Friday, January 30, 2009

The P Word!


I always seem to be in a hurry.

Don't think that idling just involves a bit of reclining about on the chaise longue all day.

Oh NO!

It takes effort and imagination to be a successful idler.


So, yesterday when I was trying to run up the escalator in the Arndale I said (to myself) why can't these bloody pensioners get out of my way?

OOps!

I really hate the P word.


I know I know - but I chose the URL a few days before I was one. It seemed amusing at the time.


Presumably a pensioner is someone who gets a pension. So YOUNG Dave is technically a pensioner even though he is a mere babe.


Michelle Hanson said it for me in the Guardian on Tuesday.

"What does being a pensioner mean anyway? Anyone from around 60 to 100 or more. That's people with up to 40 years between them, all lumped together and expected to look the same. No one would expect a five-year-old and a 45-year-old to wear the same frock."


So Michelle - may I suggest a new classification?

Aged 60 to 65: YIP (yippy) = Young Inexperienced Pensioner
(This includes me and Rog - though of course he's male so he doesn't actually get a pension yet.)

Aged 65 to 70: GUP (guppy) = Grown Up Pensioner.

Aged 70 to 75: SOP (soppy) = Slightly Older Pensioner

Aged 75 to 80: POP (poppy) = Practised Older Pensioner

Aged 80 to 90: VOP (voppy) = Very Old Pensioner

Aged 90 to 100: OAP

And those of you still under 50 will be a NAP (Nappy) = No Available Pension - ever.

And I do apologise to you - no really.

But you do still have your blooming youth.
Lucky you.

KAZ

Labels:

32 Comments:

Blogger I, Like The View said...

so which frock are you wearing to go with (or clash with) your docs then?!

(not that I'm particularly trendy, but I've saved all my clothes for the past ten years, which means that if I rotate what I wear thru the seven year cycle of fashion, I won't ever need to spend the pension I won't be able to claim on clothing)

how am I going to buy food tho?

8:17 am  
Blogger garfer said...

I'm saving up for a big stick and a taser so I can chastise recalcitrant youth in my old age.

8:46 am  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

...I am fixing my nappy with a safety pin... and buying a tent so I have somewhere to live in the future...
Sx

9:32 am  
Blogger zIggI said...

what comes between a nappy and a yippy?

10:28 am  
Blogger Rog said...

I hate the "P" word as well Kaz which is why I dropped it and came "out".

This post has cheered me up no end - it is much to easy (and fun of course!) to push everyone into categories.

I hope you weren't trying to run up the down escalator in the Arndale though.

11:22 am  
Blogger Geoff said...

Yes, nappy sums me up. When I think of my pension I crap myself. Might as well sit me in a high chair and feed me baby food.

My mum's a poppy though a couple of years ago she was still calling herself "middle aged". She's very practised in the art of bowls.

1:10 pm  
Blogger Liz said...

Yeah, I'm a nappy. In the 25 years since I left school, my expected retirement age has gone up twice. Given that the most recent target retirement date is more than 25 years hence, at this rate I shall be working until I'm 80.

My parents fall into the Yippy category at the moment, although The Mum will be 65 this year. She was still claiming to be middle aged at 60, which gave me the opportunity to quote that great line from Postcards From The Edge: "Really? And how many 120 year old women do you actually know?"

1:32 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Piggy is an OAP.

Still surprisingly spry, considering.

1:58 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

I always think of people in their 70's as the Never Had It So Good pensioners. Got a cheap house which has escalated in value, had easy come/easy go secure and relatively stress-free jobs for most of their lives with no worry about unemployment. A lot of them retired early and have really good company pensions, and they seem to have about five holidays a year and decorate their houses every couple of years in their endless "spare time".

Not that I'm bitter about being born at completely the wrong time. Oh no.

2:14 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

View:
A simple shift. Probably in subtle grey with thick black tights.

Garfer:
You'll have to them lots of money because they'll be able to run faster than you.

Scarlet:
I'm sure Beast will take you in.
He's a good cook too.

Ziggi:
Either a Yappy or a Nippy.
Both are at a very difficult age.

