childless women

A few years ago I had this conversation with a student in my A level Chemistry group.

Student: Kaz - Have you any kids?’
Me : No.
Student: (in disbelief): What – none at all?

In the seventies we were more concerned with avoiding pregnancy. Now it seems to be illegal not to have at least one token sprog like Kate Moss, Liz Hurley or SJP. Our Royal family Tony and Cherie set a wonderful example.
However, have you noticed that all these role models do not exactly seem to spend a lot of time with their little darlings?
Today we heard from the German family minister Ms Ursula van der Leyen who has SEVEN children. This woman works in Berlin whilst superhubby stays home in Hanover and changes nappies. And she has the brass neck to criticise German women for not breeding. It beggars belief.
It seems that 30% of women and 40% of female university graduates just couldn’t be bothered.

I think it should be compulsory to read ‘We need to talk about Kevin’ before contemplating pregnancy. It’s by Lionel Shriver who is a woman. Don’t they know about girls’ names in the States?

Thank goodness for chaps like Rod Stewart who are still breeding for Britain.
Click here for previous post.
No regrets
KAZ

Anti wrinkle

I’ve never liked putting stuff on my face except (of course) loads of make up. Face creams and moisturisers are about as appealing as perfumed lard.

In the sixties we all had black Cleopatra eyes, white lipstick and thick foundation (Sheer Genius by Max Factor in ‘Tempting Touch’).
In 1968 I got married to Rob in a white mini skirt wearing 3 (yes THREE) pairs of false eyelashes.
Pete Burns eat your heart out.

So you have to realise that it is really very hard for me to tell you this - but I’m going to try some anti wrinkle cream. I DID NOT BUY IT – it was free with a magazine subscription. It’s Roc without Boswelox. It’s not cheap stuff.
I‘ll do an experiment because I used to be a scientist. Kev will take before and after photos
It says it will fill the wrinkles from inside. Bollocks. At least polyfilla works.
Still it’s free.
I’ll tell you how I get on.
Wish me luck I need it
KAZ

COCK and BULL STORY

Kev and I had an excellent weekend and its only Sat’day aft!
Fri evening we went to see ‘A Cock and Bull Story’.
Did we like it? Definitely yes – It doesn’t really make you laugh out loud, but it’s very funny and original in a low key way. Coogan and Bryden are absolutely wonderful together – I love Coogan’s deadpan delivery in his flat Manc voice. The scene in the garden with Bryden and the superb Gillian Anderson was truly fab and should win an award. The Guardian review talks about the meta textual level. What???

Later, we went to Zinc to eat. Sitting in the corner with 2 footballing chaps and a very attractive woman was Kev’s hero Peter Reid – ex Everton, England and Man city manager. He had been partying for quite while, but was still able to treat Kev’s sycophantic greeting with dignity.
Today we watched the lunchtime match on telly in Wetherspoons.

Everton 1 Arsenal 0.

There is a God.
K in best mood now.
Watch out for a row tomorrow when withdrawal sets in.

Anyone seen Cock and Bull what do you think?

KAZ

Drop a Dress size

Before Christmas every magazine had ‘Drop a dress size’ on its cover. After Christmas, it changed to ‘Lose a stone in your lunch hour’ or some such crap!
10ish years ago, I had what Eileen calls my trauma (yes Kev was implicated) when chubby Kaz became slim.
Suddenly I could wear the clothes I was too old for. Ironic eh?
Anyway, I got over it, and the weight started piling back on. Susan Powter ( see pic) came to my rescue. Her 1994 book ‘Stop the Insanity’ changed my life. She looks like a slapper, but she’s intelligent, political and scientific.
Eat low fat. This means doing the fat formula.
Look at the label.
Multiply the kcal from fat by 10. If this comes to more than one third of the total no of kcal then don’t eat it. If it’s less go ahead. Ignore any of the claims on the label.
Move about a bit as well and you won’t gain weight. Make this a lifetime habit like I did.
KAZ

ENNUI

Ennui
That’s the name of this painting by Walter Sickert*.
I used to have a chest just like this ... (of drawers that is – I have no other chest to speak of!)
We’ve all had these feelings– especially on January 6th in a small flat in the North West of England. We expect it to go dark at 4.30, but today it never really got light. It’s not really boredom, more like depression, melancholy, loneliness – just a general low feeling.
But hey …. the solstice was 21st December so the days must be getting longer even though it doesn’t seem like it.
I used to think I was glum cos of work, but now I have no excuse

So – walk to the shop, get a paper and do the crossword..
Go to the library and get a crime novel. Fictional killings are always good to cheer you up.
Even if you can’t face a swim, the local pool may have a steam room
Oh go on then , have some chocolate if you really must, but make it the dark stuff cos it’s officially good for you

Don’t hit the bottle til after six

KAZ
* Yes some did think he was Jack the Ripper

OLD DADS

Rod Stewart and I have 2 things in common:
1: We have the same hairstyle
2: We are both 60 years old.
However, I have not recently become the parent of a new baby.

Amazingly Rod’s latest sprog turned up just in time to promote the latest album release.
Superdad was there at the birth in the hospital – he probably popped in to top up the BOTOX on the way out.

And what about Julio’s dad/Enrique’s grandad? Is he 90?


My dad was 21 years older than my mum. He was 48 when I was born and he was wonderful. He died in 1968. Mum was a widow for 35 years.
Do you think Penny Lancaster would be bovvered??

Do you remember Rod the mod when he was skinny and georgeous? I loved him then.

Resolutions

KAZ
Maintain constant weight
Be a free spirit
Don’t look out of the window before leaving the house to avoid having to speak to people
Make appointments with dentist, doctor, optician, bank manager, hairdresser, solicitor
Put up a shelf

KEV
Be very very very nice to my wonderful girlfriend
Drink enough for one person who drinks too much rather than a small town that drinks too much

I shall now print Kev’s list out and take it to him

Insert ear plugs and stand back

Happy new year

KAZ