Thursday, April 10, 2008

Now Then, Now Then.

I found a great site with some old ads. But a few things have changed.

------------------------------------------
THEN:

Soap for 'your precious complexion' at 9d per tablet.


NOW:
It’s compulsory to use deep penetrating, lifting and firming moisturiser with Collagen, Liposomes, Anti ageing serum, pro Retinol, Boswelox, Revitalift, Ceramide and spf 97.
------------------------------------------
THEN:
'An apple a day is the first rule of good health'

NOW:

Cider will guarantee you a seat on the winos’ bench outside Somerfield.

------------------------------------------

THEN:

The Kutnow’s powders ad says ‘Half an hour before breakfast ask your maid to bring you a glass of warm water with about a dessert-spoon full of Kutnow's in it - stir briskly and drink’


NOW:

Sounds just like a laxative to me.
Obviously a favourite with anorexics and bulimics.

------------------------------------------

THEN:
Murphy (an honest chap) likes 'plain speech' not guineas which used to be a trick to make prices sound lower.


NOW:
They never give the price. So you need to shop around on the net for several months.

KAZ

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44 Comments:

Blogger MJ said...

Excellent ads, Kaz!

I've asked the maid to rub a little Kutnow's around the rim of my Margarita glass.

8:04 pm  
Blogger Donnnn said...

Having your Kutnow pleasantly but firmly stirred half an hour before Breakfast certainly beats dieting and violent exercising.

8:28 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

A glass of cider each day and I'd be bulimic. Just the smell of it makes me feel sick.

8:36 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

mj:
You saucy thing - oh sorry - you mean on the glass?

Donnnnn:
I know that blokes often feel a firm stirring before breakfast.

Geoff:
Just stick with the 'Old Peculiar' - it suits you so well.

10:17 pm  
Anonymous Rimshot said...

What does one do in the unfortunate circumstance of not having a maid in one's employ? Are there further instructions for self-dosing?

11:33 pm  
Blogger I, still, ♥ the views said...

exactly! (what he said *up arrow*)

I love those old ads. . .

9:58 am  
Blogger Dave said...

But let's face it, when did you last see a wino at the doctors? Clearly it works.

11:19 am  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

Great post Kaz...
I like these.. I remember when a Pieman delivered my favorite food .. now it means he's on the Sex offenders register.

11:34 am  
Blogger MJ said...

I meant to say my "houseboy" not my maid.

11:35 am  
Blogger Murph said...

"Tell your maid to bring you a glass of warm water"?!!

At least it makes a change from a load of fat biffas sitting around complaining about "bloat" and "hard stools". Haven't you heard of cusions, love?!

11:54 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Rimshot:
Almost too awful to contemplate old chap.
One can console oneself that such a person could not afford the 2shillings and 9 pence to purchasethe item in the first place.

View:
There's always senna pods for the underprivileged

Dave:
How sad it is that logic so often lets one down.

Wom:
This mystified me at first Wom - but I persevered ...

Simple Simon met a pieman,
Going to the fair;
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me taste your ware."

Says the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Show me first your penny,"
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Indeed, I have not any."

eh????

mj:
Well you have so many houseboys to choose from - you should have a great time.
Just don't move too far away from the bathroom.

Murph:
They should wait for the DFS Sale. Then they could eat that yogurt stuff full of Bifidolactobasillius billius in comfort.

12:11 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

Can't I just bung a whole vat of Kutnow's into my teasmade, then it should last me for a whole month without the need to employ a maid?

2:04 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

That Kutnow's Powder sounds rather like the slimming product from Dr.Who last Saturday.....

4:22 pm  
Blogger tony said...

i miss guineas & threepenny-bits!
These days One's Maid would be Polish & she would slip a dose of Vodka in it Too! Yummy(ski)

5:43 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

A blinding posting Kaz! And don't all those pentapeptide bollox cosmetics just send your round the twist these days?

You go in to buy a simple all-purpose moisturiser and find such a thing no longer exists virtually!

6:10 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Betty:
Yet another handy hint for TV Quick.
But why don't you get Geoff to do it.

NiC:
It was ahead of its time.
You don't like Ms Tate do you? I remembered.

Tony:
Surely you don't remember guineas!
Do you get Polish butlers as well - Jeeveski and Wooster?

Laura:
Thanks.
I'm glad you agree about the Boswelox brigade.
That stuff just makes me feel guilty for not trying hard enough.

6:53 pm  
Blogger Mopsa said...

A maid, a maid a kingdom for a maid! Now, wouldn't that be nice. Your brill ads remind me of the old veterinary and livestock books I rummage through at the country shows - most suggest giving mercury to your dog/horse/whatever as a treatment.

7:09 pm  
Blogger I, still, ♥ the views said...

