Friday, March 27, 2009

Tits and Knits

What does a 50p coin weigh?

Nothing really. Go and get one and try it for yourself - you can hardly feel it in your hand.

It weighs the same as a Long Tailed Tit.

It's made the top 10 in this year's RSPB garden birdwtach.

The Long Tailed Tit is all tail - the actual bird part is impossibly small.

It's amazing to think that it survives outdoors in the rain, snow and storms, flies through the air, twitters noisily, does acrobatics in the trees, builds nests and has sex (but not as we know it).


When I read this good news an old rhyme sprang to mind. We used it as a cruel insult in our junior school where it was recited (screamed) across the playground with considerable venom.


Long Tailed Tit
Your mother can’t knit
Your father can’t walk with a walking stick.....


I can't find it mentioned anywhere on the web. Did I dream it?

Can you imagine a more hateful and scandalous insult than to suggest that your mother was unable to knit?


My mum could knit but my father had a touch of the Heather Mills McCartney problem. But he could walk quite well without a walking stick - thank goodness.

KAZ

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32 Comments:

Blogger Pete said...

look like apples on sticks don't they small round body long tail.

7:51 am  
Blogger Dave said...

The 50p has made made the top 10 in this year's RSPB garden birdwtach?

I suppose it makes sense. If it had been a birdwatch they would have had to include birds.

8:13 am  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

reminds me of Python's “Your mother is an 'amster and your father smells of elderberries!”. . .

altho I'm still thinking of the cake from the other day

8:40 am  
Blogger Rog said...

Phew ... I thought you were turning into MJ. You didn't imagine that rhyme because it was all the rage at Westcourt Infants in Kent and would be the soundtrack to games of fag cards and lurgy and hopscotch.
Nowadays the 6 year olds just text each other with things like : "Yr Dadz Shaggin Mrs Potts the diner laydee". Where's the creative finesse in that?

11:04 am  
Blogger Geoff said...

It must have died out by the time I got to school. We just played with our clackers.

My mum knitted me lots of things including a luxurious long West Ham scarf. I reckon all the skinheads were really jealous.

11:45 am  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

I don't remember any little 'sayings' from school. But when you consider I changed schools every 2 - 3 years (my dad was in the Air Force) and I lived all across the country (Canada, that is), I probably heard so many little taunts that I couldn't keep them all straight and so just promptly forgot them.

That's a pretty teeny bird.... I wonder how much bird there is under all those feathers... probably all beak, eyes and legs.

12:12 pm  
Blogger xl said...

I'm new here. Is this Tit Friday?


Oh Hai Ponita!

12:48 pm  
Blogger Jan said...

Lol, that's so funny. Also sounds vaguely familiar....

12:53 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
Valid comparison - but more the size of a peanut than an apple.

Dave:
Birdwatches are so last year.
Birdwtach is Latvian for coin collecting.

View:
Oh yes - I'd forgotten that one. There's also the 'History Today' sketches
I've been trying to forget it (the cake) all week

Rog:
MJ?
She would be very interested in a game of fag cards. You see the most outrageous pictures over there. You must look at this one from Kent?

Geoff:
You can't miss an opportunity to point out that you are decades younger than Rog and Me ... Can you?
Did the sun always shine in Kent? And did you eat fruit all the time?
I bet you've still got that scarf.

Ponita:
What a nomadic existence - and you've turned out so well :)
It's a gorgeous little tit - at least you couldn't eat this one whether it ate fish or not.
I doubt it could survive in all that Winnipeg snow.

xl?
Ah - shall I start a 'Tit Friday' series and be a rival to MJ?

Hello Jan:
'Vaguely familiar' is good - I thought my mind was playing tricks.

1:23 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

I've known women who could knit AND tat.

Though not simultaneously, obviously.

Oh Hai XL!

*reads Rog's comment, harumphs and exits, trailing bog roll from heel*

1:41 pm  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

The nomadic lifestyle has pervaded my adulthood as well. I just keep on movin' on...

We have myriads of tiny birds here all winter... especially theChickadee, which is a cousin to your tit but a tad larger, I believe. They do just fine in all the snow and cold.

Oh Hai XL!

1:42 pm  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Oh Hai MJ!

1:44 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Your dad was married to an overrated songwriter?

4:43 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

MJ:
"I've known women who could knit AND tat."
Was that before they invented the internet?
(Rog likes you really)

Ponita:
Movin' on?
As long as you're goin' in the right direction.
That chickadee sure looks like our long tailed tit - and it has a much nicer name. You could not use 'chickadee' as a playground insult.

