Monday, January 19, 2009

TOILET?



The first thing John Jennings ever said to me was "I'm going for a slash". I loved him passionately for the next four years. But it all ended badly ..... I met the Jaaazz fan.

If he'd been from the States he'd probably have said "I'm going to the bathroom".

During a vampire fight scene in this execrable Tarantino film which is full of filth, violence, disgusting language and horrendous images a boy asked to be directed to the rest room.

What is it with these Yanks?


'Engleby' by Sebastian Faulks has a similar theme to 'Hangover Square'. An excellent read but rather upsetting.

The main character is a working class lad who wins a scholarship to a high-flying grammar-school. His posh classmates call him ' Toilet ' when they hear him use the word which they consider far too common.

T.K. Max calls them Toilets where they provide equal opportunities for this activity.


I still "go to the bog" except when in polite company which I never am.

What about you?
KAZ

50 Comments:

Blogger SSS said...

Ooh, first!

Toilet or loo. I refuse to call it a bathroom unless there's a sodding bath in it and it's not a restroom because I'm not going for a rest, I'm going for a wee.

9:03 am  
Blogger Dave said...

In the bible, while Saul is out hunting for David, he gets caught short and goes into a cave to relieve himself (by coincidence David is in there, and while Saul is squatting there, David cuts a bit off his robe, to show he could have harmed him, but didn't).

When the Living Bible, an American translation, first came out in this country, it said that Saul 'went into the cave to use the bathroom'. I always found that image hilarious.

9:28 am  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

The signage on the red doors looks a bit violent...
I need a wee.
Sx

10:20 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

SSS:
Phew - you even beat Dave!
Exactly - perhaps they wee in the bath over there.

Dave:
Great story!
Did you use it in your sermon?
I don't think they have a word for it over there.

Scarlet:
Well they are a bit rough with their kids in Manchester

10:56 am  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

I call it a bathroom, and have done ever since returning from my sejourn as a teen in Manhattan

if pressed (not literally) it's the loo or the ladies (should that be ladies'?)

the V&A have those mixed sex loos that you see in American office sitcoms, which I find odd (not the American office sitcoms, but the mixed sex loos)

dunno why

probably because I'm an old prude at heart

11:03 am  
Blogger Gordie said...

I'm amazed that nobody knows 'U and non U' was written as a satire. Yes, the English social class that lost the Battle of the Somme looks down on people who say 'toilet' and 'serviette'. That proves you're twats, you twats.

11:03 am  
Blogger SSS said...

I say toilet and serviette. I'm dead common, me.

*spits and scratches backside*

11:47 am  
Blogger Mr Murph said...

I say "Garden" - I would dream of having an en-suite cave.

12:40 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

Is George Bush heading to the White House "bathroom" in the picture on the previous post? He won't be able to do that any longer, ha ha.

I think I will try my best to bring the term "WC" back into use.

1:01 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

Toilet, loo, bog... all good for me. Although when I'm feeling particularly poetic I "point percy at porcelain". If I'm drunk I use nextdoor's hedge and don't call it anything unless I get my shoes wet... then I swear a lot.

1:30 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

Loo usually, never toilet as I was brought up to believe that was "common" which, clearly was the biggest sin of all. Bog is also fine, probably not lavatory despite this being what I was brought up to use. But certainly never bathroom or rest-room.

It's been a while since I went to TKMax...what exactly is going on in their loos? Maybe one can jump on Yanks who are "resting" in there...certainly looks like that.


And excellent cave-bathroom tale Dave.

2:38 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

What Dave failed to mention in his story was that in the King James version it says that Saul went "to cover his feet". Obviously too inebriated to aim away from his body.
I am grateful to my friend, had he not explained it, I would have read it that David chopped off some of Saul's clothes while he was taking a crap, as a sort of practical joke. Samuel, however, does NOT explicitly say that afterwards Saul ran around with his arse hanging out yelling "which of you bastards did this?".
I hope that this helps.

3:23 pm  
Blogger tony said...

I,d love to leave you a longer comment but i had a curry last night & keep having to go and powder my nose...

3:23 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

View:
Those mixed sex loos are so wrong.
Apart from anything else I don't want male onlookers when I'm fixing my mascara.

I wonder if Americans have mixed sex bathrooms.

Gordie:
I just looked up U and non U as I'd forgotten all about it (apart from crossword clues).
So now I can't search for my glasses any more, look in the mirror or sit on the settee.

