Monday, November 17, 2008


There are many things which would improve the quality of my life.

For example - I could do with longer legs. Using the same type of battery for all my clocks, remote controls and other gadgets would be good as well as the freedom to drink more than a few glasses of Sauvignon without the punishment of a throbbing headache.

But the single factor that would improve my life most - is the ability to type.

I have tried and tried. But since my attempts on the Amstrad in the eighties there has been little improvement.

Seldom do I manage a capital letter first time. Except on the rare occasions when TWo come along at once like double deckers on Wilmslow Rd.

Anagrams appera - see - appear as if by magic. Spain always comes out as Sapin.

And why do I always get og or od when ‘of’ is just as statistically probable?

I used to think I couldn't read the wvs as it takes me so long to get it right.
Then I realised that I was reading them correctly but mistyping them.
But are these js or is?
I thought this one had an umlaut.
I've tried kiddies typing programmes, learned correct fingering and spent hours practising.

No improvement.

Should I call Mavis Beacon or try voice recognition? And would it understand my trouble a t'mill voice - or would I have to talk posh?




Blogger Dave said...

It's evne wrse wen onse eyse are plyanig up.

8:03 am  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

Oh my fod I do the exact same thing!

Blimey, Dave has gotten dressed...

8:23 am  
Blogger I, like the view said...

"they" should have reinvented the layout of letters on a keyboard when "they" invesnted the computer

you know, I'm sure that the original qwertyuiop layout was designed to slow typists down, as human fingers were faster than the mechanical mechanism of the original rtypewriter

personally, I don't mind how long your labouts takes to appear on my screen, as they are always so entertaining and thought provoking

keep up the good (if somehwta labour intesnive) work KAZ

(I've left my typos in this time, to reassure you thata it happnes to all of us)

9:17 am  
Blogger ziggi said...

O lmpe rcsvy;u qgsy upt mran!

9:39 am  
Blogger Dave said...

Shush, Scarlet-blue, don't let thme kno I was naked ruond at yuor plcae.

9:47 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Oh Dave - Now I feel guilty for bothering you with my own paltry problems.

food - nice to know I'm not alone.
Seems Dave scrubs up well - once or twice a year.
(I typed yaer)

The French keyboard is quite different - but still illogical.
I recognise those anagrams - not too sure about a labout?

9.39am - have you handed in your notice?
Brilliant typing - you could give me some hints.

Your secret is safe - bloggers never read other people's comments.
We look forward to a naked avatar.

10:27 am  
Blogger Murph said...

I already use a naked avatar.

I'm a bit issed off because one of my oxy keys doesn't oerate roerly.

You sound like our local generating Company Kaz - Diss Leccy

10:42 am  
Blogger garfer said...

Get a job with the Guardian. They specialise in typos.

10:53 am  
Blogger MJ said...

I was shocked to find out that Mavis Beacon is not a real person.

Aren't you glad MJ is only two letters?

11:09 am  
Blogger I, like the view said...


11:13 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

You dirty dog!
Has Mr - inched it?

Oh - not Diss again - can't you have a day out in Dat for a change?

Do you mean the Grauniad?
Whenever I type that it comes out as Guardian. Ha Ha.

You'll be telling me next that they don't drink beer in The Rovers Return.

Ah - one of the pleasanter ones - eh?

1:14 pm  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

So Dave is going to get naked again???

1:46 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

I learned to type on an old Amstrad, writing a whole play two-fingered. Oh what an angry young man I was!

I probably use the numbers just as much as the letters. I use the numbers along the top rather than those at the side. I am a really fascinating person.

1:50 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

Apparently Stephen Hawking never makes typos or spelling mistakes... but then I imagine you tend to be extra careful when touch typing with your left eyelid.

2:00 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

Scarlet-blue, I'll show you mine if you show me...

2:30 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

I think "I, like the view" is right about why the keyboard is laid out. Maybe it is time for an alphabetic keyboard....and here's how to make one:

At t'weekend I accidentally poured nearly a whole cup of tea into my wireless keyboard....the letters then came out in a different order to that which we qwerty-ites are used to. Perhaps if one poured the right amount of tea in, one could get an alphabetic layout keyboard? Would this make it any easier? I don't know but since my txting is far slower than my typing I suspect not.