Vicus:
My mum could certainly knock out a few tunes.
But fame, fortune and overrating eluded her

5:32 pm  
Blogger Arabella said...

The only thing worse than having a mom unable to knit was one who put jam on your sandwiches.

5:36 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

It does sound slightly familiar....was there some particular instance/affliction that lead to one being chastised with this incantation?

Other than being a tit with a long tail, obviously.

6:14 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

"twitters noisily" - personally I blame Stephen Fry and Jonathan Ross.

I guess being told that your dad knits better than your mum... that would be worse. And wrong in so many ways.

7:15 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Arabella:
Jam sandwiches.
I haven't heard mention of those for ages - and yes they were the lowest of the low as far as packed lunch went.
But weren't they delicious?

NiC:
Your comment made me realise that I may have been confused with 'tell tale tit' - though I'm sure that was based on the name of the bird. Google also gives me the rhyme:

TELL-TALE tit,
Your tongue shall be slit,
And all the dogs in the town
Shall have a little bit.


So obviously it was an insult for a sneak - not me I hasten to add.

Steve:
It's OK to blame Jonathan for everything now - that's what he gets all that money for.
You would definitely keep mum about a knitting dad!

9:31 pm  
Blogger scarlet-blue said...

My Mum knitted. She even knitted my summer frocks...
Sx

10:27 pm  
Blogger Sneppoc Einnod said...

Personally I am partial to Elegant and Great Tits, but after such a harsh winter, I'd settle for a viewing of a Sombre Tit or a Yellow Breasted Tit..
talk about overkill.

If your little ditty about knits & tits is not on the web,
don't have a fit,
you must have imagined it.

1:31 am  
Blogger tony said...

My Mum bought a knitting machine when i was young.........she sat behind it and looked like Kirk on The Bridge of THE Enterprise!
IS "TIT" STILL A rude word?As a Kid "tit" often came up,followed bY giggles&blushes......

10:13 am  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Dear Mr. Sneppoc,

Tits come in all shapes, sizes and colours. You'll get plenty of glimpses whilst you lounge the beaches of Mexico.

The winter tits here are well camouflaged, are they not?

3:07 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Scarlet:
Sounds itchy!

Sneppoc:
I see that Ponita has replied below - Elegant is always good - and remember that small is beautiful.
(Zak)

Tony:
Anyone who thinks that women can't handle machinary should have a look at sewing and knitting machines. I bet Kirk couldn't do it.
Kids need 4 letters like everyone else -
So these days it must be tits.

Ponita:
I only hope Einnod (he's turned Welsh) can adapt to the new climate in Mexico.

4:42 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

The long tailed tit isn't a genuine tit, apparently. Their call sounds like a bad impersonation of a blue tit's call.

Fraudulent little buggers.

8:59 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Betty:
You've been talking to that Bill Oddie again haven't you?
He's a fraudulent short arsed tit.

9:26 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

We used to sing 'Mr Vance has wet his pants! in P1.

Well, he was fuckin' ancient.

Tits? Give me a finch anyday.

10:26 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

When my fella points out we've got tits in the garden, he says "great tits" and points. I always say "thank you" just in case he means me.

3:52 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

tits? and no mention of football and cars, I didn't know you could have a conversation that didn't mention all three, fancy.

We did that rhyme also but ours starte "tell tale tit" and if you google that you'll find every single version you ever wanted and more.

In the words of the great Mr Scurrilous 'Hope This Helps'

7:06 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Garfer:
'Well, he was fuckin' ancient'
Yes - he was probably all of 35.

Finches are more of a handful - You can't always say that of tits :)

Nora:
The clue could be the direction of the pointing - but don't let me spoil your fun.
I'm just jealous.

Ziggi:
You are correct about 'Tell Tale Tit' - it was probably that.
But I must talk about football anyway - you are going to marmelise us aren't you?
Nothing about cars - the old 'onda's still going.

9:15 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

What a nasty thing to say about my mother. Scandalous!

My mother knits every day. Mostly socks and hats for babies.

11:02 pm  
Blogger Gordie said...

All tail and no tits? Worth a go in my book.

12:24 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Pete:
Your mother knits for babies.
Grandchildren?
Is there something you should tell us Pete?

Gordie:
Enough already - let’s talk about warblers.

9:41 pm  

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