Monday, May 12, 2008

Spring Fever

If you looked like this -


Would you choose to be doing this?



If you were one of these and your hormones were raging out of control and research insisted that you must think of sex at least once every 6 milliseconds.


Would this be your activity of choice?

The 'Phew wot a scorcher' headlines always coincide with exam time.

This is a photo of the students in the local park taken during this spell of good weather. Desperate for the sunshine the poor sods escape from the revision - but not from the guilt .



Year after thankless year of my adult life was spent trying to drag students through exams. I crammed their heads with masses of stuff which would probably be of little or no use to them later in life.

WHY?

Modules, retakes, finals, orals, mid semester, end of term, A levels, AS levels, external examinations, internal examinations (ouch!) .. the burden on these young people is intolerable.

Only in an exam room does anyone actually write with a real pen on lined paper for 3 hours.

It's MADNESS.

There must be a better way.

Alan Sugar didn't do A levels did he
?


KAZ

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30 Comments:

Blogger lucyfishwife said...

How in the name of the sweet Baby Jesus did you get hold of my school photo?
(Pathetic sniggering at own truly original sense of humour, followed by heartbroken sobs after a second look at the photo and reality check.)

3:22 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

How in the name of the sweet Baby Jesus did you get hold of my school photo?

4:55 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

I wish you'd all stop taking our Lord's name in vain. I love James Taylor.

Is the last picture an exam on washing instructions?

Anyway my suggestion is to turn the school holidays round and have exams in November. I'm sure most teachers wouldn't mind having their holidays reduced by 50%.

5:46 pm  
Blogger tony said...

I Agree, I sometimes think Exams&Study are intended to knock the Life&Spark out of people (good job I dont teach anymore!)

6:14 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

Exams are good training for work.

They're f**king boring.

6:33 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hello Lucy:
I believe that's the Harry Potter uniform - and so it can probably override the usual laws of nature.

Vicus:
Is that the picture with the oil lamp and the scratchy pen where you are revising your physics.

Murph:
Good guitarist - bit of a bore.

Bloody teachers these days eh - they finish at 3 o'clock every day so they don't need any holidays at all.
Good idea.

Tony:
You might not recognise it - it's knocked the life and spark out of the teachers as well.
It's teaching by ticklist.

Geoff:
Interesting theory - but don't you work in a room full of sexy women?

9:53 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

I bet there are plenty of young men who wanted Mistress Kaz to give them an oral.

2:36 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

mj:
All part of the service - but they had to wait until after the bell had gone.

11:18 am  
Blogger Roses said...

I hate exams, my brain always shuts down. I remember the answer to the questions an hour later after the paper has finished.

Though in honesty, I never looked like those students, but I was thinking about sex a lot. A shame I never took biology for GCSEs...

11:38 am  
Blogger stitchwort said...

If we looked like either of the young people in the photos, we'd probably be exploiting it in exactly the way they are.

I can honestly say that A levels in History, Latin, and Greek (that's ancient Greek) have only been truly useful for doing crosswords and quizzes.

12:22 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

If I met a guy looking like the bloke from the condom ad I think I'd be practicing orals
or maybe internal examinations?

A levels here we come!

6:12 pm  
Anonymous Rimshot said...

If this be madness there is method in it.

6:32 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

I didn't look like the young lady in the first picture when I was taking my A Levels, so I didn't even have an excuse to get miserably average results. Mind you, I bet she left school at 16 and had a well-paid "modelling" career. Life isn't fair, is it?

7:32 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

Research does indeed show that hormonal youngsters think of sex at least once every 6 milliseconds.

They think of really great sex once every 3 milliseconds too.

7:42 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Roses:
All that late night swotting makes your brain so heavy and full it can't function any more.
GCSE Biology takes the excitement out of it all by making you feel just like an earthworm or a rabbit.

Stitch:
Nothing there to help you cope with modern life. But help with 'Crosswords and Quizzes' sounds great.
I can't even answer the Chemistry questions on University Challenge.

Pete:
You'd love it round here in studentville - they all look like that.
Come to think of it - isn't that you in the park picture?

Rim:
Did Hamlet do his A levels?

Betty:
Life eh?
The gorgeous ones don't need to worry - they can walk straight out of the exam room and choose from the queue of men waiting outside.
And then the do the cover of Heat magazine.

Nora:
Much like mj really ... or David Platt.

8:48 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

Lined paper?? I don't recall lined paper!

I have you know I just did the Y6 science SAT and got 100%! (and that was without revision!)

I have 2 revisers and a house covered in multi coloured post-it notes that I can't understand.

10:02 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Congratulations Ziggi - I'm impressed.
Did you think about sex every 6 milliseconds? You look a bit like the girl in the picture.

4:01 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

Sorry, I can think of nothing to add to this post, but this comment.

I knew you'd want to be sure I was home though, having just read your 97 comments at my place.

5:05 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Yes that is indeed me over there by the trees with my legs in the air

5:23 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dave;
Welcome back - you've probably used up your comment allocation for the whole year now!
Now remember we must know the whole truth about your trip.

Pete:
So it is - if only I'd had the telephoto lens with me on the top of the bus.

5:31 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

I like the way you've left it until you've retired from this to reveal your true feelings!

Very wise. Look what happened to Professor Lacey when he revealed his concerns about Mad Cow Disease or Dr Andrew Wakefield when he revealed his concerns about MMR? Drummed out of their careers - both!

And all because they dared to question the status quo.

(and we all know they're really Chas 'n' Dave the rest of the week!)

5:35 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Anyway, kids have it way too easy these days. Why should they escape the misery of exams?

They only turn into monsters when they never have to wait for or anticipate anything and everything is handed to them on a plate.

As for sex, wasted on them, I say! You certainly don't have your best sex in your teens and twenties.

5:39 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

yes you're right, could be my twin.


snort

7:01 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

I haven't really got anything to say about exams except for French "O" level...which I failed. I obtained a "U" for unclassified which is much better than an E as it doesn't go on the certificate and ruin one's otherwise pretty good results.

Oui!

7:32 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Laura:
True - it's A levels which kept me in a job.
Those who can do - those who can't ...etc.

However, you are quite right - sex at that age is all wham bam. So perhaps exams are a cunning plan to make the buggers slow down and save a bit for later and better.

Ziggi:
All you need is that sexy tie nestling in your cleavage.

NiC:
Formidable!
I didn't know that or I'd have done a bit worse on my A level maths.
It's not fair that your O and A level results are with you for life.

9:42 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

My 11 O levels, and 3 A levels have got me where I am today.

Retired.

ps - new post up, as requested.

11:31 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dave:
Never mind - now there's time to enjoy those raging hormones.

1:20 pm  
Blogger Gareth said...

I was a swot, but still hated revision and exams even more - not surprising as I always failed.

7:27 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Oh Gareth - I'm so sorry you always failed. You can blame those rampant hormones.

8:48 pm  
Blogger Midnight said...

There is something to be said for the university of life. I've learned more through experience than I ever have through formal education, be it an O level or a masters.

12:20 am  

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