PAXO

Is it Easter yet?

Looks like it must be - as I've seen lots of chocolate eggs, bunnies, chics and PAXO.


Before my idling days I had to check out the date of Easter as early as Boxing day.
It was essential to plan a holiday to escape the drizzle.

I have spent Easter in Freezing Fuengirola, Hurricane hit Heraklian and there was that Tornado in Torremolinos.

Don't ask about Lanzarote.

But, this Easter, I shall not Be Queuing at B and Q, getting my kicks on the M66 or joining the locals up Rivington Pike.



The venues in the Saturday Guardian '100 Things for Kids to do' will be avoided and the Costas will thrill to Ryanair mobs without me.

Kev and I will share a CD and a pizza - here's one I made earlier.



KAZ

Groovy

I woke up on Friday to find a black smudge underneath my eyebrow.
I've asked Kate to model it for me (above).

Probably mascara - I thought - so I scrubbed away with soap and water to no avail until a look in the magnifying mirror confirmed a wrinkle.

Now, for a woman who watched the first episode of Coronation Street, this comes as no surprise. By the time Factor 35 was invented it was too late for me and I always preferred Poyfilla to prevention anyway.

But I thought that wrinkles were caused by facial expression. You know like laughter lines and frown lines. So how did that deep longitudinal groove appear just there?

Would any of these emotions have caused it?

Anyone else remember Five Boys choc?

Done Fadeaway couldn't be on the Five Boys wrapper could she?

Her hands tell the full story.

I remember her as the most beautiful creature on the planet in Bonnie and Clyde?

So - no Botox for KAZ.

But I might try this.
KAZ

You Send me

'50 original gems - The Roots of Soul' a double CD from FOPP costing £3 which Kev brought home as a gift for Kaz.

Tight? Kev?

As it was playing, he Googled Sam Cooke.

Then he asked ...

'Kaz .... er .... Had your Sam Cooke got long blonde hair and an impressive chest?'

'Yes to the hair, but her chest was pretty average'.

He showed me the picture which I compared with my snap taken in 2005.


KAZ's photo - click to check it's Sam.

And Yes! It's the same person - before enhancement.

My Sam Cooke was Samantha. She spent three years in my A level Chemistry class. Her brain was spot on, her attitude wasn't.

But I liked her. Even when totally outrageously in the wrong she made me laugh. Even when her lateness was unforgivable we were entertained by her repartee and great outfits.

Sam usually did her prac. with a dopey lad called Dave. No one understood my Sam and Dave 'Hold on I'm coming' jokes.

So my Sam Cooke has done well for herself - Page three girl, cover of NUTZ, FHM, Loaded etc.. She's even talking politics.

Obviously with my immaculate feminist credentials I have difficulty with this.



But hey - Several of my students have done well but they never had their own calendar.

Here's the real thing.


KAZ

PINK

Last week I visited the retail paradise that is Crown Point North. Do you remember? It's the one where you can drive your car up, park outside River Island and walk right in. And there's H&M and TK Maxx next door.

But I was in (non food) Tesco trying on blokes' hats which had been slashed in price.

I was trying on one like this .....

.... when I noticed a young woman standing on my left trying to speak into my deaf(ish) ear which was completely covered by the ear flap.

She was showing me a baby pram suit a bit like the one in the picture but with only one teddy.

Gradually I realised to my astonishment that she was asking MY opinion - on baby clothes ??!!

Did I think it looked boyish ?

Thinking that she was worried about her little boy looking a bit soft, I reassured her that it was a neutral colour and would look fine on either a boy or a girl. Looking unconvinced, she showed me inside the pram. It was 100% pink with pink toys, pink pillows and pink bedding. The child was in pink with a pink ribbon in her non existent hair.

'I don't want anyone to think she's a boy' she said anxiously.

The poor young woman has been brainwashed.

This is NEXT in Manchester.

This is Jordan's daughter Princess Tiaamii.


We are going back to the bad old days.


click to big
KAZ