Thursday, August 02, 2007

Apus Apus

I read that Sir Richard Branson felt compelled to tell the world that he is a member of the mile high club. Too much information Mr Branson - I suggest you stick to making your pickles.

Now if you want the real thing look no further that the 'avian mile high club' as demonstrated by the wonderful swift (Latin name Apus Apus.)

The swift has short legs which aren't much good for walking - so it doesn't bother. Using it's sickle shaped wings and streamlined body it does everything ON THE WING including feeding, socialising and mating . You've probably heard them screeching and screaming out to each other while they fly around in gangs over the fields and rooftops.

The swift is 'a restless spirit on an endless flight' - the Flying Dutchman of the bird world.

So if either Richard B or mj is looking for a 'novelty shag' I suggest they borrow some hang gliding equipment and try the real thing - apus apus style.


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Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy said...

Yay! First!

*kicks MJ in her sodden badger and send her into flight to prepare for mating*

*and not with me*

4:51 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

*removes Piggy's cloven hoof from up my arse and kicks Kaz into orbit for her novelty shag*

4:55 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

Thanks for contaminating my non-volatile cache with Sir Dick and his softback Kaz.

I suppose this is where the expression "fancy a swift one?" comes from.

The bearded Tit does it on a sofa with Kate Humble after the cameras have stopped rolling.

5:56 pm  
Blogger tony said...

o'err what a Pickle!

6:00 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

Congratulations. The thought of Bill "Fungal Toes" Oddie at it tongues and hammers with Kate Humble, or Richard Branson joining the Mile High Club with whoever it was, has put me off eating for the forseeable future.

I wanted to lose some weight anyway.

7:29 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Badger? I didn't know you were a naturalist.

Did you have Branson's pickle on that pork pie that Tazzy gave you?

I can see Canada from up here.

Are you offering? - mine's a sauvignon.

Do you mean the Bearded tit and Kate (self centred big headed I'm the dog's bollocks (sorry)) Humble NOT.?

Did they really do it?

Hope you get 'pickled' on Sat night at your birthday do.

Betty (or should I call you Twiggy?):
I think Kate (see above) is well matched with Dicky Branson.

I'd settle for a cuddle on the sofa with Bill the badger shagger.

8:03 pm  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy said...


8:43 pm  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy said...

Are we regulars yet?

8:43 pm  
Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

Big deal that he's a member. He owns a plane and airline. I would certainly hope he would be.

8:54 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

There's nothing regular about Piggy and Tazzy, Kaz.

Ban them before it's too late.

9:20 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ewww too!
Regular as senna pods

Welcome back from your rest.
True - he wouldn't really need to squeeze into the bog would he?

They're just nice Yorkshire lads.

9:25 pm  
Blogger I, like the view said...

*waves from Cannes*

(no, not the kind you get in the sea, the Med was flat as a pancake today)

10:27 pm  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy said...

"They're just nice Yorkshire lads."

Wrong. Tazzy is. I'm an invader.

Right. We ARE nice.

10:58 pm  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

I have forgot what I was going to put after laughing at murph's comment.. Fancy A Swift One..

Very good post Kaz

9:45 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

YOooo -HOooo!
There were huge waves here - a bit scary. But no rain.

Och aye - forgot.
Very nice.

The old dog has his moments.

You should just see his awesome puns.

10:11 am  
Blogger Dave G said...

Its hard enough trying to synchronise two sweaty bodies whilst thrashing around in a minuscule cubical designed for something altogether different than Copius jumpaboutious without having to bother the flight attendant every few minutes to ask when you are actually a mile high. The logistical dynamics of both parties arriving (as it were) at the exact moment the aircraft hits the mile high ceiling is just too complicated to think about.

11:14 am  
Blogger Mopsa said...

Where do you get your piccies from? Guaranteed giggles all the way.

2:39 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

You put it so delicately.

Coitus erecticus is never easy - especially for a shortarse.
How about settling for the top of Blackpool tower?

Giggles from Googles.

Hope you'll bale me out when copyright catches me up.

5:14 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

Do tell what is to crow about having sex in a very cramped, cold, noisy, smelly toilet? And if that was bad enough with Richard Branston to boot. Eeewwww.

Oh dear. I think I've just joined the Boring Sex Club.

6:31 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Perhaps it's the pressure in the plane that makes everyone feel randy. Otherwise what's wrong with the broom cupboard?

9:13 am  
Blogger ziggi said...

it would be more fun, and probably easier, wouldn't it, to try it while parachuting (especially in the free fall bit) rather than hand gliding?

that picture of RB quite put me off my dinner - mind if I borrow it, I'm trying to diet?

6:46 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Well yes you could share a parachute with someone like they did in 'I'm a celebrity......'

The RB pic is making me quite ill and to think he's my internet provider.
Must do a new post soon to get rid of it.

9:09 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

Urrrgh. What a twat.

Barnston should be strapped to an ejector seat and ejected somewhere over the arctic circle where he would, hopefully, be eaten alive by polar bears.

6:47 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

And what have you got against Polar bears?

9:27 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

At least they'd have a pickle to go with their meal.

(Or a gherkin and two silverskin onions)

10:02 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I don't want to go there - especially the onions.

7:54 am  

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