Monday, January 25, 2010

They Finally Got Me

Remember I said that I would top myself rather than go into hospital.

Well they said it would only be one night and it wasn't MRI. So rational thought persuaded me to accept the bed.

They phoned on Monday night and I turned up promptly on Tuesday at 9am to be taken to bed 20. It wasn't on the long ward - it was in a double room where I was tucked into the corner with a nice view of the wheelie bins.

I've had much worse hotel rooms.


My room mate woke up and asked for the TV to be switched on. I sat through about 3 hours of Molly telling Tyrone that he couldn't cut the mustard.

Emma then fell asleep hugging the remote while the rest of ITV2's morning fare and its excruciating adverts blared forth.

I finished all 320 pages of this before tea time.

In the evening Emma left and Yvonne arrived. Later she told me about seeing Muddy Waters at The Twisted Wheel in her Mary Quant style dress. We negotiated on telly.

With the remote control bed and toast and marmalade(Duerrs) for breakfast I managed to survive.


Kev came to visit in the afternoons. To avoid two hours of moaning about hospital parking and premiership referees I told him to bring the crossword. So we didn't have one :)

But one night???
They lied
.

My blood was too thin to do the 'procedure' so I had to wait for it to get thicker. By Friday I was so thick I could hardly find the initiative to clean my teeth.


My release came on Saturday evening after 5 days of idling in captivity.

By this time I was 100% institutionalised.

No need for hugs just yet - I'll tell you if I need any when I know more.
KAZ

56 Comments:

Anonymous NiC said...

Hope things are OK Kaz.

But hospitals are amazingly good at institutionalising aren't they? Even the really bad ones....it's really scary.

You need a higher pectin content (I assume it works to thicken blood as well as marmalade).....or maybe just more of that Duerrs .

10:07 am  
Blogger SSS said...

I'm sorry to hear about your stay, Kaz. I hope you've recovered.

Mind you, if you feel institutionalised after 5 days just imagine what it does to the staff.

11:02 am  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

love and peace.

11:34 am  
Blogger savannah said...

yikes, sugar! hope all is well now! xoxoxo

11:41 am  
Blogger Scarlet Blue said...

...and I missed those episodes of Corrie..
Wishing you good results.
Sx

11:41 am  
Blogger mago said...

Don't go there.
They are liers.

11:47 am  
Blogger zIggI said...

I've read that book in a similar situation :)

Hope you're ok KAZ xx

12:08 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

?
was it a face lift or a boob job?

12:10 pm  
Blogger Rog said...

OMG!!!
You've only done this to make me feel guilty for taking the piss haven't you Kaz? Dave's Mum pulled the same trick.
I bet it wasn't blood thickness but alcohol content which had to subside.
Anyway glad you've escaped - if ever you have to go in again take an internet phone so we can keep tabs on you.

12:10 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

NiC:
More of the Duerrs sounds a perfect cure.
Or I may make my own like you do.

SSS:
The staff were good - they got lots of thankyous from the inmates.

Vicus:
Thanks - you old hippy.

Savvy:
It's wait and see time.

Scarlet:
You are very fortunate.
Thanks

Mago:
Do you speak from experience?

zIggI:
Thanks - I thought it was good but not great.

zIggI:
A full body lift .

Rog:
Surely you know me better. I'd be really upset if you didn't take the piss.
Coming home to Kev's post was a lovely surprise..
I thought of that - but which sort?

12:30 pm  
Blogger geraldgee said...

More privacy in those old fashioned big wards. xx

12:31 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

You weren't on the Platt ward at Weatherfield General, then?

All the best, Kaz.

1:09 pm  
Blogger xl said...

I see the Manchester Marmalade is in a category by itself. Is that the good stuff?

[hugs anyway]

1:44 pm  
Blogger Roses said...

Just so you know: I'm not in the mood for any more medical dramas.

It would really ruin my day.

As I'm an affectionate, touchy-feely sort, you'll have to put up with the hugs I'm afraid.

Many, many hugs

*pours Kaz a glass of nicely chilled Pinot Grigio and hands over a pot of marinated olives*

1:56 pm  
Blogger Arabella said...

Too right - you'll have a hug and like it!

1:58 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

What Vicus said.

