Thursday, January 10, 2008

KAZ's Safety

When I go into town I take the bus … and I go into town a lot.
I always go upstairs where I always sit on the front seat for the best view.

Recently I have felt some anxiety. If the bus pulls up suddenly I’m out of my seat and jettisoned through the front window to form a bloody broken heap in the road – only to be finished off by an oncoming BMW.

Or - much worse than death - I could end up in MRI.

There are two front seats upstairs – one (on the right) is set back from the window by several feet. The other (on the left) is very close to the front window with no leg room. Shortarses (spellchecker wanted to change that to shirtdresses) don’t need leg room – so I have a choice.

On the left I will certainly hit the window - but quickly with no chance to build up momentum. On the right I may have time to grab something for safety and hold on tight. But if I fail, I hit that window running and my chances are nil.

I’m sure the laws of Physics could advise me, but I’ve forgotten them all.

Yesterday I caught a Bullock’s bus.

And it had seat belts – Great!

But, there’s only one Bullocks on the route, so I still need an answer to my 'left/right seat dilemma'.




Blogger Flaming Nora said...

I just knew your favourite seat on the bus would be my favourite seat too. Second favourite is downstairs left hand side on the seat behind the one that sits over the wheel. An anorak, moi? One day I'm going to sit in my favourite bus seat on the top at the front with some foil wrapped sandwiches and a flask of coffee and do nothing but travel and eat, all the way to the terminus and back.

8:31 am  
Anonymous NiC said...

Presumably Bullock's buses never drop below 50mph? Is this why they have seat belts?

But does anyone wear them?

8:38 am  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Never rely on the laws of physics. They are not laws, merely the ramblings of the deluded.
I like to sit behind you on the bus, and fantasise.

9:22 am  
Blogger Liz said...

Do the buses in Manchester actually go fast enough for you to be in any danger when they brake? I'm impressed if they do - how many towns and cities are there where traffic moves at more than 2mph?

12:18 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

There are always stories in local paper about people dying because they fall over when the driver breaks too hard, or dying because the driver goes off before they've got off the bus at the stop, or being run over by reversing buses. I know this probably means that the editor has a grudge against bus drivers (perhaps one ran off with his wife?), but I'm not taking any chances, and avoid travelling by bus as much as possible.

12:48 pm  
Blogger Mopsa said...

Can I suggest you travel with a pair of nappy pins and use them to attach yourself/your clothes to the fabric of the bus seat? That way you won't be hurtled through the air. Or at least not without a couple of good pin pricks first. Lateral thinking at its most painful.

1:00 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

Only one Bullocks?

You need a load of Bullocks.

I used to sit on the front seat upstairs on the way to Upton Park.

1:46 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Wait 'til you're over 60 - then you can do it for nowt.
By then they might even provide the sandwiches.

I stole that first picture - perhaps that 50 refers to kilometres.
I wore it - but the rest were students as usual.

As part of my extensive research for the previous post I discovered that Stephen Hawking was also born on Jan 8th. At least Shirley makes sense.

I know -I've seen you in my mirror.

It's the bus wars.
About 10 buses crawl along togeher - then one accelerates to take over the others.
A student runs into the road and it screeches to a sudden halt.

Tooo much information - until this comment I thought bus accidents were quite rare.
We don't have a tube or a tram round our way and taking the car into town is impossible.
So I'll buy a crash helmet.

There's a first for everything - even nappy pins. You sadist!

'Never mind the Bullocks' - shall I continue to sit on that seat?

2:06 pm  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

My word!
I have always imagined you zipping into 'Town' in an Aston Martin DB7 Vantage Convertible.

As you zoom past the great unwashed shuffling through their pathetic, little, routine, lives, you toss your windblown hair to the side with a flick of your refined, bejewelled, and impeccably manicured, hand, and let out a hearty Cruella DeVillian laugh as you hoist your Martini high.

2:19 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

I'm envious you have a choice of upstairs or downstairs.

Buses in Canuckistan only have one level save for the tourist buses imported from across the pond.

Sing along with me now...

Every day I get in the queue (Too much, the Magic Bus)
To get on the bus that takes me to you (Too much, the Magic Bus)

2:38 pm  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

Sit on the back Kaz and then sit back and gloat when someone else gose 'fly-about' Sitting at the back is better for 'People Watching' as well.

If not try this bus... more levels

Nice Bullock pic...

3:06 pm  
Blogger tony said...

MJ stole my thunder!.........i was going to ask what happened if it was a single-decker that rolled-up?
Maybe the safest buses are in Liverpool? i.e. Mostly supported by bricks rather than wheels..........

3:42 pm  
Blogger stitchwort said...

Part of the bus driver training is learning how to brake and accelerate so the the old folks on board (and apart from the school bus, they're all old folks) hurtle from one end of the bus to the other.

I find myself clinging grimly to those bars that would cause such a nasty injury if you hit them.

3:44 pm  
Blogger Rimshot said...

Two options: bring your own rope and lash yourself to the seat or sit in a seat farther back.

Short of that, I would be willing to hire on as your personal chauffer.

4:09 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I can do all that from the top of a bus ... except zipping and zooming.

I'm singing along ...but those Blue Magic buses aren't Magic at all - just cheap!

Ah - you mean look through the back window - I always sat there on the way home from school.

