Friday, March 06, 2009

Saving the last of the Vitapointe.

One of Dave’s Wednesday poems:

Come, fill the cup, and in the fire of spring

Your winter garment of repentance fling.

The bird of time has but a little way

To flutter -
and the bird is on the wing

.
…. And she is - or was - on Tuesday.

It must be my royal blood.


At the airport (ed - not the bloody airport again!) there was the usual chaos in security. Everyone was cramming gels, glosses and perfume into little plastic bags.

This is the famous Renée Zellererwegererer.

I was carrying only one such item in my rucksack. It was the very last of the famous free Vitapointe - half used. But there’s a new system. You now have to get your bags from a vending machine. Two insignificant bags in a plastic bubble will cost you £1 - yes that’s one pound sterling.

That was more than the cost of the Vitapointe left in the tube.

(Older readers may recall the case of the ejaculating Vitapointe and the compensatory voucher.)

I had an old plastic bag so I put the tube in it and knotted the top.
NO WAY said the inscrutable customs man - the bag has to be 'resealable'. ‘But it is 'resealable’' I replied in a nice person sort of way and demonstrated patiently how the knot could be undone and retied.



He was not impressed.

I was told to either go back and pay £1 for a 'resealable' bag or DUMP the Vitapointe. OK ‘DUMP it’ I said - but still in the style of a pleasant person as I’ve heard about what happens to people who joke with customs.

Then (still inscrutably) he put it back in my tray and it went through!

Good thing too - or I’d be having problems now.

KAZ

Labels:

28 Comments:

Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

What is Vitapointe? What is the point of the "e" at the end?
Don't answer either of those questions if you feel that I would be better not knowing.

7:18 am  
Blogger Rog said...

Thank goodness you and Sir Fred are keeping the luxury travel industry going Kaz.

Come, fill the tray, with half used Vitapointe
Your winter garment of repentance and joint
The customs man of time can't see the point
To flutter - and with Sauvignon Blanc Anoint.

7:31 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Vicus:
I’m so glad you asked that question as your picture suggests that you can benefit from my answer. Vitapointe is a hair product for dry flyaway unmanageable hair.
The e is because it is French - allegedly.

Rog:

Fred is the c**t of the year
His name is not fit for a mention.
It’s not fair to talk of him here
Just ‘cos we both get a pension.

7:56 am  
Blogger Dave said...

No point me using a product for flyaway hair. Mine flew away without me some years ago.

8:10 am  
Blogger garfer said...

A rucksack? I trust it was a Hermes rucksack, we don't want people mistaking you for a bag lady.

8:36 am  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Why would I want dry flyaway unmanageable hair? You girls, honestly.

9:14 am  
Blogger BEAST said...

Dont waste money on that french gunge Miss Kaz a good dollop of lard or better still beef dripping will soon sort out your unruly mane

9:31 am  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

in my youth, on the way to a French exchange visit, my brother (at the time 16) and I (13) were about to board a cross channel ferry and he told the immigration/customs/security guys that we were running away from home. . .

. . .needless to say we had to run all the way back to the car park to find our parents (who thankfully hadn't quite left) to get them to speak to the officials - it's funny now, but wasn't at the time

whatever's going on with your hair, I hope where you've flown to is warm and sunny

9:36 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dave:
But what about the hair on your chin?
I’m sure that could benefit from the Vitapointe treatment

Garfer:
Well I’ve never been called a Lady - thank goodness.
It’s a CONVERSE.
Hope that’s acceptable.

Vicus:
Delete ‘for’ from my comment insert ‘against’.
I must try harder Mis’ - as I used to say to my English teacher.

Beast:
Yeah
And all those lovely pie eaters would fall in love with me.
Thanks for the tip.

View:
Customs officers sometimes had a sense of humour in those days.
Sunny but windy - it is March.

9:58 am  
Blogger SSS said...

I had to Google Vitapointe and now I want some. Only it's not available in Australia.