SSS:
It is said that it's the French words we use which are common.
So I think you should be scratching your derrière.

Mr Murph:
"Garden"?
Are you too lazy to go as far as the lamp post these days?
An en-suite cave is only given to Bible readers who say their prayers.

Betty:
I'll start feeling sorry for him soon - or perhaps not.
WC is a funny one.
They still use it a lot in France where the initials don't mean anything at all.

NiC:
We have a new TKMax in Manchester - so these must be the latest signs.
You could be right about the Yanks as the horizontal figure is a bit tubby.

3:34 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Vicus:
In spite of Dave's calling - your knowledge and interpretation of the scriptures is evidently much superior.
I'm sure he will feel humble and grateful.

Tony:
LOL!
I only hope you didn't have to 'spend a penny' every time

3:41 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

The loo I was in on the weekend was mixed men and women but that's so the trannies feel comfortable not having to choose.

In Canada, most folk call it the bathroom or washroom but if you go to the States you have to ask for the restroom or they don't know what you're talking about.

3:50 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

I have, in fact, covered the subject of the use of the word 'feet' in the King James Version of the Bible. I'm amazed you don't remember.

It was here, if your memory is as bad as Vicus'.

4:36 pm  
Blogger Gordie said...

Ah, it's non-U to say "mirror" is it? Vicus, had I known that "which of you bastards did this?" was a quote from the Bible, I'd have put it on my family coat of arms.

4:57 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

You have mixed sex loos? How novel.

I'm not sure I'd care for having women watching while we take care of business.

5:05 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Gordie. I said,quite deliberately, "NOT".
Dave. Sorry, I slept all the way through that sermon. I remember it well now. I dreamed of feet.

5:06 pm  
Blogger BEAST said...

What is it about From dusk till Dawn that turns girls into rabid hormonal Beasts .
Look its got Strippers(Good) , its got a bar called the Titty Twister(even Better) , loads of stripping Vampires (Hand over the frigging oscar) and culminates in heaps of fighting and blood and guts(Beast just died and went to heaven)

But NO lets go and watch some boring old knackers about lurve with a simpering Gwyneth Paltrow
***stakes Gwyneth thru the heart***

5:31 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

I thought David lopped off a bit of Saul's cloak because he'd run out of loo paper.

5:44 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

MJ:
Now that's what I call Equal Opportunities.
Washroom is a new one - if you asked for that in Manchester they'd send you to the laundrette.

Dave:
That post was way before I started blogging - I was even working for a living.
I read every word - fascinating.
It gives a whole new slant on foot fetishism.

Gordie:
And fireplace.
So - when I were a kid we had a looking glass over the chimneypiece in the drawing room.

Pete:
It's just another cost cutting exercise - in spite of the fun they used to have on Ally McBeal.

Vicus:
I'll leave you to talk amongst your selves.

Beast:
I repeat 'execrable'.
I was lured in by the promise of George Clooney.
And what was a nice girl like Salma Hayek doing in there?
I hear Gwynneth was longing for the part.

Ziggi:
So glad you didn't say 'toilet tissue'.
But I think it was Saul who was in need.

5:49 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

STEVE - Shouts loudly!!
I meant to point out that your next door neighbour reads my blog.
But I don't think he'll say anything - he's only a lurker.

5:52 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

What was Dave doing in there as well then eh eh?

Good Luck tonight!

6:18 pm  
Blogger Gordie said...

Kaz and George Clooney in a unisex litter tray.

6:30 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

Aw... for a minute there I thought you'd overlooked me (you, Kaz, not my neighbour)...

6:55 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

Khazi is acceptable, but I much prefer the French pissoir.

It rolls off the tongue delightfully.

7:18 pm  
Blogger Mr Murph said...

This comment box is full of Kahzi Intellectuals.

7:33 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

The word "loo" makes me feel icky as did our friend when she said she was going for a "weasel".

Going for a Jimmy Riddle is acceptable and any rhyming slang for slash (Arthur Ashe or Leslie Ash come to mind - you can say you're going for an Arthur but be careful not to say you're going for a J Arthur).

I also hate the pointing Percy at the porcelain bollocks.

8:19 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ziggi:
Dave?
Searching for the truth.
Thanks - it's looking bad - I've had to escape.

Gordie:
Hmm - perhaps I'll pass on that.

Steve:
Strictly speaking your neighbour does overlook you - but I won't.

