Tuesday, March 18, 2008

FOOD glorious FOOD!!

I went to Manchester Royal Infirmary (as featured on last night's Coronation Street) on Thursday.
Don't worry about me - oh sorry you weren't - anyway, I'm fine except that I wasn't allowed to eat for over 24 hours beforehand.
Now call me a skinny shortarse if you must, but I do love my food. It’s one of my few remaining pleasures.
At 8.00am on Wednesday I was allowed one slice of white bread with a scraping of yellow stuff - NO MARMALADE. Bad news as Marmalade is my favourite food and this is my favourite marmalade. I have a special spoon to get to the bottom.

After feasting on the slice of white bread I survived on a bottle of Lucozade and several cups of black coffee. Oh and a glass of Sauvignon at 9pm.

All day I fantasised about food. I would have sold my granny for a tomato sandwich with Hellmans and black pepper.

I tried to read my current book for a while - ‘Brick Lane’.
Unfortunately on page 127 there's a description ... Monica Ali writes 'Fresh coriander made her swoon for the chicken. The deeply oily aubergine beckoned lasciviously. She wanted to stick her tongue into the velvety dhal.'

Food as sex - That's too much!
In the evening I picked up a magazine and was mysteriously drawn to the cookery pages at the back. Like a lonely sex starved bloke looking at a porno mag who can't touch and can't have but still loves to look , I lusted over the pictures of roasted Mediterranean vegetables, tagliatelle with smoked salmon and cream and almond tart. In my kitchen I found a previously unused cookery book with lovely pictures which kept me drooling until sleep released me from the ordeal.
What would your fantasy food be?
KAZ

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29 Comments:

Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

You skinny shortarse.

9:57 am  
Blogger stitchwort said...

How can I follow vicus' charm school homework?

Hope you are OK, and have now feasted on the marmalade, tomato, coriander, and cream, though perhaps not all at the same time.

When I was languishing flat on my back yesterday, toast and marmalade was what I most fancied, and was promptly brought to me by my DH.

10:46 am  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

Easy... Jane on toast..

Many many moons ago I spent time in Manchesters Biggest Hotel. Strangways... I have never got over the food.. I still have issues with food now, but the one thing I wanted the most was a Greggs Sausage Roll... It was much more than the taste though. It was the freedom of going in and buying the bugger I longed for. ;o)

11:37 am  
Blogger Murph said...

Is that you in the top pic, Kaz? You look in rude health.

We dogs know all about food deprivation - must be like the porridge previously referred to by Mr Tigley.

1:07 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

I occasionally get a craving for bananas on toast, with tooth rotting brown sugar ... or sausage sandwiches with ketchup.

Mind you, I'm much too sensible/liable to put on weight/likely to get indigestion to indulge nowadays.

1:27 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

Probably suet pudding with treacle and custard but my poor digestion couldn't handle it.

Has MJ got a picture of the special spoon to get to the bottom?

1:38 pm  
OpenID diddums said...

I don't think I could pick any one thing. :-) There was a game pie I had once at an inn; it was wondrous. Would love another...

1:57 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

Cheese and pickle toasted sandwiches. The sort you put in the sandwich toaster and have to scrape the sarni off the scallops, cause the non-stick now sticks. Got to be very mature cheddar and Branston pickle.

Yummy.

2:07 pm  
Anonymous Rimshot said...

A 20oz Porterhouse grilled over flame just until the pink is almost gone. A baked potato loaded with butter, sour cream, chives and fresh black pepper. A wheel of Brie baked until soft inside and served with slices of Granny Smith apples, Asian pears and a hearty, warm, crusty bread.

3:06 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

A toasted teaccake, dripping with butter.

4:20 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Vicus:
I love it when you talk dirty.

Stitch:
I fall asleep every night dreaming of toast and marmalade.
DH will be welcome round here any time.

Wom:
You've got Jane - I've got marmalade - not fair.
Re Your hotel - see Murph's comment below.
Did you meet Jim Mc Donald in there?

Murph:
Yes - that's me on the left with the feather in my hat.
I know you get plenty of the BCS. You should say edible food deprivation.

Betty:
Anything tastes better on toast or in a sandwich with ketchup.
The 'sensible' I don't believe.

Geoff:
Eugh - I'll just take the custard preferably in pie form.
It's a blue and white ceramic one given free on special offer with the marmalade. I'll never see it in the same light again now.