Love the 3 decks on Harry's bus.
Sandra's great, she drove a bus in that film with Dennis Hopper?

There are very few single deckers -they just can't compete in the bus wars!

Are you referring to the European City of Culture?

They train them to do it to students round here.
I've been wearing wooly gloves this week (another gift) they don't grip the bars at all which can be scary.

Good thing that MRI is on the bus route (haha)

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I'm gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you

Beep beep'm beep beep yeah

4:42 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

I travelled on two buses today (I visited the big city). I wore leather gloves, so had a good grip on the handrails, and sat downstairs, in the middle, as being the safest place in the event of a crash (assuming something hit either the front or rear of the vehicle. I did realise that if the bus stopped in the middle of a level crossing, as a train was approaching, I would need to vacate my seat in a hurry).

5:02 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

sit right at the front closest to the window (I can't remember if this was the RH or the LH side, my mind cannot detain the information long enough to open the comments box...)

where was I?

Oh yes, right at the front (or left if it's not right) because you are too short to go up and over at that distance (presumably the windows are not right down to floor level) so you will only break your nose and not end up under the wheels of a BMW or even worse a Tata!

Invest in a full face Stig type helmet and you'll fine.

That was easy, next question?

5:06 pm  
Blogger Arabella said...

The solution to all life's little dilemmas: a stylish scarf! An interesting front-to-side wrap could incorportate the seat bar or the nearest pole, thus nestling you safely while making a leetle bit of a fashion statement. No need to thank me.

There aren't any Bullock buses in Austin but the lovely Sandra does have a restaurant. Called 'Bess'. It's been open a year so it might even be possible to get a table now.

5:17 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

No, not a scarf!

Isadora Duncan died when her scarf got caught in the wheels of a car.

5:24 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

Blimey! Blink and there are 19 comments! I didn't expect the omnibus edition!

Mr P. always gravitated to the upstairs where smokers were allowed in olden times. His buses were all made in Lancashire and 70mph cornering was commonplace in Leyland Atlanteans in the Maidstone & District Livery.

6:00 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

I like sitting on the top deck, three rows on the right hand side, behind the stairs up, next to the window.

Not that I'm anal or anything.

7:33 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

You are a Health and Safety manual on legs.
But - downstairs you get all the pensioners, pushchairs and arguments - it's peaceful upstairs.

Thankyou - you are the only person who has addressed the crucial problem. My nose may even improve after plastic surgery.
Had to google Tata - nice but I've always believed that a shortarse should not drive a short car.

Who needs French Vogue when I've got you?

Silk in spring and wool in winter -a simple readjustment takes me round town - to lunch and on to early evening drinks, dinner at the Midland and home to Corrie repeats and cocoa.

Bess? Miss Congeniality in action eh?

I know - I read the book and saw the film. The secret's in the tying.
Were you in the Brownies?

I didn't know Mr P used to be a smoker.

But you've scored a hit with those Atlanteans - or Atlanticers as we always called them.
They made those buses in Chorley and nearby Leyland where my dad (Bert) met my mum in the office at Leyland motors. They worked there together for years before she finally succumbed to his charms.

So - without Leyland and those buses ... I would not exist.

Wow - I'm suppose to be the scientist but your data is very precise.
You could go mad one day and try the fourth row for the hell of it.

8:23 pm  
Blogger Midnight said...

I never catch buses but if they had a rear end like Sandra's I'd be chasing them non stop and I wouldn't mind them coming late either.

11:52 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

You are incorrigible ... but women like Sandra as well.
She doesn't take herself too seriously.

4:32 pm  
Blogger nuttycow said...

I'm more of a "stand right in the way in the really narrow bit between the stairs and the shelf for heavy things" kind of a girl. Then, if I do hit anyone, it's only going to be the driver. Justice.

4:59 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Seatbelts in busses can be quite dangerous - look it up.

Wow Sandra Bullock looks gorgeous there - how heaviely airbrushed is she!

6:46 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

It's because of people like you that I go upstairs!
Well - that and the view.

Better airbrushed than botoxed.

9:51 pm  
Blogger tony said...

This Comment is brought to by The European City of Culture Official Sponsors Kwick-Fit. The home of all your automobile needs!......
{Sorry ,I,ve been hanging out with Manc too long!:)}

11:04 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

Oddly, I have written about blondes, coaches and Manchester at my place today. I think your name came up in the comments.

10:54 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...


To airbrushing *raises mimosa*

12:10 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

I don't travel by bus.

They are used by crumblies and the working classes.

They smell of pee.

7:33 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Oh how we love those Scouse jokes.
Because the koppite lot have claimed the name of Liverpool for themselves - I can love Everton and still mock the scousers.

I've just been over to sort you out.

Mimosa is known as Buck's Fizz over here.
Not half so glamorous.

Do the Danes joke about the Swedes (Sven) like the Mancs joke about Liverpool?

Speaking as a working class crumbly I hope thou jestest.
That Daimler hasn't changed you has it??

9:52 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

It's more like sibling rivalry between the Swedes and Danes.

Since I've moved to Copenhagen I've never met so many Swedes in my life. They are just everywhere.

My colleague moved to Sweden because housing is much cheaper there. So it can't be all that bad

Now bring on the breakfast martini

8:46 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

It all sounds very friendly.
...with hot rolls and an olive please.

4:05 pm  

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