Thursday, August 10, 2006


‘Twas Betty who took me by the hand and led me into the utility room where she sat me on her knee and initiated me into the secrets of the statcounter. Health and Safety warnings were issued. I was told it would lead to obsession, addiction and galloping paranoia. And it did. This month I appear on the cover of statcounters anonymous monthly.

As my therapy group doesn’t meet until Monday I shall ask you to ‘share’ with me………..excuse me for a moment.

Sorry about that - I just checked the stats and my latest enquiry is ‘Football teams without mackerel in there name’. I feel that the spelling of ‘there’ must hold the key to what this dear person was seeking.

Back to the problems. In
July I recorded that my blog was swamped with Joanne Lumley seekers. The bad spelling was attributed to Wyndham (who is leaving us sob sob) in a comment from early May. When he heard of this, he suggested Johanna Lumley might boost my stats.

But this had no effect. The Joanne seekers continued unabated and Google still sent them to May not July. That is, until a fortnight ago when multitudes worldwide started looking for Johanna Lumley.

So - How can these people be brave enough to ignore Google when he says ‘Did you really mean Joanna Lumley you stupid illiterate searcher?’ Why are so many folk interested in Ms Lumley of any spelling? Where were the Johanna fans going between July and now?

And … does Wayne Rooney eat red meat?



Blogger Betty said...

Visions Of Johanna Lumley - isn't that a Bob Dylan song? He wrote it after having a fling with her, you know ;)

9:40 am  
Blogger Anxious said...

Oh, the statcounter

It's a slippery slope, Kaz...

10:04 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Don't confuse me Betty - I'm sure that was Leonard Cohen and Marianne Faithful.

Anx - And I wonder what's at the bottom?
Pass me the gin.

10:57 am  
Blogger MJ said...

That tune was written for Ms. Lumley by the jilted Ken Barlow.

My fave recent search is "compulsive masturbate in park"

12:38 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

mj: As we all know Joanna starred in early Corrie.
Ken must feel miffed that no one searches for him except when prefixed by words like fat, boring, past sell by date, should move on, extinct etc.etc.
How about Ken Barlow masturbating in park?

7:18 pm  
Blogger MJ said...

That reminds me of the Deirdre/Ken/Mike three-way.
Coronation Street erotica! Warning: You'll never look at Ken Barlow the same way again.

8:02 pm  
Blogger SL said...

How do you appear on the cover of a magazine for an anonymous organisation....?

Just me that wondered that then.

Nice try on the Rooney thing. You might want to try Beckham too, now he's been axed. You'll be stat countered out!

10:08 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

mj: I see what you mean - I never thought Ken would be able to use a digital camera either!!!

sl:Lots of footy searches come to me - They also want to know why Rooney wears long sleeves and about Lou Macari's fish and chips.
Stop NOW!

11:32 pm  
Blogger Wyndham said...

Okay, okay, what about Jenna Lumley?

Hold your breath - it will happen.

11:15 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

I bet it doesn't - no one's that stupid.

8:34 am  

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