Diddums:
I've never tasted game.
I hope it was 'well hung'.

Roses:
Mmmmmm - sounds lovely.
As long as you don't mean Branson pickle.

Rimshot:
That's very precise - I couldn't eat without 'fresh black pepper' .
Perhaps your new job should be writing those effusive menus for posh restaurants.

Dave:
You ccan't beat it.

4:53 pm  
Blogger Ackworth Born said...

24 hours - that's tough - I've had times when I've had to go 12 hours - post starvation cravings? - beans on toast probably - the wife would be wanting a bacon buttie!

5:59 pm  
Blogger liits said...

Fish & chips [from Coe's on Crossgates Rd, Leeds] fish lightly done, chips a bit soggy. Topped off with brown sause [no salt]. Grand stuff.

6:11 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

Beluga caviar licked from her off the One Shows navel.

Or a nice teacake.

7:21 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

Cadbury's fruit and nut - yum

More importantly, are you ok?

7:40 pm  
Blogger I, still, ♥ the views said...

grilled tomatoes with triple lashings of freshly grated black pepper. . .

. . .and of your health, I'm fingers crossed

7:47 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Have You Ever Had Giant Yorkshire Pudding with Ice-Cream in The Middle? Brilliant hot/cold sweet/unswee Combo........yummy.'used to be a Pub near Ripponden that sold it.......

8:17 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Gerald:
Beans on toast? Well you should come round here as that's about the upper limit of my catering skills.

Lilts:
You can't beat fish and chips (my mum had a chip shop when I was a kid).
But forget the brown sauce.

Garfer:
Beluga bloody caviar - you can be so pretentious at times.
But she is rather gorgeous isn't she?
Tunnocks?
Perfect.

Ziggi:
Well I always knew you were a fruit and nut case.
Thanks - no news is good news.

View:
Strangely it was exactly that (on a sandwich) that had me hallucinating.
Thanks - I'm fine.

Tony:
Oh NO - sounds disgusting. I'll stick with Lancashire Hotpot.
I see your capitals are working again.

9:17 pm  
Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

Kiwis. Or Peanut Butter.

Better yet: Peanut Butter & Kiwi.

12:38 am  
Blogger Malc said...

There are times when I think I'd do murder for a steak and kidney pudding.

. . . or roast beef and Yorkshire pudding

. . . scallops and prawns

. . . bacon and cabbage

. . . chocolate mousse with brandy snaps

. . . homemade pizza

Look what you've started. I'll never get anything done today.

Hope the check-up/appointment was OK.

9:35 am  
Blogger MJ said...

You've whetted my appetite so before I return I'll have breakfast (it's 4 am here) and look for that spoon Geoff mentioned.

Your hair's looking a little stiff. Margaret Thatcher's stylist may not be the right choice for you.

11:17 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

The[cherry]ride:
I thought you liked cupcakes.

Malc:
I notice there's no roast pork there - unless you count the bacon I suppose.

mj:
I have two of those spoons.
I have big plans for the other one now.
The one on the left is me - with the feather in my cap.

5:12 pm  
Blogger Donn said...

That deeply oiled velvety dhal sounds tempting? If by dhal she is referring to a preparation of 'pulses' which have been 'stripped of their outer hulls and split.'
Sounds naughty...mmm


I'll have what she's having.

7:14 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

That tomato with Hellmans has me salivating...I think I may have to and have one, though in a wholemeal muffin. I may add some smoked salmon and cream cheese.

And while I'm downstairs I'll probably have some choc (Green & Blacks milk at room temperature for maximum taste enjoyment).

10:08 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Donn:
Yes - the way she writes it sounds much better than 'lentils' doesn't it?

NiC:
No Easter eggs for you then!

12:08 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

Jacket potatoe, done in the oven, with crispy skin, drowning in butter, pepper, lashings of Port Salut cheese draped on top and a sprinking of sea salt.

Nothing this comfort food couldn't cure...

3:54 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Licks lips in anticipation ... Wonderful - I'll swap the cheese for some coleslaw.

9:38 am  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

I hope all went well at th'ospickle Kaz. Oddly and Scarily, I'm also fasting today because of a hospital do-dah tomorrow. Not having any cravings just yet but I've got a tin of Baxters mushroom potage soup and some crusty bread ready for when I come home tomorrow. Comfort food.

11:16 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Not just any Mushroom soup but Mrs Baxter's potage soup eh?

4:34 pm  

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