Friday, February 19, 2010


When they did that thing in hospital I only had two little pricks before they inserted a tube into my abdomen.

But not hurting is not the same as not hearing.

Phrases like - 'Jimmy usually does it like this - or I sometimes put a stitch here - what do you think?' are not reassuring.

Then there's 'Have we run out of rubber gloves again/ where's that no9 scalpel we used last week - or can you get me that allen key we used for the Billy bookcase?'

All stuff I don't want to hear.

When Lady Penelope's Ron had his bypass surgery (she was a bit pissed off about this because she'd just discovered he was having a torrid affair and had to stop being horrible to him) we just saw it as fair punishment.
But I digress - apparently they did the thing through a tube inserted into the groin (ouch) area.

During his preparation when he was obviously feeling terrified the theatre staff were all discussing boyfriends and holidays until the surgeon showed up when respect and hush descended.

Z seemed to be OK with her wide awake op - she had a choice of music.

Poor Ziggi had the full knock out but was allergic to the anaesthetic which had alarming consequences.

Next time KaZ will take her ipod with earphones.

(Ed - what next time??)



Blogger Dave said...

I'll let others make the rude comments about your first sentence.

I'd rather not think about blood and operations and such things, thanks.

8:14 am  
Blogger savannah said...

what happened? damn, sugar, i didn't realize i'd been that remiss about visiting! xoxoxox

9:00 am  
OpenID moreidlethoughts said...

kaz...I assume from your witty posts that you ARE ok. important things.Who is Lady Penelope? And Ron?
My memory dredged up a Lady Penelope from "Thunderbirds are go!" but perhaps I'm in early-stage dementia?

9:04 am  
Blogger Steve said...

I just hope they didn't leave the tube or the allen key inside you... apparently an alarming number of people who have had operations have various tools and metallic paraphenalia left inside them by forgetfukl surgeons. It makes you wonder where all those rubber gloves went, doesn't it?

Seriously though, hope all is well with you despite with your skirmish with the face-masked ones.

9:40 am  
Blogger geraldgee said...

When do you have time to get operations Kaz? xxx

10:11 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Sorry if I brought back bad memories.

Tests and more tests.
Visiting? It's OK I got the chocolates.

Yes I'm OK.
Lady Penelope (aka Lesley/ Trudi Styler) has featured many times on this blog.
She's my good mate who is nothing like me - i.e. she's sociable, sophisticated and with a liking for big flash cars and glittering chandeliers.

Rubber gloves - oops. They wouldn't show on the X ray would they?
Thanks - I'm fine.

It only took about 20 minutes.
But it was still a serious interruption to my idling.

10:18 am  
Blogger mago said...

I did not read Z's account on the op, but I guess she saied something about the knocking and hammering.
Thank God we have choices today, everything is better than the piece of wood and the the bottle of booze.
I hope there is no next time.

What would one like to hear while being operated? A ballad from Motörhead? Some gentle Jazz? I hope I have never to think seriously about this.

10:41 am  
Blogger Rog said...

Seriously you must get yourself an iPhone on which you can listen to some soothing Jaaazzzz Vibes whilst blogging to us nosey lot about your experiences.

And next time say you don't want local anaethetic - tell them you'd like some driven in from Bolton or Runcorn.

10:55 am  
Blogger Scarlet Blue said...

I quite like a well turned piece of wood and a frothy cocktail, Mr Mags.

12:07 pm  
Blogger BEAST said...

When I was having an opp , the theatre staff were discussing the shocking behaviour of nurse Janet and an unamed doctor behind the greenhouse at a previous weekend BBQ , they knocked me out just as they got to the juicy bit grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I also had a bit of a strange reaction to the aneasthetic and whilse in the recovery room kept jumping up and running off (obviously still in my backless gown) and was last retrieved from the hospital car park.......therefore half of Margate has seen my nekkid Ass.
As lifetime achievements go....that will do for me :-)

12:37 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

'Both your eyes wide open
You see the shape I'm in'

I love it - but I might start playing my air guitar.
Better stick with a bit of sweet soul music.

I'm considering.
My present phone can get on the net but has no WiFi - and do I really need Zombie Pizza or Pocket guitar :)
iBird sounds good though.
Bolton counts as local - but Runcorn is very foreign parts - Cheshire!

I'm not sure that's exactly what he had in mind.

12:38 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Beast - you slipped in there:
Sounds like an episode of Holby City.
Remember we've all seen it as well - over at Infomaniac.

12:41 pm  
Blogger Mopsa said...

Yup - I remember only too well hearing all the weird theatre gossip as I went under, and then start to come to well before time and feeling the PAIN!!!! Oh no, you've reawakened nightmares for years.

