Thursday, February 21, 2008

Research shows that ...

In the early hours of Monday morning someone called at my place searching for "Bowie Baldness" I followed the Google links to look for evidence - but found none - so I've tried to oblige with the picture.

However, the search lead me to some recent research from the 'International Journal of Dermatology' which claims that drinking coffee can cure baldness. So Robbie Williams (who drinks 36 double espressos a day) may never win another Brit award ... but he will stay hairy.

The caffeine in coffee blocks the effect of the chemical which damages hair follicles. A German cosmetics firm is developing a caffeine rich ointment to apply to the scalp - just in case David ever needs it.

I’m so pleased that Yul preferred cocoa.


Elsewhere, Dutch researchers have worked out that people like me (thin non smokers) are a seriously heavy burden on the state. We cost much more than fat, pie eating smokers who contribute millions in taxes and die young.

But thin healthy types live on and on and on needing expensive treatment for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's not to mention the cost of the bus pass.

So the next initiative of the nanny state will be to encourage smoking in primary schools and provide free lard on the National Health.


KAZ

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33 Comments:

Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy said...

Yay! First!

Bowie's a fucking weirdo.

Brown's just a cunt.

10:41 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

P&T:
You get the award for the fastest ever comment - but not the most perceptive.

10:46 am  
Blogger Dave said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:10 am  
Blogger Dave said...

I don't drink coffee. I thought the state of my hair was hereditary (my father and grandfather both being bald) but now I know better. Will it work if I just rub the granules on my head?

I intend to live long enough to recoup all the taxes and NI contributions I've paid in my lifetime.

At the moment I seem to be doing it as a drain on the NHS, which wasn't the plan.

11:11 am  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

LOL... as a Pie-Eating, Bald, Ex-Smoker may I say how much I enjoyed this. The only thing to spoil my visit was the pictures of Bowie... Jane as been in love with him for ever... I think he's a weirdo as well.

I went into a Bakery in Gee Cross many years ago and asked for 2 Meat and Potatoe Pies on Buttered muffins.. (the staple diet if you intend to have a triple by-pass later in life) The lady behind the counter was a bit gobsmacked and asked if I wanted the pies on the muffins. I said "yes that's what I asked for".. She came back and asked was there anything else.. I said "yes a Custard Pie".. Small or Large she asked with a smirk on her smug face... "Small I'm on a diet I replied.. ha!..

11:56 am  
Blogger Murph said...

For once I find myself on the same bus as Piggy & Tazzy.

I don't know how you live with yourself Kaz, living off the backs of those poor obese smokers.

Horizon the other night showed a 92 year-old Heart surgeon and a 100 year old woman who cycles 6 miles before breakfast. Bowie will probably be joining them eventually.

1:59 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

Yul would have been a good British citizen - he smoked 3,000 a day.

Bowie drinks a lot of coffee and also smokes 3,000 a day. He won't be a burden but he'll be a beautiful corpse.

What have you done to our David, Kaz? He looks worse than Ray Wilkins.

2:00 pm  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

Ch-ch-ch-changes!
I for one appreciate that pie-eating chain-smoking fatties have the decency to check out a timely fashion and not loiter about the malls like lobotomized extras in a Zombie movie.

This post is most fortuitous, why just the other day it was reported that some Doctors in Canada are refusing to 'see' obese patients because they are too much work, and they are going to explode and die anyway...
like poor Mr Creosote in The Meaning Of Life.

Fatties are the NEW Smokers!

2:10 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

My once-lustrous locks went thin at the age of 30 owing to an auto-immune disorder. Not a good look on a girl. I now have gorgeous hair again with the help of extensions. Cripplingly expensive though and takes me two hours to wash my hair every time, which is a right pain!

It has left me incredibly sympathetic to any man who suffers hair loss though. I now realise it's pretty devastating for them & their confidence, even if they do joke it off and take up a No. 1.

The one unforgiveable thing is to see a guy walking down the street sporting a a £10 nylon hairpiece ordered from a small ad at the back of a tabloid, usually in neon ginger! If they weren't so tight, they'd find that they *could* actually find much more realistic solutions.

Bowie's hair looks fantastic - he'd be a lucky b'stard indeed if it's still his own at his age. If it isn't, it still looks amazing and he has spent a great deal of money on it so fair do's to him. He's def had his teeth done, which used to be really manky.

2:26 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Isn't Geoff chatty today?

Robbie needs a coffee enema.

2:47 pm  
Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

Good news regarding the coffee. I think I will start shampooing in it. Also, I'll shampoo Robbie's hair if he'll let me.

3:39 pm  
Blogger Arabella said...

Does anyone look good in an orange muffler?

4:16 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

The obvious solution is to raise the retirement age of skinny latte drinking non smoking vegetablists to 107.

I can't decide which is nicer, lard or dripping.

4:56 pm  
Blogger Mopsa said...

After the picture of Yul looking cool, I couldn't concentrate. Wasn't he the Daniel Craig of his day.

5:04 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dave:
Rubbing coffee granules on your head will cure both greyness and baldness.

