Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Killer Heels

I have openly admitted to being a shortarse - so you won't be underwhelmed when we meet. There was a time when I wore high(ish) heels and the hideous platforms of the eighties were the answer to my prayers.

But I've been wearing Docs for years now - even for parties.
(Ed: Parties?? .... What parties?)


OK everyone thinks I'm standing in a hole, but according to this site I'm not much smaller than St. Francis of Assisi ... or Kylie.

So I shall ignore the current fashion for 7" super stilettos (that's over half a foot ha ha) - unlike Posh and Cam who turned up somewhere wearing identical pairs. These were probably by Christian Louboutin and cost a few hundred quid.


They're a bit cheaper at Primark.

[click to make even higher]

As well as bunions and corns, prolonged wearing of these shoes can cause broken bones, incontinence, back pain, menstrual dysfunction and fertility problems. You can find handy survival hints on U tube such as taking ibuprofen before venturing out.

Elsewhere on U tube, shoe fetishists must think they've died and gone to heaven.



Great Guitar Soundtrack.
KAZ

Labels:

160 Comments:

Blogger Steve said...

Ladies (or gents) in heels have never done it for me. I much prefer a well formed boots on man and boy and Doc's are certainly up there in terms of shoe wear royalty. I used to wear them myself for years but was converted some years back to Cats - steel toe-tectors. Make my feet really protected. However, they do make it impossible to moonwalk but that is no bad thing.

7:26 am  
Blogger Dave said...

Must get my Docs out of the wardrobe and back on my feet.

I've never worn high heels myself, depite being 5'8" and therefore looked down on by many. Perhaps that's why I like being in a pulpit.

7:55 am  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

I wore three inch heels the other day, despite already being over 5' 10"

someone (much much shorter) asked me why I wore heels when I was already so tall, as if it was a crime

I recently treated myself to a pair of new heels: red patent and peeptoe, with some kind of really comfortable lining, so your foot feels as if it's being massaged as you walk (on sale at Clarks - a bargain!)

I await an occasion for which I can wear those

but my favourite shoes are my b/w Converse All Stars

8:30 am  
Blogger garfer said...

I'd like to leave an intelligent comment but unfortunately I'm too dumbstruck by the size of Posh Spice's head in relation to her body.

Pickle her and stick her in a jar next to the weird foetus's in the Natural History Museum and she'd look quite at home.

8:55 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Steve:
Moonwalk?
Do you really want to emulate Michael Jackson and Sting?
Stick with the Cats.

Dave:
Well according to that site you're an inch bigger than Julie Andrews and Anjelina Jolie.
Yes - a pulpit is a bit like consecrated stilettos isn't it?

View:
I love Converse All Stars - but they make me feel as if I'm in a really deep hole - no heel at all.
If we ever meet will you please take a seat.

Garfer:
Exactly - and what about the size of her head in relation to those tiny vol-au-vents?
I don't suppose she's actually eat one would she?

9:56 am  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

I'm 4ft 11" but also prefer Docs, Converse and Uggs. You never know when you might need to run...

10:32 am  
Blogger zIggI said...

I like shoes
:)

However, we have jolly OfSTED in today and I am flirty with danger being on here and commenting HA!

They could walk passed any second . . .

It's currently more exciting than new shoes!

10:34 am  
Blogger Betty said...

The YouTube clip is really the kind of advertising they have on at your local cinema Kaz. Couldn't they have chosen a more exotic location for her to saunter around?

Does anyone actually wear those stacked up Gwyneth Paltrow/Posh shoes in real life? I should imagine you have to go into months of training just to walk from the limo up the red carpet in those things.

1:01 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

I always thought Bo Diddley was a giant of a man.

Those shoes are too big!

1:30 pm  
Blogger Tom said...

Oh god, I'm so health concsious - can't you just see what those shoes do to your body, and they make you walk really weird like you have a cow's arse.

Sorry, shall I get my coat?

2:21 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Will you be wearing Docs to my party?

I have a feeling some arse-kicking will be in order.

