The Corncrake
I promised I'd tell you about Friend A. You remember - the one with two cups of tea to drink.It was Sunday evening a few weeks ago - I was relaxing on the squashy sofa with a preprandial Sauvignon.
Phone rings - friend A speaks "I'm so angry I have to talk to someone - can you spare a few minutes?"
Kaz (impressed by A’s improvement in social skills) says 'yes' and tries desperately to remember the half day course in counselling skills she took in 1996.
A very long conversation followed. Later, I ate my dinner with the smug air of a good Samaritan.
The e mail arrived the following morning.
'A real friend wouldn't say some of the things you said yesterday .... You said you didn't want me to be upset - I wasn't upset I WAS ANGRY!!!! '
It continued..……. on .. and on ...
***Now I don't know much.***
But If I sat in this chair I would have to choose British Birds as my special subject.Next day’s e mail said ‘You implied that wasn’t a corncrake I spotted, surely you know me well enough by now to know that I would know.’
Trust me on this one. The corncrake doesn't live in the north of England and if it did (as the name suggests) it would be unlikely to be in A's back yardTonight I go out with my other pals - the ones with scintillating social skills - for a very late birthday celebration .
I just hope they don't give up on me - I haven’t got many friends left.
KAZ
Labels: Agony Aunts, Corncrake, Mastermind, Nutters
posted by KAZ at 7:05 am
38 Comments:
A Christmas Present Suggestion....
Wow - that was quick!
Excellent suggestion - is Bill Oddie in it?
But you've got all your blog-friends.
She probably saw a song thrush, but has even worse eyesight than me.
Tell her I told you that if she asks.
I'm guessing the corncrake is a metaphor for something that I simply can't fathom. I'm much better at recognizing song titles that Chris Packham drops into his presentation slots on Autumn Watch...
Surely one old bird is much the same as any other?
Dave:
Yes.
They are the most important aren't they.
And you don't have put your mascara on before you talk to them.
Betty:
You are probably correct.
However, a perceptive woman such as yourself will have realised that I won't be telling her anything - ever again.
Steve:
I stopped watching Springwatch - you may remember that I don't like Ms Humble.
So I googled Chris Packham who sounds like a good bloke - it says 'he made a game of inserting the titles of songs by The Smiths into the script for each episode'.
Birds and The Smiths - my ideal combination.
Rog:
No
See comment re Humble above.
(btw - I have noticed a worrying trend in your recent comments.)
Tulips, whilst nice to look at, are rather pretentious don't you think? Not like daffodils at all.
a bird in the hand is worth two in the back yard - perhaps you might buy her a budgie. . .
(wot! no mascara?)
Just send her a picture you took (pre photo-shopped) to prove your point. She'll never know.
Actually she sounds a bit flaky to me - I think there might be less hard work friends out here.
Some people deserve to be a victim of market forces.
Send her the picture of the chair and tell her that that's what they look like. (Though in my experience, corncrakes always look like two acres of deserted machair in the rain.)
I've found no-one asks for my opinion if they really don't want it. Being blunt tends to cut out the possibilities of such phone calls.
PS. The marmalade is still waiting...billy-no-mate.
I first heard of the corncrake in a Pogues song. Is it a native of North London?
zIggI:
Er - did you mean to leave this comment on another blog?
Or are you just being ultra enigmatic?
View:
Kind thought - but I would fear for the budgie's mental health.
View:
Oh Dear - perhaps I'm letting myself go - I assumed that the webcam was turned off.
Laura:
Flaky is an understatement.
But she does like taking long walks over the hills and is normally OK in an eccentric sort of way.
Still this was one too far.
Kevin:
I have never seen a corncrake - but I can read and believe the books.
And now I know what machair is.
Roses:
I was so kind and careful - but it was the word 'upset' that she didn't like.
Thanks - you are so kind.
Geoff:
North London - nope.
You won't see one unless you go to North Scotland or North Ireland.
Another Xmas present suggestion...
What have they got to be secretive about?
xl:
Aha!
Cornflake - not Corncrake.
Very good.
You certainly find lots of those in the North of England.
In fact we have a Kellogg's factory in Manchester.
mj:
They've heard that Friend A is after them and they are VERY afraid.
Black Crowes?
This is all vey confusing , I can never understand the hidden language of girl talk
Why oh why was she so upset about the word upset
****scratches head***
When someone said my singing sounded like a corncrake I found a recording of a corncrake. Then I was upset.
mago:
I don't think friend A is very Rock 'n Roll.
Beast:
Me neither - Can I be an honorary bloke please.
Apparently being 'upset' made her seem weak whereas being 'angry' made her seem confident.
****scratches head***
Dinah:
Perhaps s/he was like friend A and didn't know the difference between a corncrake and a song thrush.
The corncrake may be theo only animal on the planet whose latin name (Crex crex) is easier to say than it's common moniker.
You're a good friend and she is..well, not so much.
Like Mr Beastie I was also very confused... and I have a very sneaky suspician that friend 'A' was angry and upset and looking at a pigeon.
Sx
when I read this yesterday it was about flowers wasn't it? Now it's about birds twittering - I've never got the hang of that to be honest, but Geoff seems to have bits down his sidebar.
Donn:
Some birds are so good they have to name them twice - apus apus is a swift
Friend A is more like an anus anus!
Scarlet:
It's the pigeon that I feel sorry for.
zIggI:
I really don't want to alarm you dearest - but there has been no mention of flowers on this blog for the last 3 years.
It'll be OK - deep breaths and just follow the nice lady.
which nice lady?
How odd. An exhibition of paintings by a local artist went up in Crewe library yesterday. One of them that took my eye was called "Cornrakes" and was accompanied by a poem. I haven't heard the word corncrake for years. I think I need to lay down.
zIggI:
Not sure - but I think someone called her Matron :0)
Richard:
I love coincidences. Didn't Arthur Koestler write a book about it?
I don't suppose you'll see any corncrakes in Crewe either.
One should never write an angry (or upset) email and send it. It's too easy. Save it, read it again later, print it, read it again - and then stop being so silly, write something friendly and get on with life. Assuming the silly mare has one.
Roots of coincidence, 1972.
This woman is clearly more of a Nuthatch.
I am sure the course in 1996 was fabulous but may not have covered how to deal with a Nuthatch.
I'm growing quite concerned that I haven't seen as many Great Tits in my yard this Fall..
I do hope they're not endangered.
I prefer seeing Cornflakes.... much more tasty and feathers don't get caught in ones teeth... ;o)
Nowt t'do with your flakey/corny friend...
I'm confused. When did "Coronation Street" become "Corrie" and not "The Street"?
Not that it matters - all the ones I knew are dead!
Mago:
That's the one - I got through the first two chapters.
Kerrie:
I always thought I should have stayed on for the afternoon session.
Donn:
Small tits are much cuter.
Tom:
Agreed - rushes out to Tesco for family sized box.
Dinah:
Not sure - I was late to catch up. But I'd estimate about 1994.
It was long before the other one became 'Enders'.
Generally wild birds around here tend to prefer a muesli to Cornflakes.
Boring health fanatics.
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