Monday, June 01, 2009

Hoochie Coochie Parkie

You may recall that I don't believe that we can save the earth by paying 10p for a plastic bag and using Ecover toothpaste - but I do it anyway (apart from the toothpaste).

But just look at this garbagio that arrived unsolicited through my letter box.

Inside the very large envelope (top) were 8 pieces of paper including a huge 3 page fold out effort with a picture of Parki. He was very concerned that I wouldn't be able to afford to pay for my funeral.
Perhaps it's this caring attitude that got him his knighthood.

....or do you think Sun Alliance might have given him some financial incentive?

Instead of accepting his generous offer I shall recycle all this stuff and make a cardboard coffin.
This will free my mind from anxiety and allow me to concentrate on my choice of funeral music

Shall I choose Robbie's 'Angels' or James Blunt's 'Goodbye my Lover'?

Only joking ..... it will of course be the marvellous Muddy Waters singing 'The Hoochie Coochie Man'.

Gypsy woman told my mother 'fore I was born,
You got a boy-child coming, gonna be a son of a gun
Gonna make pretty womens jump and shout,
And then the world wanna know what this all about

But you know I'm here
Everybody knows I'm here
Well, I'm the hoochie coochie man
Everybody knows I'm here

But - perhaps another of my Blues favourites by Lee Dorsey called 'Get Out My Life Woman' would be more appropriate.

The funeral guests (Ed: what funeral guests?) could sing along with enthusiasm.



Blogger Dave said...

As I won't be there at my funeral, I'm not worried about what music is sung - nor who's going to pay for it.

ps I'm available to officiate at funerals - special rates for blog mates.

7:47 am  
Blogger garfer said...

Ashes scattered on the pitch at Maine Road. That's what you want.

Very eco friendly.

8:26 am  
Blogger Scarlet-Blue said...

I would choose 'Feeling Good' by Nina Simone...
Or... 'Going Underground' by The Jam

10:17 am  
Blogger Dave said...

'Smoke gets in your eyes'.

'Always look on the bright side of life' (I have actually had that at a funeral I conducted, chosen by the decaesed [before his death] and it was very right and appropraite).

10:25 am  
Blogger Rog said...

Parky's always been a bit too pleased with himself.

What about this one?

10:41 am  
Blogger Steve said...

Do you hope you're not going to use the actual leaflets to makes the coffin... not sure I could cope with Parky staring down at me for all eternity - or for at least as long as it takes for the cardboard to rot down.

As for music, has to be "Going Underground" by The Jam for me.

12:16 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

I quite like the idea of my funeral song being the Gift by the Velvet Underground, just because it's offensive and in bad taste.

Love the Lee Dorsey song.

12:54 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

Going to that link on people's taste in funeral music makes me feel really smug and depressed at the same time. People who choose Don't Worry Be Happy should be shot (if they weren't dead already).

I would choose something by Ennio Morricone as I don't want a dry eye in the house.

1:26 pm  
Blogger xl said...


2:30 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

So you don't care what people think of you when you're gone?

I'd love to take up your offer but you obviously wouldn't be heard over the wailing and weeping.

er .... don't you mean Goodison?

I'd stick with Nina - she's brilliant.

'So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed' - the Platters version I hope.
Eric Idle - an excellent choice - and an excellent name.

Poor Parki - I'm sure he really needs the money.
Lee Dorsey must have a song for every occasion - but I'm not sure coal mining is my thing.
Coal miners perhaps.

3:06 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

At his age I'm sure he'll rot away much faster than the box .
Very appropriate - but Paul Weller has really been bugging me recently.

What a pity you won't be there to see them squirm - it's nice and long too.
So glad you like Lee Dorsey. It's been one of my favourites for a long time.

Why not choose Terry Jacks?
You could beat them all for poor taste and still have not a dry eye in the place.

You like Cats don't you?

3:08 pm  
Blogger Donn Coppens said...

Just once I would love to see HRH lose it and behead one of these wealthy twats with a samurai-like slashing of Excalibur!!

Now that would be cool.

3:08 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

Maybe Parki is concerned because he retired and has nothing else to do but sit at home and wonder when his time comes? I like Parki.

My song would be Burning Up by Kylie or perhaps I made my excuses and left by Pet Shop Boys.

3:13 pm  
Anonymous NiC said...

One should not mention James Blunt even in jest Kaz...I almost stopped reading and deleted you from the internet (I have the power to that you know).

But, for my funereal muzac I was trying to think of something punky but apposite so thanks to Scarlet and Steve for reminding me of "Going Underground". That will do nicely.

7:00 pm  
Blogger Emerson Marks said...

Do you know what, Kaz. I can't buy into the current trend of people wanting their friends and family to turn that frown upside down and celebrate their life when they're dead and gone.

Let's get everyonr decked out in black. Let's have the raining pouring down. And as for music, maybe something classical, although I don't recall any names of tunes, so how about the theme to the Deerhunter.

9:06 pm  
Blogger BEAST said...

I would like to be liquidised and shot from a high powered cannon at france , It would make me eternally happy to make a shocking mess on Calais

9:59 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

I would like to fire the cannon that shoots Beast at France.

Or anywhere.

5:07 am  
Blogger MJ said...

If you pop your clogs, can I have them?

Your Docs, that is.

Not clogs, thanks anyway.

5:07 am  
Blogger MJ said...

Oh, and I want GARFER to wail uncontrollably at my funeral and throw himself on top of my coffin.

5:15 am  
Blogger zIggI said...

I'm not planning on going anywhere, but if you're giving away your stuff, what size are your feet?

7:29 am  
Blogger Dave said...

