Wednesday, October 25, 2006


Fat and Fit are two very similar words.

I thought that if you avoided the first one, you were sure to be the second one automatically.

I used to be a bit chubby. In those days I was no stranger to the gym and aerobics classes. Then, thanks to a combination of trauma and Susan Powter’s fat formula, I became thin.

So for the last ten years I have assumed that I am also fit.

Not so! I realised last week that climbing hills makes me breathless. At the top of a hill I sound as though I’m successfully simulating a minor orgasm.

My circulation is so bad that my fingers go numb when I put my hand into Sainsbury’s chill cabinet to take out some low fat lettuce.

I walk a lot, but I stop a lot as well, to peer through the binoculars. I certainly never break out into a sweat. No, I’m a birdwatcher not a peeping Tom - otherwise I would break out in a sweat.

I have never been a smoker.

So, obviously I need exercise.

BUT WHAT? Shall I jog like Anx? Not flattering in a sexagenarian. Swimming’s OK, except you get wet.

At present all I can think of is to run up and down stairs a few times when everyone’s out at work.

There must be something better.

These junge dinger seem to be having fun!



Anonymous NiC said...

When I stopped working for someone else (which involved being on my feet a lot of the day) I was worried about getting un-fit so I took up running just so there was something to do every day. But I kept injuring myself (minor muscle strains and jars). A shame as I actually grew to quite like it... maybe I'll give it another go with some better bouncy shoes.

Now I just cycle everywhere I possibly can (though not downstairs). I used to swim every day but got bored of that. It's a problem, aint it?

Still on the health theme, today's word verification thing was "vtminbim" which is almost vitamin. So there you go.

5:33 pm  
Blogger The Murphmeister said...

Gyms have got very sophisticated of late Kaz...personal TV's built into the stepper machines and stuff. I think you could try that again (and who knows!).

And you could just take it easy on the walking treadmill and ogle the attractive bodies in Lycra. Although there may be something in Mr P's theory that the level of gym user attractiveness is directly proportional to the liklihood of their being gay. (Probably says more about him, i say!).

The thought of you running upstairs for an orgasm whilst everyone is at work is not really on.

6:58 pm  
Blogger Pete said...

the problem with birding is you keep stopping to look at birds. Not exactly aerobic!!

7:10 pm  
Blogger Anxious said...

Jog like Anx! You know it makes sense ;)

But seriously - running is never flattering. When I started out, the thought of anyone seeing me running horrified me. But then I figured - I'm out there, doing something about my health and fitness - who cares?

Running is certainly not for everyone, and if you are going to do it, build it up slowly (plenty of beginners' run/walk guides on the interweb - go from 0 to 5k in 10 weeks etc). So many people go and immediately run too far too soon, feel sick and injure themselves and then blame it on the running!

Though I'd say, if you can do swimming (I'm no bloody good at it and scared of it which is why I don't...), then do. It's a great all round exercise...

8:08 pm  
Blogger Heather said...

Ballet really is the best for getting into shape. Lots of places run adult classes for beginners. You get fantastic legs, waist, posture etc.

There is normally a very strict teacher, so no slacking allowed. Lessons are about 1.30 hours long. The first time I went, I wasn't glowing, I was sweating.

I'm giggling here, because it sounds a bit silly, email me if you like and I could find a class for you. Think of the fantastic blog material.

8:42 pm  
Anonymous Mrs Rine said...

How about Salsa Kaz? I'd love to have a go, and I'm sure you would be a natural. Mr P is useless - just does "Dad dancing". If only Norfolk was closer to Manchester!

8:51 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Nic: I have a bike and I like riding it - but the traffic scares me to death.

Murph: Can you watch Corrie?
No point running upstairs for an orgasm while Kev’s in Spain.

Pete: See above about attractive bodies in Lycra.
At least I’m not the sort of birder who takes a flask and packed lunch and sits in the hide all day. But birding and real fitness don’t seem to go together.

Anx: Thanks for the advice. I’m a good swimmer, but as Nic says it’s so boring and well … wetting. Maybe I will try running. I could get in the car and drive somewhere where no one knows me.

Heather: Wow, ballet now that’s a novel idea - though I did do it when I was a kid. My aerobics teacher was very ballerina like and I loved that.

Mrs Rine. Salsa - yeah! Muy Bueno! Do I get to wear a frock?
But I’d only hit the bar afterwards - hey when do we start?

9:31 pm  
Blogger stitchwort said...

People in the picture only look like they're having fun because they are professional models getting photographed - you never see anyone that good-looking in a real swimming pool. Specially if you haven't got your glasses on...

8:40 am  
Blogger Gary James said...

I tried swimming but gave it up when my new trunks leaked black dye into the pool. Well I didn't so much give it up as get sent home in shame.

Running is shit. Honestly, it's for desperate mid-life fools like me.

I have seen the future of fitness, its name is Thursday Night Bums and Tums.

7:16 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Stitchwort: Very true.
But synchronised aqua aerobics does appeal to me.
Especially with those colour coordinated balls.

Gary: Ok - I'm free on Thursday nights and there's a very good train service to Leeds.
But I haven't really got a bum or a tum - just a lack of stamina and puff!

7:45 pm  

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