Monday, September 17, 2007

Ming the Merciful

Poor old Ming Campbell - oops sorry didn’t mean to say ‘old’.

I saw him on BBC this morning at the Lib conference in Brighton. He was saying that he doesn’t mind all the ageist jokes but he isn’t very convincing. He’d much rather tell us about his Olympic successes in 1964.

Ming’s trouble is not that he’s 66, it’s that he looks like an old git and there’s not really much he can do about it.


Now that it’s illegal to be sexist or racist - what’s left apart from ageism?

Well there’s *heightism* - Kylie and I don’t mind at all. If I can’t reach my vodka from the top shelf I just ask for help ….from a woman of course. Shortarse men probably have a bad time.

There’s also *gingerism*. I don’t approve of this at all. I just hate Chris Evans because he’s crap.

Come to think of it Charles (make mine a stiff one) Kennedy is ginger isn’t he?




What’s so bad about being an alcoholic? You can always reform like Anne Robinson (also ginger) or the jazz fan (bald).

And what about that horrid Clarissa Dickson Wright (full name) Clarissa Theresa Philomena Aileen Mary Josephine Agnes Elsie Trilby Louise Esmerelda Dickson Wright ). She nearly died from drink but came back to defend hunting and make lard pies.

So I say *Bring back Chas*.

KAZ

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17 Comments:

Anonymous NiC said...

Hear, hear!

About Chris Evans I mean.

Don't mid Chaz either...maybe Ming should actually try and look a bit more like Ming the Merciless....that would surely be worth a few extra votes. "Vote Liberal Democrat for Hot Hail and the subjugation of the Hawk Men"

4:45 pm  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

'Ming The Minger' and you are certain right with Chris Evens..
Very comical Kaz;)

8:23 pm  
Blogger Murph said...

The last edition of the Word had a section on "this week's worst comebacks". They described Chris Evans return TV show as like 'like watching a man visit the grave of his dead wife'.

The Picture of Charles Kennedy is intrigueing. Why is the woman licking his finger and what in heaven's name is the bloke up to? "Make Mine a Stiff One" indeed!

9:02 am  
Blogger stitchwort said...

The Liberals have never been the same since Jeremy Thorpe.

9:29 am  
Blogger Dave said...

'Bring back Chas'. What, has he gone solo now? Why did no-one tell me?

Rabbit, rabbit.

11:07 am  
Blogger I, like the view said...

Volver is such a great film!!

I don't really have a view on -ism's. . .

apart from remembering being totally traumatised by the mental cruelty inflicted on me at the tender age of 14 by a boy who told me I ought to chop three inch sections out of my legs cos I was too tall (then having braces fitted on top and bottom teeth and shortly after seeing the BBC's version of The Life and Loves of a She Devil)

1:17 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Nic:
You should be in PR.

But your expertise on Ming the Merciless suggests a misspent youth.

Wom:
Chris Evans is a *ginger minger*.
Though I'm not quite sure what a minger is.

Murph:
In the free Daily Telegraph courtesy of Monarch Airlines - some woman journalist described spending an ecstatic hour driving up the M1 listening to the wonderful Chris Evans.
I asked for a parachute.

re the picture - You know what the lib dems are like.

Stitch:
That case was so exciting.
That's it - Ming needs to get a hat and a dog.

Any offers?

Dave:
Forget Chas - let him go solo - Kaz is a huge improvement.

View:
I must see Volver again soon.

Fay Weldon at her most excruciating.I bet you like being tall now - but it must have been hell back then.

3:40 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

baldism? That funny bloke whatsisname from the blue party? William something, he didn't get anywhere because he was bald,

and ugly come to think,

and also a tory, so my point is . . .

I think I have politicianism - is that illegal yet?

4:02 pm  
Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

Kaz.. have a look at mingers.com but don't tell anyone I told you about it, ha! and don't post any of my pictures you might come across on there. ;)

7:56 pm  
Blogger tony said...

Talking of Jeremy Thorpe........do you remember the very aged homophobic joke about "how do you sit 4 Liberals on a Stool......"? ..........

8:35 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Ziggi:
But - worst of all - he was from Yorkshire.
Countyism?

On the contrary - politicianism is compulsory.

Wom:
I found Shane MacGowan over there. So I know exactly what it means now!

Tony:
er - NO. But I would very much love to hear it.
Come to think of it I'm still waiting for a 'Muffin the Mule' joke from some other visitors to this blog.

9:14 pm  
Blogger Mopsa said...

Where is Chas now, post Cornwall train faux pas with his fags? and what were CDW's parents thinking of giving her all those names? Had they been hoping for 11 babes all in one go?

10:47 am  
Blogger Hyde DP said...

Can't say I've ever had a problem asking tall ladies to help get something down off a supermarket top-shelf [note I said supermarket - not newsagents - wouldn't want to give totally t'wrong impression]

10:52 am  
Blogger KAZ said...

Mopsa:
It's true about that name - enough to drive anyone to drink methinks.

Gerald:
Sometimes I do wonder about you Gerald!
I had trouble with the marmalade in Tesco today.

5:54 pm  
Blogger tony said...

the answer to the joke is "turn it upside down" !(apologies to any Liberals who might be reading.........trust me,it was funny @ the time.)
By the way, Im going into Manchester tommorrow.I'm going on The Big Wheel with my camera! at around 2pm,drop everything your doing.Look to the sky & wave! I might take a picture of you!

6:15 pm  
Blogger I, like the view said...

KAZ you're tagged

(blame reg pithers)

see chez moi for details (be thankful you have a very short name/blog title. . .)

9:11 pm  
Blogger KAZ said...

Tony:
I don't know any Liberals with a sense of humour.
Hope it keeps fine for you tomorrow - I'll be the one with the vodka bottle.

View:
Bloody Pither.
Watch this space.

10:45 pm  

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