Better to give than Receive

I often go walking in Tameside with friend A - the eccentric one. We just walk - there's no extreme hiking or scaling up cliffs to dizzying heights. I don't even bother to take Kendal Mint Cake or an emergency hip flask.

So why would she give me these?

Apart from looking like a prat, I'm bound to trip over them , leave them behind or tangle them up in the strap on my binoculars and strangle myself.
This hiking site calls them 'an extra pair of legs', Looks like I'm going to need advice from my pal.

Friend A takes offence readily so I'll have to take them with me - won't I?

I met up with my other friends before Christmas at Lady Penelope's place where we exchanged gifts under her glittering chandeliers. I broke the 'Don't open 'til Christmas' rule the minute I arrived home because Eileen's was a gift from my favourite shop.

This was more generous than I expected.

I feverishly peeled off the cellotape to find two Tesco crime novels!

I can always rely on Kev to buy me some recycled CDs from Sifters - the record shop immortalised by Oasis. Not very thrilling - so I found this website, placed an order and sent him the bill.

Surprise is overrated dontcha think?

KAZ

Melting Pot

I did quite a bit of my Christmas shopping at B&Q - on Wednesday of course.

I bought a solar powered garden lantern for friend A - her garden is north facing but it will suit her green beliefs.

A display of the above colour charts caught my eye. I love making hypothetical choices between 'Maraschino Mocha' and 'Garnet Symphony'.

How wonderful to see that Dulux feels confident enough to use this mixed race couple for their advertising. I wish they were in a face to face clinch - but she has got a firm grip on his tool.

Relationships involving a black male and white female have been common enough for years - but not necessarily accepted - as Miles Davis and Juliet Greco found when they left Europe for the US in the early 50s.

Remember that song originally by Blue Mink (with Madeleine Bell - Dusty's partner). Some of the words seem dodgy nowadays but I always liked the sentiments.

What we need is a great big melting pot

Big enough to take the world and all its got

Keep it stiring for a hundred years or more

Turning out coffee-colored people by the score

So how about this for 2008....

....but I suppose this is more likely

KAZ

CHRISTMAS TAG.

I fear the tag

If someone tags me I would normally tell them to 'piss awf' - but - Nora is my soul sister so here goes.

However, whereas Nora is a self confessed fan of Christmas, I am a self confessed fan of Ebeneezer Scrooge.

But I'll do my curmudgeonly best.

When people say 'Christmas' you immediately think ...
It'll soon be over.

Favourite Christmas memory
(Apart from when Kev turned up on Christmas afternoon, very drunk and carrying a large jar of pickled walnuts) is when I was given my first bicycle. Santa hid it behind the curtain - it was black and smart. My mum didn't do girly.

Favourite Christmas Movie
Wayne's World.

Favourite Christmas character

Favourite Chrismas Object/ornament

More an icon really - it has to be little Robin red breast. He looks cute but he's an aggressive beast who fights to the death to keep his territory.

Plans for Chrismas?
Mind your own business - but it will involve large quantities of fine wine with bubbles .

Is Christmas your favourite holiday?
What? When it goes dark at half past three!

Oh well go on then - Come on fellow curmudgeons - it's on its way, so let's get in the mood.

Merry Christmas Everybody

KAZ

Stronger?

On Sunday evening the celebrated Wetherfield philosopher Sarah - Louise Platt opined - 'What doesn't kill yer makes yer stronger'.

As I was driving home last night I assessed these words of wisdom.
I'd always scoffed at colleagues who rang in to say they had sciatica or lumbago. 'Haar haar - obviously lying - get out of your pit and into work you skiving bastard'.

Then one day - I bent down quickly to the washing machine and ...eeeeaaaargh.
Excruciating is too small a word to describe the pain which flashed like lightning from my back right down my left leg. For the next 2 days I screamed every time I moved. Sciatica was diagnosed. My recovery was slow and agonising.

Did it make me stronger ?
2 good things came out of it.

1: Friend C said I needed an automatic as the clutch on my Punto was very stiff. She wanted to sell hers to become lady Penelope. Although I didn't think an automatic would suit a control freak like me, I bought the old S reg blue 'onda and I just absolutely love it.

2: The lovely NHS physio designed some special (easy) exercises just for me. The side effect - I now have the bestest stomach muscles ever in my life and I've thrown away those smocks and support pants.

So Sarah - Lou had a point.
KAZ

MY LIFE

FORTIES

Went to VE day celebrations in mother’s womb.
Don’t remember a thing.

FIFTIES:

They didn’t really happen over ‘ere.
Grey war films and Doris Day…until our parents read about Elvis and locked us up

SIXTIES

Life began.
Beatles and Blackburn Rovers
Crossed Pennines to university - where there were great bands - Geno Washington, Animals, Spencer Davies, Kinks. Joe Cocker. Julie Driscoll,
Shame about the exams.

SEVENTIES:

Marriage to Jaaaaazz fan.
Back over Pennines to Manchester.
Grew taller.