3:19 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Scarlet:
Great - if you stand on my shoulders we can have a proper converstion with 'View'.

I can't even walk in Uggs - I just sort of 'schlurp'.

Ziggi:
Yiiiiikes!
OfSTED.
(has short panic attack)
The principal once caught me reading the IKEA catalogue while riots and chaos reigned all around me.

Betty:
Perhaps shoe fetishists prefer it by the roadside. I did wonder what that ancient couple passing by thought about it.

And you'd have to drink gin free tonic at the A list reception.

Geoff:
He was just a tiddly Diddley.

Tom:
It's just another example of men's oppression of women - like foot binding.

mj:
Yes with steel toe caps - but then again - stilettos would make a great weapon in a fight for the Jamesons.

4:46 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Feet Run In My Family..........

4:57 pm  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

I can't walk up hill in Uggs... I have a high instep. And yes they sort of schlurp...
Sx

5:32 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

So it was actually St Francis of Short-Assi ?

If you like that soundtrack you'll like this.

5:59 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Those are a bit high.

You are shorter than Kylie? Wow, she's pintsized.

You should put on a pair of stilettos or platforms for MJs party.

6:30 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

Michael Jackson I could just about cope with... but Sting? That's a low blow. Better a weirdo than a wanker.

7:20 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

Slippers.

My favourite shoes are my slippers.

It used to be Docs and it used to be pointy cuban heel winkle-pickers but these days it's my slippers.

Comfort is all.

Those shoes are too big for the woman in that video....is that part of the fetish? Nice geetar though.

8:26 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Tony:
Yes.
And I believe you will be wearing wellies for mj's Christmas party.

Scarlet:
A high instep?
I hear you'd be much appreciated in 'Foot Fetish Weekly'.

Murph:
Haha!
I shall make him my role model - after all he was the Patron Saint of Animals - a bit like a religious Doctor Doolittle.
Thanks for the guitar link - I'll pass it on to him upstairs.

Pete:
Yes 'Me and Kylie' - petite and proud of it.
I wish to remain vertical at the party - so I'll stick to my Docs - the cream suede ones.

Steve:
'Better a weirdo than a wanker'.
Excellent - henceforth that will be my personal maxim.

8:29 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

NiC:
Ah slippers.
I was rather concerned to read that slippers have been removed form the list which defines our cost of living index.
Surely everyone needs to slip into comfortable footwear at home - even the style gurus.

There were lots of similar videos - but I really liked that geetar.

8:34 pm  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

I can't do those in comment linky things, but I thought you'd like this:

http://wirelessdigest.typepad.com/
photos/uncategorized/monkton.jpg

altho, on the other hand, a lovely pair of warm and comfy slippers might be of preference. . .

10:06 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I found a great selection for MJs party. If Kylie can dance in 5" stilettos so can you - come over and pick out the ones you'll wear.

11:08 pm  
Blogger Ponita said...

UGG now makes boots that are much more fitted and zip up the back - perfect for the likes of me with long, narrow, high-instepped kinda feet.

Very toasty warm for the clime here in Winterpeg.

Can't wear anything over about 2 1/2" - I just fall off and sprain my ankles.... not such a good thing. Besides, I am already a little over 5'9" so really don't need the height.

5:46 am  
Blogger Donn Coppens said...

I had my bunions removed when I was 13 and my arches went completely flat the next morning which ended my track and field days.
Am I Bitter, yes.

Ooh but I actually have a pair of those exact Curb Stompin' Docs..but who doesn't?

Heels make me nervous because very few Ladies seem to know how to actually accomplish anything useful in them...
other than prostitutes and strippers.

Aside from forcing the buttocks to portrude all they really do is endanger your spine, knees, and ankles...
sorry, they don't do a thing for me but then again I'm not a chiropractor.

6:02 am  
Blogger zIggI said...

Day 2
Just looking for my Ikea catalogue to take in.

7:27 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

View:
Lovely Monkton drawings.
Slippers can be sexy as well as comfy.

