Come Fly with me
15.1 million passengers caught cheap flights out of Britain last month.
Can YOU spot the difference between these two routes?
In the RED corner - Ryanair ... Liverpool to Girona
In the BLUE corner - Monarch Airlines ...Manchester to Barcelona
To catch the Monarch flight (one per day) you have to get up before you go to bed - even though Manchester Airport is only a short taxi ride away.
Thanks to Terrorvision, after a leisurely lie in you can get to John Lennon, have lunch in Wetherspoons at the airport and arrive in Girona for an early evening aperitif.
At Manchester airport you can drink Starbucks and buy designer luggage - Isn't it a bit late to buy your luggage at the airport?
The security is frightening and the stress levels are high.
At Liverpool airport you can buy embarrassingly tacky Beatles souvenirs. All scousers are comedians by law - so the entertainment comes free.
On my last visit the lad behind me in the checkout queue had brought his mum's passport instead of his own. He was very relaxed about it.Eileen once turned up with an expired passport and they let her on the plane anyway.
Monarch has in flight entertainment on tiny tellies - always ancient episodes of 'Vicar of Dibley' or 'My family'. They also give you a reserved seat and free newspapers. The Daily Telegraph told me about Royals, Socialites and Sloanes - I read that Peter Philips is the first of the Queen's grandchildren to get married. What a lovely couple they make..
On a Ryanair flight there's nowt. After fighting off several koppite bastards to get a seat - you can buy a Pepsi or a Kitkat.
Neither can manage a glass of cold white wine.
Thank god it was Monarch that got me safely home to Manchester - fully clothed.