Sunday, July 22, 2007

HAZARD

There was a scrap of paper on the floor. I picked it up - it said IMPORTANT - so I threw it in the bin.

Only later did I wonder why?? It seems that the brain translates IMPORTANT as ‘We’re only printing this so you can’t sue us‘.

My brain automatically ignores words like DANGER, WARNING, BEWARE. Do you know anyone who tests a strand first before dying their hair?

In the lab we must consult (COSHH) hazard sheets for every single chemical every single time we use it. This is the one for common salt. YES - there was one for water as well.
Apart from ‘Contains Mild Peril’…these are some warnings from last week’s Odeon website?
'Mr Bean’s Holiday' (on at Pensioners’ pictures for some reason)
contains irresponsible behaviour’.
Do they mean it was irresponsible of Rowan Atkinson to stop being funny?

‘Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer' (shouldn’t this be on at Pensioners’ pictures?)
'contains infrequent moderate violence, mild innuendo & language‘.
Er - which ‘language’ would that be?

‘Molière’
‘has one scene of moderate sex’
Sorry I prefer rampant.

My favourite - ‘Contains moderate nudity‘.
This is for Stitch:



And this is a work of art:


KAZ

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15 Comments:

Blogger stitchwort said...

Gee, thanks.

8:16 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

If they make a film of The Perils of Penelope Pitstop, what degree of peril would they warn us about?

Did The Jeremy Thorpe Story contain moderate nudity?

8:42 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

We dogs know a thing about nudity! This nanny state gets my goat anyway.

Isn't is funny that "mild innuendo" is itself an innuendo.

9:29 pm  
Blogger Ackworth Born said...

I love that last sign -- but I've not woken up properly yet so I'm off back to bed!

8:33 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Stitch:
Yer welcome!
If DH needs a birthday present I believe they are for sale on the web.

Geoff:
Peril is perilous - no adjective required.

Jeremy Thorpe moderate - nice one. I think nudity should be more liberal.
I always felt sorry for the dog in the Jeremy Thorpe case.
shhh - don't let Murph hear.

Murph:
Is goat your new pet name for Oz?
Watch out that the nanny state doesn't 'moderate' your nudity. You see so many canines in daft jackets these days.

Gerald:
WARNING: Most people die in bed.

10:39 am  
Blogger Murph said...

Rip Rinka.

I'll get some T shirts made.

11:57 am  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

Great blog you have here Kaz....
oh yes and a wicked sense of humour

I'll be back.

12:19 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Murph:
Didn't get this at first.
Thought you wanted to tear him to shreds. But then I put in the full stops.
I enjoyed every second of that scandal.

Hi Tom:
My mum used to drink 'Old Tom' brewed by Robinson's - lethal stuff!

7:27 pm  
Blogger Beth said...

Is "Old Tom" the stuff that's so lethal they'll only sell it by the half in the Black Horse in Preston??

9:14 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

Nanny State ~ like counsellors going on tv to tell parents how to cope with their children traumatised by reading the last installment of Harry Potter?

Perhaps it should have come with a warning...may contain a story which is made up.

10:59 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Beth:
Sounds possible. It also came in those barley wine sized bottles

Oh - just noticed - apologies to Tom who is really Wom

Roses:
Sounds like what happened when 'Take That' broke up.
Perhaps boy bands should come with a warning e.g. may contain Robbie Williams.

11:16 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

Good to see I wasn't the only person expecting "....Rise of the Silver Surfer" to be a film showing the fantastic four cut to shreds by zimmers (or something).

Truly excellent last sign.

9:08 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

What a misleading title.
I haven't seen it but it starred that Welsh guy who was so good as William Wilberforce in 'Amazing Grace'.
I suppose I could do 'versatile' if the money was right.

11:57 am  
Blogger Roses said...

I did see the Fantastic IV and the Silver Surfer. The Silver Surfer was CGI with no nips and a package Barbie's Ken would envy.

Oh...there wasn't much action and there was less plot.

I will never get those 3 hours back again. If the movie contained mild peril, it was actually for the audience.

11:15 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I often wonder why they make so many crap films.
I mean - would it really take much more effort and talent to make good ones?

8:41 am  

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