Curses.

10:00 am  
Anonymous NiC said...

I remember trying very hard as a young punk to get my hair to stand up like yon above songstress (in the days before the shelves were stacked with products to help one get such a look).....do they make an anti-Vitapointe?

I heard about this new buy a bag scheme on the radio....apparently it's becuase that with the old free bag scheme some people took loads of bags for general use and then just dropped some on the floor. Apparently it was costing an awful lot to pick them up. Or something.

AND, the famous Renée Zellererwegererer doesn't seem to have sealed her resealable bag.

11:52 am  
Blogger Arabella said...

Now Kaz, be reasonable. Security guards only insist on the re-sealable bag so they can poke around in your cosmetics, spot a fashion-forward colour for Spring, test it on the jawline for skin-tone compatibility, then put it back with the top not screwed on.

12:14 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

First you big up Manchester. Now you say you're leaving it again.

You must be really sick of Ronaldo's face.

1:25 pm  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

But did you get frisked?
Sx

1:26 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

I say we pin Vicus down and shave his head.

1:42 pm  
Blogger Indra said...

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you have a good blog .. one-time visit my blog

1:43 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Hah! I adore Renee! I love her now that i've seen her put her stinky trainers in a tray like everyone else.

Why must the bag be resealable? And what's the point of the bag in the first place?

3:39 pm  
Blogger Donn Coppens said...

Damn little people and their power trips!

A Canadian chap was asked by an American Border Agent to open the trunk of his car. The Canuck, as we are apt to do, politely added say please

He was immediately pepper-sprayed in the face and jumped by 5 other Border Guards who cuffed him and detained him for 3 f*cking hours.

How rude!

4:07 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

Kaz, as you have already proven, any bag can be deemed resealable when one has a stapler, velcro, Uhu or just an aptitude for sailor's knots... it's a silly rule.

4:28 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

SSS:
I don’t think they have it in Spain either.
Vitapointe has been around in UK for ever.
I rediscovered it some years ago and wouldn’t be without it now.

NiC:
The products always lag behind the trends. We wore mini skirts with suspenders long before tights were invented.

I’ll phone my mate Renée and we’ll try to Ban the Bags.

Arabella:
Gosh - Not much gets past you does it?
You aren’t a customs officer by any chance are you? :)

Geoff:
I’m only here for the birds. I’ll be back soon.
Talking of matters football - you are creeping up on Everton pretty fast. :(

4:52 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Scarlet:
Not this time - but last time I enjoyed being frisked by a petite non threatening Italian looking woman.

MJ:
You shave - I’ll hold.
Not saying which bit.

Hi Indra:
Loved your food and Tigers.

Pete:
Glad those trainers weren’t in the seat next to me.
The bag must be openable so that they can sample, sniff or taste the contents I suppose.
But he did not like my knot.

Donn:
My jaw just dropped.
Kev always places a hand over my mouth when we drive through customs. We always get picked on when we use the cross channel ferry.

Steve:
I think he probably thought so too - but he had to put on a show for the CCTV - perhaps

5:01 pm  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

The words 'Rip off' come to mind Kaz....

Tom ;o)

6:45 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Did you offer him a taste of your Vitapointe?

1:46 pm  
Blogger tony said...

It depends on if your an opitimist or a pessimist.ie is it half-full or half empty?.And think of the uses on a RyanAir Flight! You could pee in the bag & save having to pay for the Lavvy!!!!!

8:27 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Wom:
Right!
In Wilkinsons you could buy enough plastic bags to last a lifetime for a pound.

Pete:
I thought better of it - I didn't fancy a full body search.

Tony:
You are a wonder at lateral thinking - now we know why it must be resealable.
I wonder what they'll charge to spend a penny.

7:58 am  
Blogger CyberPete said...

I'd do that if he was cute

3:43 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
You are incorrigible!

7:36 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Absolutely!

7:52 pm  

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