2:00 pm  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

OMG - how awful for you!

Blood thinning, blood thickening - they're never happy are they?

What do they want...blood?

Am so glad you are out again. Hope problem was sorted (or you find a suitable medial DIY kit on internet if not).

Lx

2:25 pm  
Blogger Betty said...

Well I'm not much of a hugger of course, so you're safe here.

Hope you are okay though; fingers crossed, eh?

3:20 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

Has anyone brought you grapes?

3:42 pm  
Blogger Z said...

They seem to have removed most of my blood. Sorry you've been in hospital too. I'm quite hoping to go home but I've a feeling my husband doesn't really want me there.

4:24 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Gerald:
It was OK in my little corner. XX

Geoff:
I believe you have to be a fit woman to go into Weatherfield General.
Ta Geoff.

xl:
There's no such thing as bad marmalade.
This isn't my absolute fave - but it's up in the top 5.

[behave yourself]

Roses:
I'll take a rain check on the hugs - just chuck over the Pinot.

Arabella:
Bossy Boots.
X

Laura:
Ah well - I suppose I've done well.
It was my first time in hospital and as you know I'm no spring chicken.

Betty:
Thanks Betty.
I could have done with Barbara on my case.

MJ:
Not yet - but I got a banana.

4:27 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Z:
You too?
I haven't been keeping up for over a week now.
How are you managing to get on the web?

4:30 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Corry On The NHS! .But you missed the Omnibus Edition on Sunday!
I hope all ok now?

4:46 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Dave:
I missed you.
I thought you were Vicus.

Tony:
I discovered that it's always Corrie on some channel or other.

5:00 pm  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

if Kev had brought you a sudoku, would that have meant that your number was up. . .

YIKES!!

. . .glad you're still with us

X

5:50 pm  
Blogger Steve said...

I wish I'd known, Kaz, I could have smuggled you in a gemstone hammer and a huge poster of Greta Garbo to cover evidence of your daring escape attempt. Glad you've been let out for good behaviour. I hope you never have to go back.

6:52 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

Look on the bright side, you could be in a Travelodge.

Vicarious Lucozade and a bunch of grapes are on their way.

Best wishes.

10:37 pm  
Blogger dinahmow said...

Oh dear. And here was me thinking you were a bit slack about the blogs.
I've got some champers in the fridge - shall I have a flute or two for you?

11:32 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

View:
Kev likes sudoku - but I can't get involved.
I'm still here -you don't get rid of me so easily :)

Steve:
As I was near the window I was tempted to tie my bed sheets together and climb down.
But, then again, I could have just walked out the door I suppose.

Garfer:
People have joked so much about hospital grapes that no one brings them any more.
I long for a bunch of grapes.

Dinah:
I would be delighted to give you an excuse to scoff the champers.
Cheers!!

10:17 am  
Blogger Macy said...

OH NO!!! Who needs Corrie when you have blogs these days????
Things are getting too exciting here on this blog though. Enough excitement, just keep well and stay out of the way of wee men in white coats OK?

10:25 am  
Blogger white rabbit said...

Strictly you are discharged from hospital.

But released is more like it. Hospitals are like prisons and air[ports - all anyone wants to do is get out of them. I was in hospital fopr the first time (apart from being born) last year. It was only the intravenous morphine that kept me sane ;)

Trusting all will be well.

12:24 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

I noticed you had missed me. I missed you too.

4:47 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Macy:
Good advice.
I've managed to keep away for all of my (long) life so it was a bit of a shock.

WR:
Me too.
I've always dreaded hospital and have avoided it so far.
Intravenous morphine? That would almost make it worth it.

Dave:
I hate doing that - I am usually so punctilious

5:33 pm  
Blogger Z said...

Ah yes, I'd forgotten to tick the little box, sorry I didn't answer - but you came and found out.

I was really looking forward to the morphine. But they gave me so little (in case it made me more nauseous than I already was) that it had no effect at all.

7:53 pm  
Blogger Kevin Musgrove said...

So... if you're blood's too thin does that mean you have to have lots of bacon butties and rather too much Guinness?

Glad you're out anyway.

10:00 pm  
Blogger mago said...