Garfer:
Pissoir and piste - these continentals have a way with words....specially for the amusement of kids on school trips.

Murph:
You obviously mean 'Beast' who appreciates 'From Dusk till Dawn'. I bet Dave and Vicus love it as well but are too shy to admit it.

Geoff:
Do you still use rhyming slang?
I used to love watching Arthur - playing tennis that is not gong banging.

9:42 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

Yay Yay Yay! you'll wop them on Sunday - a bloomin Oz though Kaz, You'll never hear the end of it from Murph!

10:01 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ziggi:
Yay Yay Yay.
I'd love to have seen the look on Gerard's face when our lovely Oz scored.

10:15 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

George is lovely...

Gwenyth has done nothing interesting except that one with
Candice Bergen - View from the top. That was a funny one and Gwenyth trying to be funny is very postmodern.

7:50 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

To stay with the loo talk, Shakespear in Love was a stinker

7:52 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
I can't think of any film starring Gwynnie that I have enjoyed.
I prefer the more hot blooded types.

8:23 pm  
Blogger Liz said...

I heard a delightful euphemism for, er, going to the bog, having a wee while on holiday last year. I overhead a gentleman in the Castle Museum in York tell his companions that he was "just going to turn the bike around before we go".

1:46 pm  
Blogger Ackworth born said...

I always say that I'm off to or been to the "loo" but if seeking such places I'd always ask "can you tell me where the toilets are please" or if I've already found a ladies would ask for the location of the "gents"

In certain company I might use expressions like "seeing a man about a dog" "taking my wooden leg for walk" or if with my wife "just going you-know-where"

4:26 pm  
Blogger Ponita said...

Usually, I just say I gotta go pee....

But if I have to be polite, then it is the washroom. I do actually wash in there... my hands... after I am done... so it is a correct name.

I only use bathroom if it really is one - with a tub or shower in it, so not in a public place, just at home.

6:26 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

She is icy. I used to think the same about Nicole Kidman but she defrosted when she got rid of scary scientology man

6:46 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hello again Liz:
That's one I haven't heard - can't imagine where it comes from either.
Research required.

Gerald:
Well no one could argue with 'Gents' as long as you can recognise the picture on the door.

Ponita:
Washroom seems to be emerging as the Canadian term of choice.

Pete:
I liked Nicole in Moulin Rouge. But her face has turned into plastic now.

8:45 am  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

Ha! what a topic Kaz... I tell Jane that 'I'm just nipping to the reading room'.... only place in our house where I can get peace and quiet at times... My dad used to say he was 'Going to see a man about a dog' and my mother... it was alway the toilet. Jane of course never goes.. she thinks she's the queen.. :O)
I've started blogging again so expect to see me popping in more often again ..

12:40 pm  
Blogger BEAST said...

Free the Brown Trout
There's one for you

1:01 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Wom:
The reading room is where my dad used to go.
He would finish 'War & Peace' in one visit.
Good news about the blog - I'll put you back on the links.

Beast:
Hmm ...
That's got me strangely interested.

9:42 pm  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

Canadians cringe when they hear Merkins say Terlet like Archie Bunker.

I absolutely L O V E D the unisex loos when I was visiting rellies in Europe. After several glasses of liquid personality I basically set up shop in there entertaining the young ladies with stories about the rugged Canadian Wilderness. I could not believe that many kept the door open with one leg so that they could continue talking.

Damn this detestable Victorian prudery that our Colonial overlords imported.

2:23 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

It's the 'Ladies' for me every time Kaz.

Male friends are always impressed by my grace and sometimes inspired to be a bit more conversationally graceful themselves.

I think we Brits should carry on our old tradition of good manners.

9:30 am  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Love the pointing lady sign by the way.

9:31 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

HE:
I don't think we get Archie.
We girls are usually experts at keeping the door shut with one leg - but I suppose - for you - we'd make an exception.

Laura:
'Ladies' is OK by me.

I saw the sign at Manchester Airport -the area near the buses.

9:12 pm  
OpenID missbehaving said...

Well I used to say,
'the loo', or 'I have to pee',
in Japan we say, 'may I wash my hands'.
However the cold weather, age, and not doing my post- natal keigels, it's more often
' I have to change my knickers'.

11:46 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

missbehaving:
Here we sit in embarrassment in front of TV whilst they advertise 'Tena Lady'

5:21 pm  

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