(my mother had perfect flawless skin - the only thing she ever used was soap and water and a smiedgeon of Oil of Ulay - in the days before it was Olay - and she only ever had the one bottle - it lasted her lifetime - whatever the preservatives were in the moisturizer worked wonders for her skin, and that was before they added all the "seven signs of ageing" gunk into the formula)

10:57 am  
Blogger Hyde DP said...

Whatever happened to Nivea?

2:04 pm  
Blogger I, still, ♥ the views said...

KAZ: http://woundupandreadytoplay.blogspot.com/2008/02/you-talk-like-marlene-dietrich.html

:-)

2:41 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Mopsa:
It beggars belief - I wonder what people will laugh at when they read our journals and ads in 60 years time?

View:
This really cheered me up.
BOOTS had an offer recently - 3 for 2- on those products.
It was as though I 'ought' to buy them to protect the public from the sight of my face.
Don't worry - I didn't.
I'll get some U/Olay next time - my mum liked it too.

Gerald:
I bet it's still lurking on the shelves but it's so cheap they don't want you to buy it.

View:
That's great - I missed it first time round.
Oh to be on the Boulevard St. Michel at this moment drinking a small café.

3:24 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Oh yes collagen...

We can't risk looking our age can we

6:16 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

But Pete:
We want to be able to smile and frown don't we?

8:31 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Do we really need to show emotions?

I mean Cher has gone through decades without it so can't we too?

8:36 pm  
Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

So exactly what kinds of "violent exercises" would that thin-waisted woman need to do, anyway?

8:43 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
But she still sang "If I could Turn Back Time".

Cherry[ride]:
The word 'violent' may suggest a connection with the black leather gloves. I bet she has a riding whip close by.

9:04 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I know, that was odd

trying to think of someone else then...

NICOLE KIDMAN

She must be a sucker for botox. Didn't sing about it HA!

9:48 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
She looks like a (beautiful) boiled potato.

9:54 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

but no wrinkles

10:27 pm  
Blogger stitchwort said...

Her figure may have been the envy of all then, but these days we don't admire a small pot belly quite so much.
And Trinny and Susannah would have something to say about that jacket button under strain.

12:38 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
It's the boiling that fills them out.

Stitch:
You can be very hard sometimes Stitch. But - you're right - Keira Knightley she isn't.

4:13 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

There is another botox victim right there

Maybe she should consider having those boils lanced?

4:15 pm  
Blogger T-Bird said...

Hey Kaz! This is the part where I was MJ from Infomaniac sent me...

I'm just going to make myself and home with my Kutnow's powder after I berate the maid. That water was no where near warm enough.

7:58 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
Where?
I've never had a boil - that sounds painful.

Good to see you T-bird.
Sorry about the maid - you just can't get the staff these days Daahling.
Let me slip a vodka into that Kutnow's for you.

8:33 pm  
Blogger breakerslion said...

Hi Kaz,

MJ at Infomaniac sent me.

Here in the
States, we have traded Lydia Pinkham's for Mydol, and plain old Epsom Salts for all manner of "organic" colon cleanse.

If you want to fight a holding action against aging, I guess that's up to you. Now they do it with Botox and a needle, then they did it with Bondo and a trowel.

4:24 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Elise, if I give you anymore collagen your lips are gonna look like they got stuck in a pool drain!

Fill'em up!

6:40 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hello Breakerslion:
Bondo sounds good - but I think I'll stick with Max Factor.

Pete:
Who is Elise?
Is it another name for Breakerslion or T-bird?
My lips are naturally full and voluptuous.

9:15 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

As are mine dear,

it's a quote from the movie 1st wives club.

Brilliant

5:52 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Thanks Pete:
Why haven't I seen that?
I just love Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn.
I'll get the DVD tomorrow.

6:38 pm  
Blogger T-Bird said...

Vodka, Kutnows and cigarettes would explain my lacklustre spelling and grammar in the last comment I made...

First Wives Club = Awesome. Ivana is in it! I've always loved her hair.

10:18 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

t-bird:
Ivana's hair was both behind and ahead of its time.

8:45 am  
Blogger Kimberly said...

Save me a seat on the bench outside Somerfield!!

An Aunt of mine is one of those vein women consumed with her looks (aren't we all)and addicted to every next breakthrough in any & all things having to do with plastic surgery. She's been under the knife so many times that her face is stuck in that shalack~like G-force thing. She just recently recovered from her 4th opperation and now when the Dr. Bills arrive in the mail, she can't even express a shocked look on her face any more.

3:00 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

I've got face cream with cera-bera-poptides in it. I still get spots.

9:54 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hello Ms Muldoon - aren't you a tad too old for spots?
I'll swap you for the wrinkles.

10:11 am  

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