Taught in inner city comprehensive
Danced a lot.
EIGHTIES:

'You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar'.
Wore shoulder pads
Worked in city centre
Met Kev

Shouted *Maggie Maggie Maggie - Out Out Out!! *- a lot.

NINETIES:

Lunatics took over my asylum
*Upstairs Downstairs* living arrangement

NEW CENTURY ETC...

Stopped work ….. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

KAZ

Going away

It was the name of Dave's blog (Mental Meanderings of an Old Man) that attracted me.

At first I made the mistake of believing his stories . When he realised that I actually thought he was a lollipop man from Clayton he was deeply offended .
Last September he took a short break but came back cheeky as ever and told us he'd been ill but was better. After a couple more posts he stopped. I popped over a few times but didn't read the comments until last week when I found a message from his daughter - Dave had died suddenly on November 17th.

It's hard to describe the shock. Although we never met I knew him well. My grief was (and is) heartfelt and genuine.

I don't know how Middy (Midnight Meanderings) found me.

At first, he blogged about life in a suit complete with PowerPoint presentations and office politics. But Middy is a soldier (the only one I 'know') and soon came the call to arms.

He has bravely kept his blog going from Afghanistan via e mail and the portaloo internet facilities. Life out there sounds horrendous - but he tells it all with humour.
Middy is a womaniser - a bit macho but definitely in touch with his feminine side. He's been missing his pussy (see pic) while overseas.

He'll soon be coming home for some Christmas leave.

No comments here today - thought you might like to go over here and wish him Bon voyage and Bon Noel.

And you lot over there in my blogroll....Just bloody well look after yourselves - OK!

KAZ

A HANDBAG??!!??

I recently arrived home to discover I'd left my bag in Sainsbury's car park. After driving back in a blind panic I reached the customer service desk in a panting heap .

Kaz: - has anyone handed in a bag?

Young Sainsbury's Assistant: Is it a designer bag madam?

K: It's a little black one

YSA: Yeah - but is it 'designer'

K: (after much thought) - No -

YSA: Had it any labels on it?

K: It's from 'River island'.......

Giving me up as a lost cause, she took out a book in which was written a list of every single item she had found in my bag. Right down to the bit of used chewing gum wrapped in the bit of used tissue.

After a lengthy interrogation, she put the Anglepoise lamp away and gave me my bag complete with cash and cards.


So when did the words 'designer' and 'bag' become welded together?

Even Sunday's 'Observer Woman' described 2007 as 'The Year our Handbag Habit got out of Control'.

The monstrosity above is 'The £23,000 Louis Vuitton Tribute Bag' as favoured by Beyoncé .

Agyness (the new Kate Moss) prefers Mulberry at £895. Agyness comes from Ramsbottom.

Posh loves 'Oscar de la Renta Larrabee' at a mere $3895.

OK - You might say - what do you expect from the inhabitants of *Heat* magazine? The celebs get the handbags for nothing. Armani and Donatella get the publicity and the punters flash their credit cards on the way to bankruptcy and ruin.

But Tessa Jowell (Chloe over £500).....

and Jaqui Smith (Mulberry £590) ....are members of the Labour party

Perhaps socialism is a bit out of date - but shouldn’t these women be letting us know that they care about social justice, ordinary people and the disadvantaged?

Have a good quality handbag by all means Jaqui but not one that flaunts a conspicuous consumption logo. It's just giving out the wrong signs to the Labour supporters who voted you in.

KAZ

Smith - Smythe - Smith

My name is Kaz Jazz Fan (Ms or Mrs)

Unlike Betty I didn't keep my maiden name - it was just too complicated in a time when we still had Harold Wilson, they'd just elected Nixon and 'Major Tom' was still on the ground.

Changing names can be traumatic for a woman - Margaret Sandra decided to drop her surname altogether and found it nearly impossible.

It often seems that surnames aren't an issue until the couple has issue.

When teaching in the inner city, I was astonished to see a Gareth Prescott - Hutchinson on my tutor group list. Would he be like Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen or Tiggi Leg - Bourke?

Gareth turned out to be a likeable, dozy kid from Gorton whose parents just couldn't agree on a surname.

Nancy Banks - Smith said of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall ... "He will kill and eat anything that is not actually running for a bus". Nancy (the one who writes the witty Corrie reviews for the Grauniad) is far from posh. I remember her writing about her dad (or grandad) who was a dustman.

There are some couples who should never be tempted to hyphenate.

And there's more here. KAZ

No Verbal Acuities.

I just love Jeff Bridges in films like 'Arlington Rd' and especially 'The Fantabulous Baker Boys' with his brother and the gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer.

There's also The Big Lebowski - a cult if ever there was one.

Haven't got around to seeing it yet???

Don't worry here's the short version "without all the verbal acuities".
Thanks to growabrain

Oh and it's NSFW - I always wanted to write that.

HERE it is.

KAZ