The theme music to The Deerhunter is Stanley Myers' "Cavatina" (also known as 'She Was Beautiful'), played on guitar by John Williams.

7:45 am  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

I must admit to liking junk mail... but only because it hides the bills coming in.
My choice for music (if I can call it that) would have to be something along the lines of 'agadoo'.. I hated it in life so I might as well do te same in death. :O) Can you imagine the look on the faces when that gets played.. :O)
My daily blogs: Wiggers World and Picture & Words

9:11 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

She'll have to do it soon while she still has some strength left.
Perhaps she'll be tempted when Boris gets his knighthood.

I was thinking about that - he could hardly traipse round the Arndale like most pensioneers could he?
Nothing against your Kylie - but that Pet Shop Boys track is a brilliant choice.

Now I'm scared - really scared. I shall be more careful in future.
"Going Underground" - I think a favourite is emerging.

Oh yes - like those funerals on the telly where there are lots of huge black umbrellas and wailing widows. And a pale grief stricken stranger turns up.
Deerhunter theme - see Dave's comment for info.

9:23 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

No need to liquidise that will happen soon enough - you will be dressed in your purple spangly outfit and accompanied by the 1812 overture.

OK - but make sure he's really dead first. And bring lots of Champagne.

Your name's already top of the list babe.
You'll love the red suede ones.

No you're just being ridiculous.
Garfer is not one to show his true feelings.

Size 3 - same as MJ.
So a bit too late for the Docs - and my clothes wouldn't fit as I am not well endowed in the chest area.
So it will have to be the jewellery!

As my students used to say " you are mind of information".

I can always rely on you to raise the tone of the comments box.
As you know I'm a Bill oddie type - so perhaps I should follow you lead and choose 'The Birdy Song'.

9:28 am  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

Pulp's Something Changed or Abba's The Day Before You Came


12:07 pm  
Blogger tony said...

[Given That This Weekend I Have Been A Born-Again Gardener]I would rather like this song at my funeral! I would request that those attending sing along!

12:13 pm  
Blogger CyberPete said...

He could move over here and become my grandfather. He looks like he'd be good at that.

I quite like the PSB track too. Still Burning Up is a lot more cheerful - and it's not a cover of that (was it?) Peggy Lee track.

4:31 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

Oh yes please, I don't have any decent jewels although Himself would claim otherwise - but you can't really go round wearing those can you, unless your MJ.

7:09 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

? ' e

add where necessary

7:11 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

You cannot go wrong with Abba. My fave is 'The Winner Takes it All'.

Sorry dearest - I couldn't possibly. I would have to deny you your last request.
But you'll never know will you? :)

No - he loves himself too much. He should stop at home and count his money. The botox didn't work anyway.

MJ only tells us about shoes - she keeps her jewels to herself.

Most of my jewels were bought on holiday in Spain. I particularly like those beads threaded on elastic which just pull on (or off) over your head.
'e (thanks)

8:02 pm  
Blogger Kevin Musgrove said...

We've had this discussion, my family and I. I suspect my parents have lined this up for me.

One of my "I'm getting old moments" was seeing Maggie Philbin advertising walk-in baths.

10:01 pm  
Blogger Lulu LaBonne said...

My friends and family will sing Remember You're A Womble.

12:34 am  
Blogger Hyde DP said...

why is everybody talking about funerals all of a sudden?

11:55 am  
Blogger Istvanski said...

My Funeral Song would be "The Air Conditioned Nighmare" by Mr Bungle in case there is an afterlife. It's applicable to Heaven as well as Hell I think.
Commiserations re: last Saturday's game. Hope you're feeling better.

3:32 pm  
Blogger dh said...

That bloke with the mullet is holding the sword all wrong. Looks like it will need more than one swipe.

5:42 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Hope it's Mood Indigo - a wonderful toon.
Keith Chegwin's enough to drive anyone to an early grave.

Just don't pay Mike Batt any royalties - he's quite rich enough.

Blame Parki.

How enigmatic.
I love the line 'My wet dream is drying up' very appropriate for a funeral.
re Last Sat - thanks.
We move on and at least we weren't bankrolled by a Russian squillionaire.

Mullet ha ha!
How does 'one' overcome the temptation?

9:08 pm  
Blogger nwtrunner said...

Mine is gonna be the ultimate Canucklehead feel good tune by Trooper - "We're here for a good time, not a long time" - it's a fantastic tune and you gotta love the sentiment. Live every day for the joy it brings and don't expect that you're gonna get one more.

Which in Canuck terms means - buy more beer.

I'm sure MJ will agree, although she may add something about houseboys or shoes.

6:55 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

You can certainly 'buy more beer' for my funeral.
MJ has already had her say about my shoes - she stands to inherit the entire collection.

1:22 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

NWT's musical choice is brilliant!

That's actually one my friend's theme song. I'll suggest we play it at her funeral...assuming she goes before me so I can enjoy it.

4:09 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I'm going drinking with the pals tomorrow - I'll learn the lyrics (should take me all of 2 minutes) and we'll sing along and drink a toast to all 'Canuckleheads'.

9:10 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Yes, I've never got this being green thing, when we get junk mail and free newspapers like they've already decided there's no tomorrow. And I don't know about Manchester, but you cannot walk a square inch in London without free newspapers and flyers being thrust in your hand.

But Parky's a very caring guy - I'm sure he is concerned that you don't have a pauper's funeral Kaz. Much though you are of course the youngest pensioner and will probably see him off far sooner!

9:46 pm  
Blogger Flaming Nora said...

My dad had "leaving on a jet plane" and "always look on the bright side of life". Everyone cried, anyway.

10:45 pm  

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