Sunday, February 15, 2009

Fashion Victims

While driving to Tameside yesterday morning (yes I do have an exciting life don't I?) … I found myself asking:

WHY ….. girls with vast bottoms wear skin tight jeans? girls with fat legs choose mini skirts? shortarsed girls walk in completely flat pumps (or are they plimsolls) when their tall mates wear killer heels? massively bosomed girls wear huge smocks which make them look like a tent with two boy scouts fighting inside? girls with bulging middles wear skimpy tops and low slung bottoms?

I suppose it's about the human spirit.

It's the same reason we eat too much chocolate cake when we know we'll get fat or have another pint when we know we'll feel suicidal in the morning.

We straighten our curly hair and perm our straight hair.

We scratch those mosquito bites knowing it'll make them worse.

We say yes when we should say no.

In other words we don't know how to be satisfied.

And that's good … isn't it ?




Blogger Steve said...

...and best of all I quite happily spend money that I patently haven't got.

Gordon Brown should give me a medal.

11:59 am  
Blogger Dave said...

Is that you in the last photo?

12:19 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All our blonde hair is entirely natural, of course.

12:40 pm  
Blogger tony said...

"We Live In The Gap Between Who We Are And Who We Want To Be......." [Old Polish/Hebden Bridge Saying]

12:55 pm  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

(that's not why The Gap is called The Gap, is it)

you ask "why?" because "we can"? possibly. . .

. . .that's no excuse tho, is it, really

ps on Trinny and Suzannah: yeas ago now, I once took the advice they'd given to a woman of the same shape and size I was at the time, spent a small fortune on the outfit they'd recommended - when I wore it the next day, about five people commented on "how much weight I'd lost"


(of course now I'd quite like the small fortune to spend on fags and coffee, but that's life isn't it)

3:48 pm  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

It is indeed a perplexing conundrum... and yes I wear converse...

4:33 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

You can't take it with you - the overdraft that is!
At least it won't make you fat.

No - I never expose flesh above the knee.
Oh - unless you mean the black and white photo - in that case 'no comment'.

Hello Jane:
Of course .... and the grey highlights as well.

Yes - but I prefer River Island these days. We aren't very philosophical in Fallowfield.

...because "we can".
Possibly - but then again "we can" eat broccoli can't we?

Yes - T&S once advised me how to make my legs look longer and it worked.

You are such a brave petite person.
Converse are the flattest of shoes. But I love them.

5:12 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

I had a home perm once. I was no Kevin Keegan.

5:13 pm  
Blogger Ani said...

Well I just spit wine all over the keyboard! Oh yes, quite the funni observations, I have oft thought why people wear what they do - to be trendy at ALL COST?! Or they just don't give a crap?! It doesn't take much to look chic unless of course you start out as an ogre in the first place... hmmmm. Love your blog. Best, Ani

6:46 pm  
Blogger Rog said...

A fascinating entreaty on the essential dichotomy of the human condition.

8:20 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Personally I like a well-upholstered bottom and find myself fixated when behind one. In fact I find flat bottoms or non-existent bottome far less attractive and in need of disguise. But yes I agree that people with odd figures should be careful about what they wear, particularly when vastly overweight but not all over, so that they have massive middles with little chicken drumstick legs, worse still, clothed in leggings to empahsise the disparity even more. At least tent dresses disguise a multitude of sins.

8:45 pm  
Blogger Rog said...

PS I'd be grateful if no further jpegs of Chris Evans appear on this blog. That top one is hideous.

9:40 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Thank God for that.
You should stick with the mullet - it will cover the tattoo on your neck.

I think people wear what they do because they look in the magazines instead of the mirror!

Karl - oops sorry Rog:
I watched 'Being Human' last night - that marvellous sitcom about a werewolf, a vampire and a ghost.
Now those three know all about dichotomy.

A large bottom fascinates me as well.
The trouble with tents and big bosoms is that the tent hides all your curves and just makes you look big.
Not that I speak personally - I'm still searching for a curve.

…… and that was taken from his best side.

9:59 am  
Blogger garfer said...

There should be a law against fat birds wobbling about in skin tight Lycra leggings.

It's enough to put me off my lunch.

12:47 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

I think there should be a law against Garfer parading about in a superhero costume.

2:54 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

I think that Tony has got a point. Mind you, so has MJ.

People are always trying to overcompensate for something ... "I know I've got a huge arse, but I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO GET INTO THESE JEANS, WHICH MUST MEAN THEY LOOK GOOD ON ME!"

Overcompensation can sometimes work in your favour. I mean, look at David Hemery - he became and athlete despite being an asthma sufferer, then ended up winning a gold medal at the Olympics. Not the best example I can think of. Perhaps he wore short skinny trousers which looked ridiculous on his long, skinny legs as well ...

... sorry. I am going on a bit.

3:39 pm  
Blogger Rol said...

It may be good for the individuals concerned... but not as much for the rest of us who have to look at them.

4:16 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

As a feminist I deplore what you say.
However, as it also puts me off my lunch, I shall make an exception.
But you must substitute the word ‘women’ for birds!

Especially that ‘Wonder Woman’ outfit he insists on wearing.

I’m sure you’ll agree that Mark Spitz didn’t have any imperfection for which he needed to compensate.
He’d even look good in a smock.

To make amends for this unkind post – I must seek out a tubby leggings wearer tomorrow and tell her (or him) that she (or he) looks great.
(N.B.Equal ops for leggings).

6:02 pm  
Blogger Donn Coppens said...

Why? Because Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!

Hopefully the current frontal flabalanche and rearview plumber butt trend is on it's last legs. ((ACK!))

7:22 pm  
Blogger Roses said...


I'm a short-arse and I wear flat shoes because they're comfy and I opt for comfy over style any day.

Which of course you'd never guess looking at my wardrobe (jeans, trousers, soft knits and lots of jersey). T & S would need a couple of pints of vodka before working on me.

Ps. Scarves are really good for hiding the results of too much olives, pizza and wine; especially if you wear low v-necks.

7:50 pm  
Blogger Life With Dogs said...

You've left me with a Sir Mix-a-Lot song stuck in my head.

5:48 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Tameside? Too many jokes. Joke overload!

I think Donnn got it right. I still don't get the flats though. They are ugly and that should be enough reason not to wear them let alone them not doing anything for height or posture.

Britters boots are lovely

6:49 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Like the pun.
Maybe - but I think the flab may return in summer.

I'm sure you look great and could teach Trinny a thing or two.

Is that good?
I'm wondering which one.
Is Sir Mix - a Lot any relation to Winalot dog biscuits.

'Height and posture' maybe - but what about feet?
Those boots are hideous

8:46 am  
Blogger Life With Dogs said...

Is there really any other Sir Mix-a-Lot song that counts?


3:09 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ah now I get it. It's the big butt reference.
Thanks for the education. I could only remember 'Fat Bottomed Girls' by Queen!

4:04 pm  

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