Tuesday, August 26, 2008

CLOSER than you think.



This weekend's cover might just be the last straw (ha ha!)

It could be all over between KAZ and the Guardian.


On the very day after I stopped work the Saturday Guardian completely changed its format.

Two new supplements were introduced - 'Guardian Work' (I don't) and 'Guardian Family' (I haven't any)

I sent them an e mail to find out whether they were trying to get rid of me. They didn't print it.

Perhaps 'Guardian Family' should be renamed 'Guardian Dysfunctional Family'.
Recent articles have been:

'A letter to my alcoholic husband' (sounds familiar).

'Why I invited my dad to be my birthing partner'

'My ex-partner secretly changed our son's surname from mine to hers'


Last week I came across a copy of 'Closer' in the dentist's waiting room.
They have very similar "real life" stories

'I'm glad my boyfriend slept with my sister -now our romance is stronger than ever'.

'I was an anorexic woman but a sex change cured me'.

Other Guardian family features are more like 'Woman's Weekly'


'Is it possible for a family to do Yoga together'?

'Can Nikki and her daughter make a skirt each in just 2 hours?

'Knit a stylish scarf without needles'

I cannot bring myself to comment on the Kate Garraway photo.
KAZ

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29 Comments:

Blogger garfer said...

Hurrah! One less po faced liberal Grauniad reader.

I can recommend the Torygraph, or Razzle.

8:34 am  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

I only read the newspapers for the knitting patterns. Pravda used to be dead good.

9:04 am  
Blogger I, like the view said...

(I don't use knitting patterns - I freestyle)(TheG did have an odd little pamphlet about the "new craze for knitting" a few weeks ago - that was when it ended for me, knitting was a "new craze" about five years ago. . .)(I digress)(distracted by vicus, as ever)

everything seems to be going downhill - what used to be my favourite weekly read (New Scientist) has declined in both quantity of informative features and editorial content/quality over the past year or so too. . .

. . .or perhaps I'm just getting old and miserable and crotchety?

(and no, vicus, that's not a oblique reference to crochet)

9:31 am  
Blogger I, like the view said...

(see how well I avoided commenting on the photo too! and breast feeding was once a subject very close to my heart - well, the left breast anyway)

9:33 am  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Poor you - it's always horrid when a romance goes wrong.

Then again sounds like your underarm tuck buddy didn't have much of a GSOH, not finding your letter funny enough to quote - perhaps you're better well rid if you can't be well read.

9:52 am  
Blogger Murph said...

Newspapers aren't cheap either. It can be a little deer keeping abreast of these left titles.

10:20 am  
Blogger stitchwort said...

We only have newspaper to stand the cat's litter tray on; content is immaterial.

The on-line Grauniad gives you some of the news - and the "news" is only what they think will attract readers, not necessarily what is actually happening.

10:38 am  
Blogger stitchwort said...

You may have noticed that I avoided commenting on the knitting pattern element of post and comments.

10:40 am  
Blogger Dave said...

I'm still annoyed that The Times moved my crossword from the back cover, thus making it harder to fill in without sticking the pen through the paper.

10:45 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Garfer:
At last I've found something you approve of.
No to the Torygraph (I'm allergic).
Dazzle's too expensive so I'll stick to 'People's Friend' which is much the same.

Vicus:
I bet you get plenty of patterns for Navy blue knickers with double gussets in Pravda.

View:
No - you will never be a Victor Meldrew - crochet or not

View2:
But I bet you stuck with your own species.

Laura:
Underarm tuck buddy - lovely.
Unfortunately the weekend Guardian needs a wheelbarrow.

Murph:
Applause!
That pun works on so many levels.
In fact it's a perceptive statement on sexual politics.

Stitch:
The tabloids are best for that -more absorbent.

Stitch2:
Oh g'won - let's start a knitting needle fight.
Touché

Dave:
I know, I know.
How you intellectuals suffer for your pleasures.

11:01 am  
Blogger Geoff said...

Betty reads the Family. Neither of us read the Work though I do read the Money and Travel.

I'm patiently waiting for Russell Brand to come back on the Sport. That Mitchell bloke is so boring.

That Kate picture really challenged my preconceptions.

1:35 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

It’s not too late to start a family.

You could knit yourself a uterus!

1:36 pm  
Blogger Mopsa said...

