like them so much in Sainsbury’s.
5 years ago I lived next door to a house of students who politely asked me to turn my music down as they had to work.
Ooops.
The house next door is shared by studettes from University of Austin. Pick-up trucks in the drive, cooler boxes out back and always a bowl of water for the neighborhood cats. Aww.
Arabella:
But where's the *Whiskas*?
Could be worse I suppose? Rather university stew-dents than high schoolers!
"Their voices go up at the end of sentences in that annoying way......" YES! Im glad Im not the only one who notices this 'orrible verbal tick........The Guardian 25p ?how come?
Oh,& dont forget the Live music gigs!
[cherry]ride:
Ah yes!
In the words of Eric Idle (whose name describes me) *Always Look on the Bright Side of Life*.
Tony:
I heard someone claim that it started with 'Neighbours'
Apparently the Guardian subsidises it, presumably to get the students hooked for the rest of their lives.
I remember thinking that students were pretty embarassing, even while I was one - with their earnest loud conversations on the bus about Fighting Apartheid etc (this was back in the day). Still, when I was a student it was fab, the SU subsidized the beer and it was one pound a pint. Them were the days.
Very kind of you to say about the mini skirt, but I keep my legs (and underwear) covered. No, I don't have any tattoos either.
*hangs head in shame*
I am not fit to be called a stew dent.
*sniff*
Perhaps I'll just have to be one of the few adult learners in the Learning Resource Centre (and photocopy room).
Hi Emmak:
One pound a pint and a grant to fund your drinking.
Sheer Bliss!
Just a pity about those exams.
Roses:
Ah the photocopy room - scene of many a passionate encounter.
One of the few things I miss about work.
I too have had passionate encounters in the photocopy room.
Usually me shouting sexily...
"Give me my f**k**g copy, you bastard copier!"
or...
"You tight bloody copier, you swallowed my credit!"
or...
"I followed the instructions, it still won't enlarge it to A4...! (and spat out my student card)"
I suspect you had encounters of a more naughty kind.
roses:
At least you didn't make a copy of your peachlike arse ..I hope!
I've just had a look at your Steve Coogan link - thanks for reminding me of his pre-Alan Partridge characters. Brilliant! I'd forgotten all about the refined Paul and Pauline Calf. I'm really enjoying your blog (the word 'blog' spoken like a question)!
Hi Kitchen Table - just found you down here.
I love the line 'I've got two bad habits, smoking, and masturbation. I'm a twenty a day man, and I smoke like a chimney.'
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