I have visited these institutions a lot over the years, normal stations (wards), emergency rooms (Notaufnahme), intense care unit (Intensiv-Station), always as visitor, as observer. I know that those who do the real work always do their best. There is no place for kidding or "as-if", everybody wants to do the right thing.
I found people in the administration I would have shot. Without regret. I found doctors in the high levels who were too dumb to piss. Is this the Thomas-principle, sorry I do not look it up now, when the most stupid people are shoveled upwards.

KAZ, I like you very much, I only hope that you do not have to spent time in hospitals. Yes, medcine made some real good progress in the last thirty years or more, I wish some had been made earlier and people I knew could have lived a little longer or would have died under other circumstances, anyway, the best is always to stay out of it, I hope you can do. So, das war dieses. Sorry. Now, will you marry this cowboy, Kev?

12:47 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Z:
Yes - I think some shopping is in order.
I hoped they would at least dish out the valium - but paracetamol was all I got.

Kevin:
Strangely I had a strong craving for a pint of Guinness yesterday.
Do you think my body is telling me something?

mago:
I think it's the Peter Principle which certainly works in the field of education these days.
Thanks for your lovely comment - I'll try to stay out in future.
But no promises about cowboy Kev - if it ain't broke don't fix it - eh?

9:05 am  
Blogger Rosie said...

Always kind of feel I have walked into somebody's kitchen in this blog and everybody knows each other. But I'm hooked now. Get well and up and running again.

2:44 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Nope
They are just cheeky - and no one knows who Rog is.
Thanks Rosie.

8:15 pm  
Blogger Kerrie said...

You once said it was only us in blogland that would notice if you went missing.
We noticed!!

Glad you are back!

8:57 pm  
Blogger Lubin said...

5 days!!! Well done for coping.

10:41 pm  
Blogger Donnw/2nz said...

Bravo for not strangling Emma with the line from your blood thickening tube thingamabob. I would have and pleaded temporary insanity.

I trust that there will be trouble when your alien DNA is discovered and the Military wants a crack at you. Oh well..you had a good run posing as an ordinary Earthling.

Now might be a good time to sneak off to Spain and join the "others".

btw: I fully expect to find a glowing report from the Lab...your hemoGLOWbin will be front page news :)

3:24 pm  
Blogger Istvanski said...

How does blood become "thicker"?
Mix part blood to two parts flour?

Hoping everything is ok x

6:19 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Kerrie:
(squeezes back sentimental tear)
Ta luv.

Lubin:
Thanks - I've spent all my adult life fearing the hospital bed.
So it's another one to tick off the list.
Next - amphibians that jump!

Donn:
I've just heard 'Loving the Alien' on the radio.
Do you think David loves me?
Must be my hemoGLOWbin.

Istvanski:
That would be too quick.
It seems vital to keep the inmate in the cell for days and bore them into thickness on a diet of ITV2.

8:53 pm  
Blogger Pete said...

if you're forced to watch ITV then surely ITV3!!

hope you can keep out of the place

11:57 am  
Blogger BEAST said...

5 days , blimey . Hope all goes well :-)

2:30 pm  
Blogger mago said...

I hope all is well.

8:11 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Thanks sweet Pete - I'll try my best.
24 hour Poirot? Not bad at all.

Beast:
You might have enjoyed doing nothing for 5 days - but it's what I do for a living.
Ta luv :0)

Mago:
I'm just relaxing tonight and feeling fine after watching NCIS.

8:26 pm  
Blogger Gerald (Hyde DP) said...

So glad you are out and able to blog about it - are there still Hattie Jacques type nurses these days?

7:28 pm  
Blogger Madame DeFarge said...

Hope all is well. Were there any handsome young doctors intent on patronising you? No hospital is complete without one.

9:10 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Gerald:
Same size as Hattie - but no personality.

Madame:
I longed to be patronised.

1:26 pm  
Blogger UberGrumpy said...

Next time you go into hospital, drink a lot of vodka first. Thins the blood perfectly, plus, you don't feel the needles.

Get well soon

6:08 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

UG:
That's the sort of advice I'd pay money for. I could inject it as well as drink it - just to be on the safe side.
OOps - just remembered my blood was too thin - bugger.

2:53 pm  
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