Welcome Mr. P. - oops, sorry, I mean Roger.
It's only Juvenile Pensioners who would try to run up the down escalator.
But it's excellent exercise.

Geoff:
Ah Diddums
Don't worry - Betty will take care of you :)
I'm sure your mum would rather be a Poppy than an OAP.

Liz:
I've been very lucky. When they started messing about with the retirement age it was the first time I felt lucky to be older.
I was one of the last women to qualify at 60.

I like the quote - I've been meaning to do a post about middle age for a while. What on earth does it mean?

MJ:
Do you mean Spry like this?

2:31 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Betty - you slipped in while I was struggling with MJ's link.
Don't forget that they were young in the 50's so they weren't allowed to have sex, hadn't got central heating or bananas and had to listen to Pat Boone.
Was it worth it?

2:37 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Yes, “creams so easily”… ha!!!

2:43 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

Excellent acronyms....they'll all be in common parlance by the end of next week.

Don't forget there's also a BITS(y)(blogger in their sixties)..... and presumably for those into Twitter, a TITS(y).

4:40 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

I'm an ERP (early-retired pensioner [far I am, as you say, still very young {falling, as I do, into none of the age-bands you have listed}]) which sounds unfortunately like Herpies.

5:22 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

MJ:
Now how did I know you'd say that?
I wonder if it's true.

NiC:
Well thank God I'm not into Twitter.

Dave:
Welcome back.
Did you learn to do brackets while you were away?
Where does the H in Herpies come from - or is it silent?

5:57 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

I'm sure I'm a VP - a Virtual Pensioner. I'm a hundred times more curmudgeonly that my granddad and he's only 86. Do the maths and go figure. it's true what they say: youth is wasted on the young. Bah humbug.

7:08 pm  
Blogger Pete said...

i fully intend to have a pension i'll have you know.

7:45 pm  
Blogger Gordie said...

Your classifications are too complicated. There's just women you want to shag and women you don't want to shag,

12:45 am  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

I am convinced that the coming demographic tsunami, Boomers and their parents will both be draining the coffers in a few short years...this will put an unbelievable strain on the economy. There aren't enough young workers to support this new phenomenon.

When the Kaiser dreamed up handing out government pensions at 65 it was a joke because back then everybody died around 65!

After a few years of this asshattery the Gen Xers are going to get completely fed up supporting all of us geezers and create drive thru euthanizing stations.

Grey Power!

3:56 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Steve:
This won’t do – you have to have something to look forward to.
There isn’t a show called ‘Grumpy Young Men’

Pete:
You’ll need it for all those holidays.
You already have more than a real pensioner.

Gordie:
Intellectual as ever!

Don:
Phew – dodgy scenario.
Your kids will make you suffer because you made them listen to all your old records.

1:16 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

One Erpy meets another and they become Erpies which soon leads to Herpies (especially if you come from the Sarf East, where we drop our H's as quickly as our trousers).

1:48 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Finally! I will soon be out of NAPpies!

2:58 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dave:
In Lancashire we drop H's as well - except for the one in Hotel.
Hope the infection soon clears up.

Tony:
How long?

1:46 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I envy those who get paid and don't have to go to work.

My parents turn 64 this year. Must be nice sleeping until 10 every day.

6:39 pm  
Blogger Ackworth born said...

yippee glad i'm not a guppy yet (thoiught theyt were little tropical fish that got eaten by bigger fish)

7:50 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Us Blokes.We Like Pampering............

9:07 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
"I envy those who get paid and don't have to go to work" .... yes, but I don't think you would enjoy it unless you'd earned it.

Gerald:
If my memory is correct - I think you are younger than me - so Guppiness is far in the future.

Tony:
Hmmm.
There's a place for that sort of thing across the road.
I often watch the blokes sneak in and out when I'm sitting in Wetherspoons.

12:19 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I would like to give it a trial run.

Just to be sure

4:49 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

That's called a sabbatical.

12:56 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

somehow that sounds less appealing.

2:37 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Hooray to Kaz beating a path through the jungle before I get there - more strength to your elbow gal!

10:05 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
But you could do exactly as you liked for 12 whole months.

Laura:
I somehow get the feeling that you're pretty good at beating paths yourself :0)

12:02 pm  

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