Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Cohabitation


Kev and I are not married.

This site
is spreading malicious rumours to the contrary.

Neither do we cohabit - except on holiday (I know I know).

After 8 years of sharing a house in the late 80s and early 90s we split in anger. Then we made up. The new arrangement worked very well.

Some of my friends have unconventional lifestyles.
Friend C (posh and skint) lives with her ex boyfriend. He took her back as an economic expedient. She has other partners for sex - he can’t be bothered.

Friend A and Ron (married last year) share sex, a posh apartment and glittering chandeliers - but not a bedroom.

So what are the advantages of having your own front door? Well there’s the obvious ones like control of the remote, the drink and the duvet.

I have no wish to share my space with 4 guitars, 3 bikes and too many sweaty socks. Even a talented guitarist (Kev?) doesn’t sound great when practising the same riff over and over at midnight.


But it’s the subtleties that seem to be important.
It’s quite tiring always having to worry about offending or ignoring your partner or being offended or ignored by him.

Is it alright if I just....?
Will you be OK if I just …?
I’m just going to the …… back about …
I’m meeting friend B later - won’t be late.
Well yes - we’ll watch Dave all night if you really want to.


Sometimes you just want to check your blog, stare at the wall or sit for 3 hours in front of a film that a simple bloke would not appreciate.

But there have been recent changes to the living arrangements - NO don’t be daft - we aren’t going to cohabit.

KAZ

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45 Comments:

Blogger tom909 said...

What a blatent hook at the end there. But apart from that you got me thinking.
I have always, always lived with a female partner, apart from a short spell when I got kicked out and I was a bit shaken up for a while. At times I've thought about all those things you mention, but on balance I just enjoy having my wife around the place, and the price I pay is I have to take a bit of care of her and I don't shag around.
I know, how do I manage!

9:16 am  
Blogger Rog said...

Oh No! You AREN'T those charming estate agents then?!

I bet one of you (probably Kev) has acquired a blinking cat. At least we can all start dusting off our Mrs Slocombe jokes.

9:44 am  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

so you can't give me a discount on the commission when you sell me one of those beachfront properties. . .

9:49 am  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Don't let Tom move in.

9:50 am  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

I watch Dave all night sometimes... well somebody has to, otherwise he'd be up digging his trenches late into the night.
Sx

10:18 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Tom:
Confuscious say 'Man who want to shag around will do it whatever'.
Yes - Being 'taken a bit of care of' is essential.

Rog:
Is a blinking cat similar to a nodding dog?

View:
'fraid not.
Kev neither.

Vicus:
It's OK - there just wouldn't be room for the horses.

Scarlet:
So it's you we have to thank for all those early morning posts.

11:31 am  
Blogger MJ said...

A simple bloke would not appreciate my PMT!

11:39 am  
Blogger Steve said...

I must admit, my wife, Karen, is the only partner I have ever lived with. Thankfully we're quite alike in most things - certainly in our choice of TV and music and food. But she is more sociable than I am and often invites friends round when I would much rather just lie and slob around the house and not be entertaining or entertained. At times like these a spare room - or even a shed - is a must. Space is the key, An inner sanctum. My place if the office. It is full of my stuff and I can close the door for a few hours and catch up with myself. That office keeps our relationship healthy. There is nothing worse than living in someone else's pockets 7 days a week.

11:45 am  
Blogger Dave said...

I was going to say that watching me all night isn't that entertaining - but now I see that s-b does just that.

*Looks for hidden camera*

12:04 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

We could have had separate properties but they would have been 160 miles apart.

I think Betty was a bit pissed off I was at home because of the weather on Monday.

Some space and time by ourselves during the day is necessary (at weekends this involves me sleeping 'til 10.30). Our spare room is full of stuff so it's not really spare. I like to be alone at breakfast time but we share all the evening telly. Then again I'm more interested in Dev than Dave.

1:32 pm  
Blogger Liz said...

I've tried living with blokes twice and while I wouldn't discount the possibility of doing so again, I do prefer living alone. I've spent more time living alone than I have cohabiting and the prospect of giving that up scares me.

It's nice having some male company but I just don't like sharing my living space. I suspect this may become an issue at some point with my current beau, who seems quite keen on living happily ever after.

1:35 pm  
Blogger Mopsa said...

Kaz - you have perfected the art of the cliffhanger. And now I have to go and feed the sheep.