Kaz - you got there before me - I was SO going to post on that idiotic cover story and worse photo. I've not seen such a contrived load of calfshit for a while, and the Guardian gave it prime time coverage! Spit, spit, spit. Actually, their attempts to be low brow have me creased up; I can just imagine the smugness doing the rounds in their offices: "did you see how red-top I was last week?", "I managed to mention Victoria Beckham and Elton John twice last month", "two dicks and a bare nipple from me, Ron" etc etc.

3:51 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Geoff:
Yes re Russell in print.
He hasn't been around much recentlly.

Did the picture challenge your breast feeding conceptions or your feelings about Kate?
We need to know.

mj:
Oh thanks - I'll ask 'Stitchwort' to oblige.

And while you're in the mood could you find me a pattern for one of those baby harnesses that bolts to the wall - please?

3:54 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Mopsa:
Just got in from Sainsbury's and the picture is on the front of the Daily Mail as well.
Which proves your point beautifully.

And that 'Lost in Showbiz' on Friday is not as 'ironic' as it used to be.

3:58 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Well Yes.........Living In hebden is the same."Right On " People with Issues..........wanting it both ways.Sensitive/Liberal/ but still wanting Holidays in Tuscanny & Peru & To Drive Range Rovers (as long as the colour in Green)...........Happy to laugh At Chavs etc.............Give Me a Morbid Telegraph reader anyday........

5:05 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

My breast feeding conceptions.

I'd never realised before that cows were a different species from human beings.

Give the babbies Guinness, I say.

5:08 pm  
Blogger I, like the view said...

by curious coincidence there is a piece in New Scientist this week about how to turn grass into milk not via a cow. . .

. . .apparently the resulting liquid was too green for most people's approval, and tasted as if it had come out of bovine stomach #3, not #4

just thought I'd add that into the mix

5:15 pm  
Blogger Pete said...

I like the Torygraph if not its politics. The indi is ok

6:59 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

I should say that I only read the Family section to feel superior to the smug middle class types and their terribly well behaved and precocious children who feature in every bloody article.

Charlie Brooker in a really bad mood - that's one of the few saving graces of The Grauniad.

7:38 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Tony:
Be careful what you wish for.
Yes I know the sort - recycle their Guardian, use Ecover toothpaste and wear organic T shirts.
Then send little Kaitlin to private school in the 4X4 while daddy shags the nanny.

Geoff:
Haaa (in the voice of Sigmund Freud) - vaairy interesting!

Weren't expectant mums given Guiness on the National Health at one time or did I make that up?

BTW - the cows are the ones with udders.

View:
Ain't science wonderful.
It'll be very easy to get rid of the green and the taste.
Give it 6 months to be on the shelf in Tesco.

Pete:
I have respect for the Indi - but find it a tad boring.
Perhaps I like a touch of the Red Top.
I know - I'll get the Indi and Heat magazine!

Betty:
Thank God you explained - I was worried about you. There's something about 'A family making soup together' and similar articles that reaffirms my life choices.

Yeah!! Long live Charlie.

8:53 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

Loved 'I was an anorexic woman but a sex change cured me'. I may put that on my CV.

6:46 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hi Steve:
Good idea - the job's almost yours.

4:38 pm  
Blogger The Birdwatcher said...

Dam. After much agonising I decided last Friday that that was it for the G. Switched to the Independent on Saturday. Have now decided to give up newspapers, and just read Private Eye every fortnight.

11:43 pm  
Blogger Donnnnn said...

The headline could have read;
the Calves and the Calvenots or
MOOvers and Shakers?

The cover is spot on..I mean it's only fair since we Humans drink all of their Milk (Tit for Tat) and there isn't any left for the bloody Calves!
Poor dears.

5:00 am  
Blogger Ackworth Born said...

who needs newspapers now we have blogs to read?

true we can't take them on the bus - I can usually get through the MetroNews in about a two mile journey.

11:10 am  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

Don't try commenting on the K.C. photo... folks will just think you are milking it...
It was taken in Huddersfield, with a Nipon DLSR.

7:15 pm  
Blogger Malc said...

Had an odd moment then. When you said Closer - I thought it was the Joy Division album. the whole thing reads very differently then.

9:03 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Birdwatcher:
Yes
Interweb and People's Friend from now on.

Donnn:
Glad you saved me from making a comment on it.
Of course you don't get the (too good to be true) Kate Garraway on Canadian TV.

Gerald:
Yes - and I do get most of my news via the web.
We have broadband in Wetherspoons so it's just a matter of time before we get it on the bus.

Wom:
LOL - Udders and Nipons??
Can you write my blog for me please??

Malc:
Or the film with Jude, Clive, Julia and Natalie.

8:57 am  

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