12:54 pm  
Blogger Geoff said...

The anaesthetic I had when I had the camera down me gullet made me all spaced out and happy. They should sell it in pubs.

It was strange and a bit scary seeing the previously smart-suited specialist in his working attire, though.

1:30 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

I think I need an operation - I keep finding Rog funny.
Glad to know that you have had it removed. It really didn't suit you.

1:44 pm  
Blogger xl said...

A long time ago I had a semi-awake operation on my nasal passages. I was aware when the Dr chiseled away at the bone or asked me to move. Otherwise I was in la-la land.

1:51 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

So Sorry Mopsa:
It's easy for me to joke as it wasn't even an operation.
I just wondered if it would have been better 'going under' to avoid the commentary.

I could have done with some of that.

Are you referring to the 'I love Vicus' tattoo below my navel?

La-la land is where I wannabe.
I didn't even get a gin and tonic.

2:04 pm  
Blogger Arabella said...

For a relaxing accompaniment to sawing, any tune on the vibraphone would do me.

2:06 pm  
Blogger Macy said...

I'm with Ed - What Next Time???

2:33 pm  
Blogger mago said...

Oh, I like to learn whatever Scarlet has to teach me. I like soul music, but snipping fingers along fat brass sections and humming things like "yeah baby give it to me" might be considered a little uncut while under the knife?

3:11 pm  
Blogger Scarlet Blue said...

Who are you calling 'a fat brass'????
Goodness me!

3:13 pm  
Blogger I, Like The View said...

I was about to make the same comment as Steve, about having a pair of rubber gloves left inside you. . .

. . .but I'm reminded of when I had an emergency apendectomy when I was 11, the anaesthetist saying "count backwards from ten" (expecting me to be out by about seven or six) and I'd gotten to minus five before I started wondering if they were going to conduct the operation anyhow


very glad they didn't leave any rubber gloves inside you!

3:19 pm  
Blogger white rabbit said...

KAZ - Further to your comment abovem intravenous morphine is bloody brilliant :D

I came round from operation for fractured hipm last March to find myself plumbed for morphine.

'If you're feeling uncomfortable give this button a squeeze' I was told.


I did.

I was so off my face on intravenous morphime through the nicotone withdrawal phase I stopped smoking effortlessly.

Hoping you don't have any more medical grief but if you do, demand intravenouis morphine!

5:14 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

**fame** it's almost worth it to be mentioned here :)

I'm going to Southampton Hospital Allergy clinic next week so they can tell me officially that I'm allergic to the Vecuronium. It sounds like something you should have on your elements chart. Anyway that'll be exciting and I shall definitely be staying awake!

5:17 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Apologies to Lionel Hampton - but I took an instant dislike to the vibraphone on my first hearing.

Ed is a wise woman.

I certainly must avoid asking them to 'give' me anything.

Don't mind me - I'm enjoying the dialogue.

They probably expected an 11 year old girl to count very slowly.

'intravenous morphine ' .. hmmm...........perhaps it won't be too bad if there's a next time.

We shall call Verconium Vc.
Will you get compensation?
Oh and How Are You now?

7:30 pm  
Blogger Madame DeFarge said...

I woke up from my only op being sick and being told what a lovely colour my hair was. Somewhat surreal. And everything ached. Hope all well.

8:54 pm  
Blogger mago said...

Nogness? I thought of such brass ... hold on then ...

10:13 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

I'm fine thank you Kaz, I am going to put in an appearance at work on Monday! That will frighten the horses, not to mention the head and all the staff and children. I don't believe in the compensation culture unless it's necessary for long term care and I have Himself for that :). Anyway I'm tall and thin now and probably magnetic - that's got to be worth a bit of discomfort! I hope you're ok too Kaz and Z seems to be on the mend the amount of bed hopping she's up to!

12:15 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Mine wasn't a real op - so I feel somewhat guilty.
But I'd love it if someone complimented me on the colour of my hair.

One of my all time favourites.

Yikes - you've frightened me now.
Good luck.
P.S. Chelsea and now you lot - Everton are magnificent!

3:02 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

I'll let others make the rude comments about your first sentence.

Thank you, Dave.

*takes high road for a change and exits*

4:53 pm  
Blogger zIggI said...

I may never comment here again!

5:03 pm  
Blogger Christopher said...

All those Zs. I really found it hard to stay awake through this post. Just as effective as those anaesthetics, really. But I can't help thinking of you now as less of a blogger, more a post operative.

5:59 pm  
Blogger mago said...

Fine :)

8:33 pm  
Blogger tony said...