2:42 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

MJ:
I get PMT -
Post menstrual tension.

Steve:
Sounds fine Steve - but has Karen got an inner sanctum as well?

Dave:
So Scarlet's watching you watching reruns of Jeremy Clarkson.

Geoff:
Yes - it's that 'time to yourself' that's so important.
I'm the one that likes a lot of time to myself - but I'm also the one that used to get sulky if Kev disappeared for too long.

Kev doesn't do Dev.

Liz:
Well - you do sound very happy these days.
I've spent most of my life cohabiting and it wasnt all bad.
I'm getting very eccentric these days - be warned.

Mopsa:
Be careful near the cliffs.

3:50 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

Karen has every other room in the house when I'm not in it. Does that count?

3:56 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Geoff: I think Betty was a bit pissed off I was at home because of the weather on Monday.

I could sense the tension in her latest post.

Frankly, I was afraid to comment!

4:46 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

I resent having to make two cups of tea when I only want to make one.

So no-one seems to have asked, what's the change?

5:30 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Steve:
NO!!
Absolutely NOT.
Did I make that clear?
If you have a 'den' then Karen has a 'den'.
Or - if space is limited - you could share the den - 'his and her 'sides.

MJ:
D'ya think they had a snowball fight?

Ziggi:
Do you use one bag or two?
I shall write about the change when I've got used to it.

5:42 pm  
Blogger SSS said...

I've never cohabited with anyone. I'm either too selfish or too cautious. A little from column A and a little from column B, I think.

The ideal would be two semi detached houses with an door in the middle. If you're up for it you can unlock the door, if you're not you can slide the bolt across.

6:51 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

Believe it or not Karen (and I have consulted her on this - as I do in all things, let's make that clear) would like "a shed". As soon as we get some spare cash I shall buy her one of the best. In the meantime she's very welcome to the girlie side of the office.

7:17 pm  
Blogger tony said...

I Live in The Dog- House a lot!

8:49 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Oh Kaz, to have the choice like that!

It's over 10 years since I last lived with anyone and I'm pretty sure that's not by choice but because *they're* the scaredy-cats!

Not very environmentally-friendly all these separate households eh? Or even very friendly!

10:03 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

You are almost permanently on holiday. Ergo you cohabit.

I gave up cohabiting years ago. Shacking up is vastly overrated.

10:20 pm  
Blogger Ponita said...

I would definitely cohabitate with the right man, given the choice.... but only if he gave me space and didn't always holler down the hallway, 'what are you doing?' like the last one.... that is too f*cking annoying. Just come and look, if you really want to know.

There are a lot of positives to sharing space, but it has to be with the right person, you both have to be willing to compromise at times, and both have to be willing to do a fair share of the work... all the work... both household and emotional.

I tire of living alone but will not shack up just to not be alone... that would be absurd.

4:12 am  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

Experience, Integrity & Commitment,
that's what it takes to make a marriage or a real estate partnership work.

If you don't have all three at the same time..like 24/7, then you shouldn't get married or cohabitate or date or even look at other people.

Just get back into your capsule of jello and be a human battery for the Matrix.

6:19 am  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

pffft!

6:28 am  
Blogger nwtrunner said...

Kaz

I've recently had my wife/ex come back home for the second time, but this time under pretty extreme circumstances (medical).

It's interesting how we change through the iterations - we've been together now for 18 years in various incarnations.

Even when we were separated (2x) - we remained good friends.

Not sure what the message is there.

Not sure of much anymore...

7:16 am  
Blogger zIggI said...

Well Done Everton!

7:47 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Steve:
Terrific - a girl's shed - excellent role reversal.

Tony:
I'm not surprised - I read your blog as you know.

Laura:
Talking of 'environmentally friendly' - when Kev and I worked in the same place we used to travel in separate cars.
Comments were made - especially as I ran the Greenpeace group.

Garfer:
If you scrutinise the data, you will conclude that your comment is soooo not true.
I haven't been on holiday once this year.

Ponita:
"You both have to be willing to compromise at times". That's exactly it isn't it. There's a fine line between compromise and giving in.
Good point about the 'emotional' work. A pity men don't read Cosmopolitan.
You seem to have the right attitude - be happy!