Wom:
I'd get on well with your Jane - a woman of taste.
Love the potato pie muffin story - are you the one who invented deep fried Mars bars?

Murph:
mj tells me that Piggy is due for his bus pass soon so you'll be with him more often.

Heart surgeon - OK - I just wish Bruce Forsyth would eat a few more lard pies.

Geoff:
Ray Wilkins is right - I too was shocked to see Bowie after my cloning activities,

P.S. Let's hope tomorrow's headlines say 'Brann flakes out of UEFA cup' - SORRY - it took me a week to think of that.

HE:
C-C-C-Cloning.
Their explosion will pay for my hip replacement.

Laura:
The extensions sound lovely.
I really admired a hairpiece wearer at work who decided to leave it a home for good one day. He walked into work one morning as bald as an egg to face students and colleagues.

mj:
Geoff in triplicate was lovely - but I deleted two of them to prevent rumours of lunch time drunkeness.
He'd get addicted to the enemas as well - Robbie not Geoff.

The [cherry]ride:
Robbie's over there at the moment and in desperate need of leurve.
Go for it.

Arabella:
No - but don't you think Gordon should use that poster in his election campaign?

Garfer:
You can be very spiteful - but methinks you predict the future.
Lard or Dripping? Have both.
I need more suckers to finance my future idleness.

Mopsa:
They both have a subtle sexiness - but Yul has that air of mystery.
After all - how many more Yul's do you know?

6:28 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

I didn't understand MJ's comment. I didn't realise I'd done it thrice. I wasn't pissed, honest.

I hear Brann's coach is a regular kind of guy.

7:46 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

Isn't drinking coffee supposed to ward off Alzheimer's? If we all drink 36 double espressos a day like Robbie Williams we may well live to be about 200 and completely healthy. Mind you, we could all end up so annoyingly hyperactive and easily irritated that we'll all end up killing each other well before that.

8:51 pm  
Anonymous Rimshot said...

Bowie, while a weirdo, has an amazing voice (or voices, to be more correct, if you're a keen listener).

As to the coffee/hair...lies, lies, bloody lies. Exhibit A: my pate.

9:28 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Geoff:
I believe you - thousands wouldn't.
Near the end the Norwegians looked a bit rough - age taking it's toll??

Betty:
But remember that coffee is also a diuretic - so (hopefully) we'd need far too many visits to the loo to do any real damage.

Rimshot:
I'm amazed that you think Bowie's wierd - he seems a perfectly regular superstar to me.
Re coffee - you obviously haven't been drinking enough.
I've seen your early hirsute photos.

10:33 pm  
Blogger Malc said...

Laughing Gnome - now THAT was weird.

And it's lard for cooking, dripping for toast.

8:22 am  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

Flaming Nora emits a soft groan. Even with no hair Bowie still looks gorgeous.

8:48 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Malc:
But he was so young he didn't know any better.
That's cruelty to toast (my favourite food). Is it true that lard is from pork and dripping from beef?
You should know.

Nora:
It's the bone structure daahling - Yul has it too.

11:08 am  
Blogger Homey said...

One of my all time favorite lines in any movie was Yul's declaration as Ramses in the Ten Commandments...
"Hizz Gawd, Izz Gawd"

Nobody, not even Pacino, could have said that with such oomph in that three pack a day baritone, a straight face, and while wearing that ponytail thingamabob on top of his head..
Truly one for the ages.

Oh Oh Oh and
"So let it be written,
so let it be done".

Classic dialogue that I try to weave into a conversation atleast once a day.

3:22 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I hate coffee. Never drink the stuff, but maybe I ought to start. My dad started losing his hair when he reached 30 and well. Only 7 months and 7 days (wow that was a bit freaky) until that happens

ugh

4:23 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

Coffee and David Bowie, two vices I've had from an early age and have no intention of giving up - ever.

Yul Brenner - I so would.

7:38 pm  
Blogger tony said...

(As A Fat Smoker) I Forgive You!

11:03 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

H:
Thanks for the crucial tip on making friends and influencing people. I shall brush up on my classic dialogue.

Pete:
30 - Yikes!
I hope you're saving up for Botox and a face lift.


Roses:
Not to mention the odd bottle of red I've heard you mention.

Tony:
Your compassion does you credit - you don't look very fat in your photos.

4:53 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Of course I am!

Been planning to get botox for my 30th birthday for about 10 years

9:02 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
Well thank god for that!
I left it too late and I'm really tired of this paper bag on my head.

9:30 pm  
Blogger Midnight said...

Very soon people will not be able to purchase pies in chip shops. They will be able to consume copious amounts of harmful chips, but will be forced into outside shelters to devour their pukka pie.

12:15 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Maybe you can get it in different colours?

That was my plan in case I didn't raise the money for botox

10:22 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Middy:
This sounds like it could be a quote from Stuart Maconie's 'Pies and Prejudice'.
But he's from Wigan so he loves his pies.

Pete:
Yeah!
We could go into production and make a fortune.
Forget Facebook - hello Facebag!

11:43 am  
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