Monday, July 21, 2008

Muffin Top




I picked up the (free) Manchester Evening News in the airport on the way over. It was 6a.m. so that gave a whole new meaning to the term 'Evening'.

TWO Articles grabbed my attention:


Beverley Callard (Liz McDonald) is following in the steps of Elsie Tanner and Vera Duckworth. She has opened a pub in Hale Barns (posh).

But it's not doing well.

Bev's had to postpone her wedding and sell her house in Eccles (not posh).


"It's not as easy as it is on Coronation Street " she tells us. "I blame the
credit crunch and the smoking ban. Now I can't smoke I keep eating Custard Creams (my favourites) and I'm developing a muffin top which doesn't look good with the body con".

"Luckily they're into vanity sizing in the Alderley Edge boutiques so that saves my blushes when I'm shopping. They're always out to embarrass a sleb or do a bit of cosplay in short skirts and high heels".

Bev (51) hired her 'son' Andy (the less good looking twin) to run the pub. But even though he introduced colourful mocktails for the WAGs, she had to lay him off.

So he'll need to take out a sub - prime or go and work in a boiler room.


Liz had been reading the other article about the new entries in the Oxford English Dictionary.


KAZ

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37 Comments:

Blogger garfer said...

Don't all women in Alderley Edge have an onyx coffee table to set off their fake tans and cellulite?

10:33 am  
Blogger stitchwort said...

wha'ever.....

11:14 am  
Blogger ziggi said...

tell it to the hand cos the face doesn't have a clue what you're talking about.

11:16 am  
Blogger Murph said...

The term "pump and dump" means something else in Scotland I believe.

12:39 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

I always thought it was too peculiar for words that she hired her on screen son to work for her. Just a tad bit, I dunno, odd.

1:22 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

And there was me thinking Andy (the less good-looking one) had a bar in Spain.

If Bev's good name can't pull in the punters, what hope for your ordinary pub landlord? Has she tried skittles nights yet?

1:35 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

It could be worse. Vernon could be working there.

I'm surprised Geoff's not popped round to the pub to see Beverley Callard's breasts.

1:45 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Garfer:
Yes - so you hob nob with the wags I see.

I only go there now and then to look at the charity shops.

Stitch:
A perfect glottal stop - you sound just like a Manc.

Ziggi:
What's not to understand about custard, cream, muffin and top?

Murph:
I don't think Liz is actually a member of the McDonald clan.
McGoogle tells me it's an internet shares scam.

Nora:
Certainly is.
It's blurring the lines between soap and reality a bit too much.

Geoff:
Life imitates art.

I don't think Hale Barns residents do Corrie....but they love Footballer's Wives.

mj:
True:
That would double the takings.

But I don't think Betty would be satisfied with Andy (the less good - looking one) - her standards are far too high.

4:19 pm  
Blogger tony said...

They Dont Sell Newton&Ridleys! Thats way they flop?

4:52 pm  
Anonymous 'Shot said...

I think I understood four words of that.

5:56 pm  
Blogger Prof Wizenheimer said...

Methinks she needs a PUB-Prime loan.
She had to lay him off..lay him off..perplexing term.

Hip Hip Hurrah for custard!

9:56 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Tony:
Nowt wrong wi a good pint of Hydes.
But I see Liz is on the red.

'Shot:
Free, Manchester, Evening and News?

Prof:
'Lay him off' is certainly open to interpretation isn't it?

He isn't a blood relative y'know.

6:35 am  
Blogger Dave said...

I have no idea about what it is you are talking.

9:53 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dave:
Surely the Oxford English Dictionary is a publication with which you are familiar.

3:15 pm  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

The posh pub..... would that be the 'Mingers Head' or The Whale Tails & Bloaters...

4:44 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Maybe she should just not show off her muffin top?

People may then feel like sticking around. There is nothing worse than seeing what a few pints does to your body right in front of you while you are on your third one.

5:44 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

You'd have thought 'mocktails' would have swung it!

6:29 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

6:29 pm  
Blogger Midnight said...

Have you swallowed the urban dictionary? I've no idea what some of those things are, other than Walsall seems to be the muffin top capital of the world. All the Waynettas there seem to be sporting them and are apparently proud to be displaying them. Perhaps it's just to show they aren't pregnant and is some kind of mating ritual.

7:24 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Wom/Tom:
I just knew that you'd know 'posh' when you saw it.