Pete:
Have you got size 36?
I bet that's the same as Kylie - and have you seen what happened to me at the party?

Hi Ponita:
I haven't seen those - if the zip is up the back what happens to the UGG logo?
Is it bisected?
I'm struggling with the cold in Manchester - I can't imagine what it feels like over there.

Donn:
Bitter - I'm not surprised - poor you.
One of my georgeous students (aged 18) was refused a bunion op 'cos they said they would just return.
She was told to wear trainers - but she didn't.

I take it you're not a fan of protruding buttocks.

Ziggi:
I could lend you Heal's and Habitat for day 3.

11:58 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I'm sure I could find you a pair.

I saw! Thank god you wore knickers!

Did you see what she did to me? Oh the horror!

12:09 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
Don't worry - no one here would believe you wore orange crocks ...well not for a party anyway!

5:31 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Both you and CyberPoof have no shame, do you?

6:08 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Sorry - not time to reply - must get back to your party!
My reputation hangs in the balance.

6:23 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

KAZ: It wasn't any one particular incident.

Just your general devil-may-care attitude and the ever-present threat of bad behaviour on your part.

6:33 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

MJ:
Threat?
I'm threatening to call the cops if that party gets any wilder.

11:26 am  
Blogger MJ said...

I think someone slipped something into my drink.

And my uterus is missing.

4:17 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

The world thanks the one who stole it

8:53 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

MJ and Pete:
I'm presuming you speak of the knitted uterus.
It can be very cold in Canada so the thief needed a warm hat for the walk home.

8:58 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

Doc Marten's are the only shoes I wear. They're gorgeous shoes, not just the clumpy old boots that most people think of - and they last forever too. I'm a big lass (nearly 6 foot) so Doc Martens suit my personality and my height.

2:35 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Bloody 'ell Nora - tha's a reet big lass.

So - as well as all the other things - we have Docs in common too.
But not height.

10:20 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Whichever really.

MJ spawning is a scary thought.

7:17 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
Oh I don't think so.
An offspring of mj and Cyberpete would be both witty and chic.
(Runs for cover)

10:03 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

*goes into fetal position and rocks back and forth*

7:41 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
Buck up - it's Monday and time for work (Ha Ha!!!)

11:36 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I know but you stressed me out so I had to leave at 3.

2:54 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Believe it or not I recently found myself at a Foot Care seminar (don't ask) showing exactly what damage we do to ourselves by wearing either high heels or badly fitting shoes, and it ain't pretty.

Luckily being tall (5'9"), I've always had to wear LOW or NO heels so as not to tower over other girls/feel too self-conscious, although I can't see myself submitting to the shoe torture that other females willing subject themselves to anyway. And for WHO? I mean David Tennant doesn't even live in my town...

Funnily enough I have always envied shorter folks as you stay younger for so much longer. Even at 17 I was being mistaken for a 25year old - things can only get worse! And Kylie is pretty darn stunning, as I'm sure are you Kaz, when not being stylish.

Besides which doc martens are bloody good self-defence shoes should any bast*ard be foolish enough to pick on the wrong female!

5:05 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
Slacker!
If you carry on like that - Denmark will go the same way as UK!

Laura:
It's true that shorter often gets confused with younger in people's minds.

But I never did 'cute' and the Docs just emphasise that - I hope.

7:50 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I know but I just needed an early day. I'm either depressed or lazy I don't know. There is so much to do and I haven't done a thing except eat the chocolate I bought for Christmas eve.

10:15 pm  
Blogger Malc said...

I spent the best part of 15 years in DMs - my favourites were the black boots with rainbow stitching. Can't seem to get 'em these days.

12:21 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
It's good to have flexitime.
Chocolate goes well with white wine - but then everything does.
Hope you feel better now.

Malc:
I don't think they do - but try this

7:32 am  
OpenID missbehaving said...

Oh yeah! docs in winter, Birks the rest of the year, can't beat them.

10:43 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Missbehaving:
You should write for Vogue!

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