Thursday, October 16, 2008

Advice for Madonna




So - I suppose Madge and Guy will soon be making two other people miserable.

I saw Madonna first in Live Aid and was impressed - her confidence was irresistible and she could sing and dance at the same time.

Then there was her famous appearance at the Haçienda.

You will notice that in 1985 ....

1 She was a bit chubby (in a nice sort of way)

2 Her clothes were a Cyndi Lauper style -a quirky baggy rag bag of an outfit.
i.e. Jumble sale chic.

She looked great.

So why at the age of 50 is she making herself and everyone else miserable by looking like this.


Use your creativity Madge. Cover up that ageing body, relax and look great.

Your fans will still love you even if it‘s too late for Guy - and what had he got to offer anyway?

And you could be the winner of Gok's ‘street style’ competition.

KAZ

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30 Comments:

Blogger Steve said...

Oh my God... that last picture of Madge... she looks like the awful female drill sgt in Private Benjamin... not good.

7:31 am  
Blogger Murph said...

I thought she looked a bit black in the last picture with Gok.

Why can't she just go on a retail spree and solve the credit crunch single handed?

8:30 am  
Blogger garfer said...

Madge has scared poor Guy off with her big pants.

Hopefully the mad Yankee bint will now clear off and stop drinking our nice warm beer. She can take Heather Macca Mills with her.

9:24 am  
Blogger SSS said...

I was reading something about Madge the other day, it was in connection with the face/arse dilemma. Apparently women reach an age where they have to choose between keeping their arse pert but losing the fat from their face or stay normal looking and have a bit of an arse. Madge has chosen the arse. Wrong choice.

11:09 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Steve:
And to think it was probably airbrushed and photoshopped by the best experts that money can buy.

Murph:
No Murph - that's the young woman who won.
If Madonna wore that she'd only look 49.

She could go shopping with Kerry Katona to Iceland.

Garfer:
Be thankful she isn't wearing a thong.
Perhaps she could introduce Heather MM to Guy.
He's called Ritchie - she'd love the sound of that.

sss:
Ah - the face/arse dilemma. Thanks sss.
*Rushes off to eat chips and cream cakes*.

12:16 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Tony Wilson is looking down from Heaven & smiling...?

12:20 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

I don't think she's capable of being relaxed, is she? I remember seeing Vadge at Live Aid 2 and thinking how much of a contrast there was between her great performance and the interview prior to it in which she came across as being a complete cow.

1:30 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

She should get together with the real deal this time.

Is Vinnie Jones available?

1:33 pm  
Blogger BEAST said...

I have seen Madge live a couple of times and I have to say she was excellent value , she is apparently a vile tempered harridan in real life

1:41 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

I have never seen her perform, am indifferent to her music, and don't care, not even a bit, what she looks like. For the record, I did not look like that at fifty. At least, not intentionally.

2:53 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

It got the world economic meltdown off the top spot so I guess she's still got it.

Though one does wonder how, looking at that last shot.

4:37 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Tony:
Can't imagine Tony likes it much in heaven.
I try to cheer him up .

Betty:
I watched that in Spain but during the Madonna part they decided to show an old bloke talking on and on about something or other - as they do.
Still we don't need to like her do we? But we do need to look at her and it's getting more and more worryng.

Geoff:
You nearly synched with Betty!
Great choice - and that would make her Madge the Wag.

Beast:
You can't argue with 'Blonde Ambition'.
I liked the Gaultier look best with the pointed bra.

Vicus:
So sorry you've been bored.
I'll try harder next time.

NiC:
Well she is a bit like British royalty these days.
I find it difficult to look without thinking of surgeons' knives and excruciating gym routines.

4:49 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

*titters at Betty's "vadge" moniker*

No, not at Betty's vadge.

*digging hole deeper*

And again.

I'm done here.

4:51 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

I'm not going to look like that at 50 - unfortunately that may not be an improvement.

