Friday, January 23, 2009

Withnail & Drugs.

I suppose you heard that the cottage which belonged to Withnail's Uncle Monty (a.k.a. Hector in The History Boys) is for sale. It's near Shap in Cumbria - an area I know well. Not the cottage - probably because it 's 2 miles from the nearest road.

It 's under the hammer at the Berkeley Hotel in Knightsbridge, London, on 16 February, with a guide price of £145,000.

When I think of Withnail I always remember his attempt to beat the breathalyser after his drunken drive along the motorway to the fabulous sound of Voodoo Chile.

Sadly, he didn't have the internet where you'll find lots of sites hoping to sell you synthetic urine. You can have male or female - they get the hormones right for you.

The methods for of delivering it to the bottle are provided - including five inch ultra realistic prosthetic penis (available in 3 skin tones) heat pads to maintain correct temperature and 3 foot tubing with dispenser.

Users can fall foul of the law. A Swedish doctor says "Ever since I became aware of this false penis cheating method, I check their underpants to ensure there is only one penis". Hmmmm.

What a shame that (allegedly)cocaine using England prop forward Matt Stevens hadn't read this before he took his test..

I couldn't find Withnail's police station scene so here they are demanding cake and fine wines in the tea shop.

Richard E Grant is teetotal which makes his performance even more wonderful.




Blogger Mr Murph said...

Sorry to start you off in a negative vibe Kaz, but Richard E. Grant IS a prosthetic penis I'm afraid.

8:06 am  
Blogger Dave said...

Whoever thought that five inches was ultra realistic?

8:16 am  
Anonymous NiC said...

The internet never fails to amaze?

I'm disappointed that no-one has yet made any "taking the piss" jokes but sadly I can't think of one.

I saw Grant on the tube once, he was very tall and tanned.... not one of those actors who shuffle with head bowed in public.

That seems quite cheap for a farmhouse, even in dilapidated state. A shame it's not some warmer (Bay of Islands, NZ?) as then I might be tempted.

8:27 am  
Anonymous NiC said...

Hmm seem to have missed out rather a lot of words above.....

8:28 am  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

the world really offers one some very bizarre options sometimes. . .

I've never seen W&I

9:04 am  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

I just like to check underpants.

9:31 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Mr Murph:
Maybe - especially in that awful film 'How to Get Ahead in Advertising'. Or was it a post modernist classic?
I got the DVD free with something and now use it as a beer mat.

Too long or too short?

The locals in Cumbria always say 'Did you come o'er t'Shap?'.
It's pretty wild and wet and certainly not warm.

I hardly get anything right forst time and your site has no preview.
... first - see what I mean.

Give it a try - it's a real period piece now.

A gal needs a hobby.
I'll let you know if the Swedish doc needs an assistant.

9:56 am  
Blogger Dave said...

I assumed that was the XXXL size model.

10:12 am  
Blogger Betty said...

I don't care if Richard E. Grant is a prosthetic penis, I definitely would, with bells on.

"very tall and tanned" ...


1:06 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

Withnail & I and How To Get Ahead In Advertising were both Bruce Robinson films. I used to hate them both but Betty's love for Richard E made me love Withnail, too. Maybe I ought to watch the other one again.

1:34 pm  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

That device would require a few alterations to get passed Canadian Customs Officers..being a Bilingual nation in every Province except Quebec, there would need to be a special edition for entry into that market.

The faux wenis would have to be modified to more accurately reflect les wangers de la population generale so a conversion to centimetres would make it about 2 1/2 inches in length and any extract would need to contain unimaginably high levels of nicotine, bacon, and maple syrup.

HA! Don't worry, the Franchez Canadiens are extremely good sports and they know how I lurve to kid.
yeah bebe.

2:58 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

Any prospective purchaser must be able to quote word perfect Hamlet while swigging from a bottle of red wine in the pouring rain.

Unfortunately it'll probably be bought by a nob like Chris Evans or suchlike.

I fear that I am drifting into the arena of the unwell.

2:59 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

As you may have gathered - I have lead a very sheltered life.
So (to use one of your own favourite phrases) I couldn't possibly comment.

You & Geoff will be fascinated to know that I saw Richard Fleeshman yesterday just round the corner from our flats.
He is tall and orange!

I love Withnail much more now that I did then.
I just didn't get the talking pimple in the other one.

So it's true about Le syrop Maple. - I thought it was only for export. I'm sure the synthetic solution could be developed with a few Gauloises and cochons.

Oh do you think he (I can't write Chris Evans he just annoys me too much) uses cocaine?
Great line.

4:01 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Donn forgot to mention poutine.

4:52 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

It matter not what car I'm in or who's driving (instructors included) but whenever I pass pedestrians I even now have a strong urge to shout "scrubbers!" as we roar past... "the sky's beginning to bruise... we shall be forced to camp" speech is still my favourite though.

7:28 pm  
Blogger Liz said...

Regarding Richard E Grant being a non-drinker, according to his film diary "With Nails" he has some sort of intollerance to alcohol but did try very hard to get himself drunk in preparation for playing the part of Withnail. There is a wonderful line in the book where his wife, who clearly fails to see the need for this 'research' asks him "Why don't you try acting, you wanker?"

7:42 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I think you made it up. No one could really eat that stuff.

I'm sure you and Garfer could act out the whole film from memory. You could buy the cottage, do it up and hold Withnail evenings.

Ha - she sounds like a woman I could get on with.
I have an alcohol intolerance - it makes me drunk.

8:54 am  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

One of those films everyone raved about but I can scarcely remember I'm afraid Kaz!

But hey, you've had a bit too much wine and are racing north to the set house auction so you need this kit, am I right?

9:32 am  
Blogger tony said...

I Remember being driven through Shap by my Dad & Mum in the early 60s.We were always going between Yorkshire & Scotland to visit Family.
It was in the days before Motorways.Shap was the main route then i believe.....
My Dad was always in a rush & never wanting to Stop.If I needed a piss i remember empty milk bottles being passed to me in the back seat................
A Few prosthetic-thingies would have come in handy then!

12:16 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I'm a little concerned that the kit isn't unisex?
What happened to equal ops?

Me too in the late sixties. My father in law would always say " We'll go o'er Shap" whatever the weather.
I feared for my life - in fact I think many were lost over Shap Fell.

9:06 pm  
Blogger Marcheline said...

Mr. Murph is a non-prosthetic penis. Richard E. Grant RULES.

If you're still alive (this post was four years ago, so...) and if you're still into Withnail, come by my blog and poke around. There's lots of Withnalia about.


11:29 pm  

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