HE:
Well thank God I'm a flawed human being - now living with you would be some challenge - I bet!

nwtr:
"Not sure of much anymore..."
As soon as you start being sure - it's the beginning of the end.
Your on off partnership sounds fascinating.
Unfortunately mine was also on and off - but often fiery and seldom friendly.

Ziggi:
Yeaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were on the edge of the sofa throughout and I swore I'd never watch footie again if it went to penalties.
What a terrific ending - We celebrated a bit too much!

9:25 am  
Blogger Ponita said...

I couldn't live with the likes of Donn for long.... his germophobia would drive me crazy... I totally abide by the five second rule...

I used to give in.... I don't anymore, as I have learned the art of compromise. Just wish everyone else in the universe knew it too.

6:29 pm  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

I read COSMO and I am easy like Sunday Morning.
My second marriage is working because my wife had me fixed so that I won't leave the porch and chase "cats".

7:18 pm  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

PONITA..now come on...you wouldn't want to live in a spotless house and have everything smelling of either javex, formaldehyde or Pine-sol?

7:20 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ponita:
You sound very expert at this compromise thing. I don't think I know how to negotiate properly.
I don't suppose sulking will do will it?

Donn:
Ah - second marriage -
'There are those who'd bet
Love comes but once - and yet
Im oh so glad we met
The second time around'


Does Ponita know something I don't.
Actually I adore the smell of Dettol.

9:10 pm  
Blogger Ponita said...

Donn, I live in a house with a 100 lb drooling dog and an old cat that leave hairballs everywhere... both the fresh kind and the regurgitated kind....

You would probably drop dead if you walked in the door. I do clean the house... I am just not at all anal about it.... there's no point. ;-)

Kaz: Sulking has never been my forte, but if it works for you... go for it! Well, at least, once in a while.

2:48 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Sounds like your arrangement works for you. I couldn't imagine living with someone and not have my own room where I can be alone, with my tv, pc or a book.

3:38 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ponita:
Good for you.

I don't really approve of sulking and it never 'works'.
However I'm neither a good negotiator nor capitulator - so I just go quiet for a bit.
But I can't keep it up - I always make up or shout at the end of it.

Pete:
Exactly - I suppose I must be territorial.
If the 'other' is around I can't just switch off.

6:03 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

As I'm not domesticated, the thought now of having a live-in lover is my idea of a nightmare. Mind you, I'm about to move - so who knows?

And quite frankly at this rate, I'm going to be the mad old woman with cats...oops...I think I'm already half way there.

I bet you've moved to Spain! You have haven't you?

6:54 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

"there have been recent changes to the living arrangements" ...

Yeah, like you, I've got a lodger in who coincidentally is a 20 year old male model. Variety is the spice of life after all.

7:47 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Roses:
Perhaps you could find a lover with a team of servants. They could feed the cats as well.
No - Kev would but I wouldn't.
See what I mean.

Betty:
Hmm - I wonder how he pays his rent.
Unfortunately I can't think of male models without imagining Vernon Kay.

1:02 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

I'm upstairs blogging and writing and he thinks I'm at the shops. It works out well.

1:56 pm  
Blogger Z said...

I've never lived alone, actually, which sounds a bit wimpish. However, the Sage and I have got room to get away from each other. We both like our own space.

I've just discovered that Bloglines hasn't been updating your posts for the last 3 weeks. Heaven knows what you've been up to.

7:27 pm  
Blogger Life With Dogs said...

I used to share your sentiment, but that was many years ago. And that does not indicate long term loss of sanity, just for the record.

It's just that she's amazing.

6:37 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Nora:
I just hope you've got summat for t'tea.

Z:
Liking your own space is great as long as you both want it at the same time and in the same amounts.
Kev's 'own space' used to be the local pub.

Bloglines decided it didn't like me any more - I still don't know why. I pressed that orange thing on the right of the address bar and I came back.

LwD:
Wow - lucky you.
er .... you aren't referring to a canine cohabitee are you?

10:42 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I am impossible to live with or so I'm told. It would make things easier having my own room. As long as we have a shared bed...

7:11 am  
Blogger Roses said...

Thanks for your advice, I'll start looking for the rich bloke who'll pay to keep me in cats.

*thinks*

Nah...

7:46 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
No problem - as long as you can live with yourself.
You can share a bed without cohabiting - best of both worlds.

Roses:
Stick with the cat.

9:14 am  

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