I don't buy this now - but I usually get to look at the magazine section. And there's one page that's seriously getting on my nerves.
It's called *Space Solves*. It's a problem page for people without problems - an agony aunt for people who stuff mushrooms.
Gwenda of Chingford is devastated because ILVA closed down.
Is it because she feels concern for all those people who lost their jobs, perhaps had their homes taken away and their lives destroyed?
No - Not at all - Gwenda is upset because now she can't buy the desk which she'd had her eye on for some time. She "loved the surface which was hard but slightly rubberised".
Gwenda - get thee to Asda and buy one of those rubber non slip bath mats - stick it on the desk you already have or the kitchen table and Bingo.
Now shut up.
A yummy mummy from Derbyshire is looking for a (very) high chair so that yummy baby can eat at the breakfast bar. The *Space Solves* suggestions ("which will add contemporary chic to your kitchen") cost between £250 and £300.
KAZ says - why not strap the baby into one of those bouncer things from Mothercare and suspend it from the ceiling? Next?
Elsewhere - probably on the green page - someone asks 'How can you set a toaster to do only one slice of toast and save energy?'
How utterly ridiculous. Who makes up these letters? No one eats ONE slice of toast. You eat it in piles - otherwise where would you put all the marmalade.
It beats me why these types read the Guardian - don't they know it's supposed to be for pinko revolutionary bolshie barricade storming left wing feminists and their friends.
Or is it?
Not now it ain't.