[I Enjoy Taking Women To The Theatre.]
You OK?

9:36 pm  
Blogger Kerrie said...

Can you get a CD of music to have operations by? I am trying to think of witty suggestions for such a Cd but all I can get is Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.

10:37 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

Opos are fine, you just wake up with shrinkled winkle feeling more hung over than usual and demand your car keys back.

12:57 am  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Last April, I had a procedure on my lady parts to make monthly evacuations non-existent and had the choice of either a general anaesthetic or a spinal.

I chose the spinal and spent the entire time watching the whole procedure on a big screen tv, chatting up the surgeon and the anaesthesiologist. It rather smelled like a barbecue, though...

No drugs needed. Just had to wait for my legs to re-attach before I could go home. They left me for a while... ;-)

2:17 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

be careful you don't fall off.

Oh - g'won.
It's only a game (or so some people say).

Well more a post procedural really.
It wasn't a proper op.


I know you refer to your wife.

Remember 'The First Cut is the Deepest'?
Sounds like a good game.

Tell me more.

Oh NO.
Not because of the spinal - but the big screen.
I couldn't have watched. My strategy would be to close my eyes and imagine myself somewhere warm near a beach and a gin and tonic.

8:55 am  
Blogger zIggI said...

only a game?! Oh yes so it is! :) And let's face it, you deserved to win.

I don't need to be in hospital to imagine myself somewhere warm near (near?? surely on?) a beach with a large G&T - I'm doing it right now!

9:41 am  
Blogger Roses said...

I quite liked the experience of a general anaesthetic. I quite liked the 'I've just given you something to relax you'...zzzzzzzz.

I don't want to be around for hammering, suturing, gossiping etc.

I just didn't think much of the aftermath.

I still wish they'd have given me valium, I'd have been much happier.

10:18 am  
Blogger Z said...

Bed hopping? Oh dear, Ziggi, it's true. I haven't a leg to stand on (it's been sawn off, you know - top bit, anyway).

Actually (sorry to be serious), I'm shocked to find that staff are having personal conversations when they know a patient is awake and anxious. I think that's terribly rude and inconsiderate.

11:15 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

It's not six o'clock yet - Unless you're in NZ as well.

Only Ziggi's experience has put me off the total knock out.
Valium? My doctor will not part with the stuff.
Though I've not asked since I stopped work.

This shocked me too - when mum had an op (hip by coincidence) she was provided with a person to talk with.
This did keep her mind off things.

12:18 pm  
Blogger mago said...

I'd go definitely for the Morphium. And a good swig of Laudanum, just to tune in. I heard Crowley had every morning a hard boiled egg topped with heroin - and the day is your friend ...

1:40 pm  
Blogger Kevin Musgrove said...

If ever I have to go into hospital for anything other than visiting, I shall insist on a Etch-a-Sketch.

I should insist on one for visiting hours, too.

3:46 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Great - but (predictably) I'd prefer my heroin on toast and marmalade.

You have now reminded me of my greatest failure in life.
I never could get to grips with an Etch-a-Sketch.
I feel I may need to have some more confidence building exercises.

2:52 pm  
Blogger Donnw/2nz said...

I shall opt out of any procedures that do not involve transporting surgeons from the future.

No way in hell am I biting down on a piece of leather while some hungover wanker fumbles aboot in me lower abdomen lookin' for his "gawdamn" ipod.

If it's my time then so be it...they can freeze my head and store it next to Walt Disney...hopefully not-too-far down the road they will re-attach it to a young strapping physique left behind by the guillotine-crazed crowd of motivated protestors storming the Parliament buildings.

You are very brave...very brave indeed.

4:45 pm  
Blogger mago said...

This etch-a-sketch-thingy is abolutely strange. I never saw it before, it never made it in my childish hands. It reminds me, there was something where one could write or paint on a silverish surface and when you wanted it to be blanked out it was drawn sideways and the silver surface was clean again. Must have been something plastic.

10:47 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ah yes - the potential hangover of the practitioner - or the possibility of rows with partner, credit card bills or wayward children.
Be very afraid.

I used to like those - mum used them for shopping lists.
I remember a drawing toy where you attached a pencil to a contraption and then traced the other end round the design you wanted to copy.
Anyone know its name?

4:36 pm  
Blogger dinahmow said...

ziggi was probably joining me for Happy Hour. Amazing how many bloggers show up in my kitchen while I'm doing things with vegetables!
(Did the Toffees really thump MU?)

9:56 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Yes Dinah - and Chelsea the week before.
Exciting eh?

7:29 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Is this possible?

10:47 am  

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