That explains why I never used to see you in 'Yates's Wine Lodge' when I was knocking back the blobs.

Pete:
It's those low rise trousers and jeans that are everywhere. She should wear a smock.

Surely you never drink pints - it would ruin your image.

Laura:
The trouble with 'soft' drinks (no matter how pretty they look) is that they just go down too quickly and you get bored by the third one.

Middy:
EEurgh Waynetta - I'd forgotten her. Even worse than Vicki Pollard.
But I think that a lot of them look pregnant anyway and are very proud of it.

8:12 pm  
Blogger Malc said...

That's where the other twin's been lurking. Where is he in TV World?

And who says custard creams are the best biscuit? I beg to differ -it's Shrewsbury shortcake that rests on my saucer.

8:23 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

You are right on all counts.

First off that photo is so Britney. Low rise jeans should be banned because they make people look sloppy.

I am a cocktail kinda gal. I'd never lower myself to the pints. That is unless some really hot guy bought it for me and promised me um stuff if I drank it.

8:41 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Malc:
On the 'real' Coronation Street he was sent off to Spain to teach English - i.e. he got the sack.
I thought all shortcake came from Scotland - do you have it specially flown up from Shewsbury?

Pete:
I think they are on the way out in favour of those with high waistbands.
OK for Kate Moss - not so good for we shortarses.

He couldn't be worth ruining your image to that extent.

9:32 am  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

Kaz in the late 70's and early 80's I was in Yates on Back Piccadilly most Tea Times... at that time I was 'minding' a chap called Cockney Paul a local tattooist who worked the underground market. Fun Times..

12:59 pm  
Blogger EmmaK said...

she needs to change it to a lap dancing club. that'll get the punters in

4:33 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Sometimes you must kiss a few frogs to find a prince. So I'll do a few pints if a frog comes by.

Are we talking really high waistbands like Heather Locklear on Dynasty? Because that's very high and can also be quite unflattering.

4:52 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Tom:
'Minding Cockney Paul' - you should do a blog about your life.
I used to go in Yates's with my mum - I never stood a chance did I?

Emma:
The traditional British pub is in crisis.
I think cheap beer and free crisps would work better than lap dancing round our way

Pete:
Amazing as it may seem I didn't do 'Dynasty'.

But I was a massive Dallas fan so I think I know what you mean.
The legs flare from the hip and the waist band is wide and reaches upwards for a long way from the waist but not to the arm pits - yet.

8:14 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

*GASP!* You didn't do Dynasty?

How could that happen? Gosh!

But yes, exactly! Heather Locklear wore a pair of pink ones in an episode. I'm forever scarred from that.

6:14 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

It said on the radio just now that yesterday was hotter here than anywhere at all in the rest of the world but especially Spain. HA!

7:41 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
An exciting time in my life!

Ziggi:
Well it was double scorchio here.
HA to YOU too!

7:45 am  
Blogger I, like the view said...

are these words I would have known the meaning/definition of before the ECT?

I'm at a loss. . .

*shrugs in a bemused fashion*

however! (excitedly) I do remember you asking for chocolate. . .

. . .only, I can't remember what type

:-/

but/so this week's Festivities on a Friday include a huge selection

I hope you find what you quite fancy amongst the 57 varieties (oh, that's Heinz, wrong sort of carbohydrate - sorry)

:-)

7:45 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

View:
Don't worry - no one has heard of any of them apart from custard cream.
They just want to make the dictionary seem fashionable.
Coming over for my choc soon.

7:56 am  
Blogger I, like the view said...

quickly, it might melt in the early morning sun which is shining in thru the window. . .

(if it doesn't, it won't [melt, I mean] cos I'm on the eighth floor and it's blowing a Force 8 Gale up here on the outside and I don't know how to turn of the air-con on the inside - very chilly, have to wear a jumper)

8:09 am  
Blogger Mopsa said...

Oh my oh my, for the first time I really have NO idea what this is about. Should I be watching Corrie??? Please say not.

3:44 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

View:
It was delicious.

Mopsa:
No Corrie is boring these days - it's a habit I might soon break...if Nora will let me.

You should be reading the new Oxford English Dictionary.

12:01 pm  
Blogger Ackworth Born said...

if The Rovers was run the same way in the real world it would have shut down `years ago'.

how true and note how (just like her character) it is never HER fault.

1:52 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Never mind Liz - I bet you're going to miss Carol aren't you?

4:04 pm  

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