6:46 pm  
Blogger I, like the view said...

you can get an outfit like that at your local jumble sale?

tell me when the next one's one!

9:25 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

mj:
Are you in Australia yet?

Ziggi:
It's not fair - you can use your witchy powers - the rest of us rely on Boswelox.

View:
I'll keep you informed - but you'll need sharp elbows.

10:05 am  
Blogger MJ said...

It's your fault that I dreamed about Vadge, er, Madge last night.

I was trying to continue my dream of shagging Corrie's Jim McDonald from last week but you've ruined it for me.

2:47 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

Who is this Madonna of whom you write? Does she play for Manchester City?

4:05 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

mj:
Were you "In Bed with Madonna"?
Or did she run off with Jim?
Perhaps you'll get Ken Barlow tonight.

Dave:
(Waves)
Can you see me alright?

People often mistake Madonna for Maradonna - an Argentinian player.
Now you've had the op you'll be able to tell the difference!

4:16 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Yea Heaven & Manchester ! Strange Combo!!!

8:57 am  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

You are quite right Kaz - she looked happy, bouncy, goth-chic and great when younger.

She could still look all of the above more's the tragedy - those tacky crappy leotards would make any woman of any age look like reotard.

Mind you if I spent three hours a day in the gym, I guess I'd want people to know I did & that means exposing copious amounts of flesh - or rather proving I didn't have copious amounts of flesh to expose.

But the gaunt look doesn't do her any favours on the ageing front in any case, so if she thinks it does, she is kidding herself. She could be almost as fit and look a great deal better with a few more ounces on.

Also I liked her much better before all this weirdo Kabbalah nonsense.

12:58 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

Of course the real casualties in all of this are those lovely litle bairns. Oh well, I suppose they can always send them back to Africa.

4:12 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Tony:
Oh I don't know - It's heavenly living in Manchester.

Laura:
Leotard and Reotard?
No wonder you're the Poet Lauraeate.
And if the present crop of Manchester students are anything to go by - that look is sooo NOW!

Nora:
Yes:
I'm sure the little African boy would be much happier back home.
The other two probably don't know where 'home' is.

9:01 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Well maybe she used to be able to sing AND dance at the same time back in the 80s but that certainly isn't the case anymore. She sounded like a strung out lung cancer victim on the Confessions concert in Horsens.

She looks bloody awful (I like the boots though) and I say poor Guy for having to put up with that for almost 8 years. I kind of like Guy, well more than Madonna that's for sure. Can't have been easy being married to that.

4:25 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Oh and no, I'm not a Madonna hater. I just happen to find her looking bloody ugly now and her new stuff quite lackluster.

4:26 pm  
Blogger DONN COPPENS said...

I concur.
Madge should now concentrate almost exclusively on being the MILF of the Century.

That would entail dressing like a typical Suburbian 50 year old Whorehouse Madame (fleshing out a little) HELLO!

...and moving back across the Pond to be a Celebrity panelist on 'America's GOT Talent'.

*here's a tip Sweetheart, watch how Paula Abdul phones it in..
brilliant!

6:40 pm  
OpenID Arabella said...

I liked the flesh when she was young and starting out, never really liked the music and always had a problem with her eyes - bit mean-looking or humorless, I don't know. So she's always under my radar.
But it's true that skinny is aging as one gets older...which sounds like a good reason to go and have a sausage sarnie and a pint. Thanks Madge!

1:00 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
'Strung out lung cancer victim' Ha ha - *tell it like it is mate*!
She needs to take our advice eh?

Donn:
You should get paid serious money for advice like that.
She needs to move on and the MILF idea sounds excellent.

Arabella:
I'm a bit skinny now - but if I put on weight it all goes in the wrong places instead of making me Rubenesque and gorgeous.
So, I'll pass on the sausage and just take the pint - cheers!

10:39 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

absolutely. Put on some clothes on, take a few dozen valium and retire.

4:45 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Cyberpete.
Ooh valium again - I wish she'd give some to me.

5:54 pm  

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