The Belgian's I used to work for had azerty keyboards, is the same as the French one?

3:38 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Probably - but do be careful what you wish for.

I bet Harold Pinter couldn't use those numbers at the top.

After hearing about Dave's problems and now Mr Hawking - I feel so bad I might top myself.
Oh - perhaps not - it's double Corrie tonight.

If I still worked in the lab I could send over some bromide.
Perhaps a cold shower or a nice cup of Ovaltine.

I think an alphabetical keyboard would be better with all the /:;'\|?{]¬ keys at the side - well out of the way.
Try typing in the shower for a complete conversion.
Trouble is we'd then have to unlearn the qwerty one.
Yes French is azerty.
Spanish has no @ key

4:12 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

correct fingering is essential.

I spent took typing for 3 years and that helped a lot but a typo does slip in there once in a while if I type too fast. I also spend most of the days at work typing (Although if my boss asks please say I'm making important decisions)

4:44 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I hear the software sucks. I assume when we talk software it's a bad thing?

4:45 pm  
Blogger BEAST said...

I am rubbish at typing as well , which is a major drawback for a computer programmer .
Years ago when I worked in a london hotel and we had to type telexes in to a paper tape machine and then feed the tape thru the telex . we were sending a telex to Iraq and the dozy receptionist put the tape in upside down . She got very excited at the wonders of modern science as she assumed that the resulting gibberish was the machine translating it to Arabic.
She probably works in the foreign office now :-(

5:36 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Hey KAZ!!!! Я ИМЕЮ как раз такую же проблему!!!!!!

6:38 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Your secret is safe with me.
I presume you mean voice recognition software. Probably a bad idea.
I'll try the fingering again.

I went to an html course last year which was essentially 2 hours of solid typing.
I was the dunce. I made so many mistakes.

I think that person is probably Minister for Education now.
Is she called Balls?

I presume it's Polish - but I don't know how you do it.

7:54 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

I'm a touch typist. The first six months of learning to touch type were hellish - just typing the same thing again and again on a rusty old manual typewriter. With everyone else in the classroom doing the same thing, the noise was horrendous.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog ... bloody hell.

7:58 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I feel awe and admiration when I watch touch typists at work. Rather like watching a tightrope walker or a magician.
My mate taught typing. Whenever I went to her classroom the noise was deafening but there was no sound from the students - they were completely engrossed.

10:56 am  
Blogger Ex Captain my Captain said...

The older I get the more typos I seem to make. I have had to retype this several times. I thought it was a sign of mental decay. Now I'm not so sure.

10:43 pm  
Blogger Malc said...

I learned to touch-type at reporter boot camp with the instructor standing at the front of the class bawling "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog - return". I've since given up on the little fingers.

8:59 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hello ex etc:
Are you the birdwatcher - or his friend?
No - not mental decay - but it's certainly more difficult to type on a lap top if you changed.

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog". I didn't believe they actually used that - seems they do.
I say - Good for the fox

11:56 am  
Blogger Phoenis Rizing said...

Not to worry My Dear...
they're designing new keyboards to accomodate the furious pace of the multi-tasking Gen Nexters who only know how to txtmsg...
kybrds wll hv 15 kys...
so thy cn tlk n sprts...
jst lik ths..
bt rlly rlly fst!
coz thyr n a hrry?

2:06 pm  
Blogger Rimshot said...

I haven't read all the comments already left, but have you considered voice recognition software? It's come a long way since the first introductions.

But then again, I'm sure I speak for most all of us when I say that we don't judge you on your typing skills anyway.

4:45 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Sounds good.
I sometimes feel like a 'gen nexter' even though I'm a 'gen exer'.
It's because I'm always in a rl hrry.

Interesting idea which I might try.
It's just that when you type badly the writing lags so far behind the ideas in my head.
I find this incredibly frustrating.

9:36 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I make plenty of misnakes when typing, but I'm far worse when it comes to writing, probably because writing is even slower than typing. I sometimes find myself putting down a letter or word (or ending) in the wrong placed simply because my mind has skipped ahead to that point. Furstrating.

Then there are the errors I always make, automatically, even though I know they're wrong... such as "I have flue so had to botter off to ped."

12:34 am  

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