POSH Night Out

Eileen hit the big *six oh* on Friday - so we were in town for some serious senior binge drinking.

She said we were 'going posh' so I made the effort.

Time to wear my new cream suede docs, the skinny white trousers from Primark and my chic River Island mac.

But when we met up I saw it was 'frocks r us' so I felt I had let the side down.

I observed that Lesley looked like Miranda Richardson as Queen Elizabeth the first.


She replied that I looked like Baldrick - which wasn't really very nice was it?


Anyway, 'posh' turned out to be the 'Free Trade Hall'.
That was where we went to the NUT strike rallies, to watch the Ali band or see early gigs by the fabulous Buzzcocks.

However, like most of the famous old Manchester buildings, it is now a posh hotel and bar ( The Radisson Edwardian Manchester Hotel). Leanne and Carla were drinking in there on last night's Corrie.


Later we ate at a Portuguese restaurant. It got a poor review in 'The Observer' but we thought it was OK.


I look for signs in my mates.


Eileen is getting seriously forgetful.
Lesley keeps saying 'my husband and I'.
The other two are fine but getting broader by the day and I fear the 'leg at each corner' syndrome is not far away.

Strange 'cos Norma ran the Manchester 10k on 18th May.

I thought I was looking good in comparison.........
...until I downloaded the photos.
KAZ

Early Influences

WARNING!

This post contans OLD STUFF

When I was little (er young about 4) there was no telly. Well not oop north anyway.
When Telly finally arrived there was *only one in the village*.

Andy Pandy was the programme to see - so I had to walk up t' hill after school with mum and my pal Patsy Fairbrother .

Time to go home

Time to go home

Andy is waving goodbye
Goodbye

Andy Pandy grew up to became the singer with XTC

But I much preferred 'The Flower Pot Men'. It was a weird programme - you had no idea what they were on about.

flobbadob

On Saturday's 'Seven Ages of Rock' Peter Gabriel said 'Weed' was a big influence.

By the time Muffin the Mule was all the rage we had a telly.
I went straight from Muffin to Elvis which probably explains a lot.

However, the biggest early TV revelation was 'Old films'. These days we can see every film that was ever released on Video, DVD or TV. In my childhood It seemed like magic that I could go back in time and see the old movies that my granny loved.

Strangely enough, my young mates and I were amazed and obsessed by Victor Mature. Unfortunately, we didn't resemble his name as we called him Victor Manure.
Even at that early age I knew that you didn't do Samson with a roll of flab round your middle.

He was larger that life. Like a model for the Thunderbirds carved out of a block of foam, or a prototype for a Spitting Image character.

His face repelled and attracted me - a bit sexy, a bit pervy and a lot scary.

It's a wonder I grew up normal.

What's that you said?

KAZ

Goggle images

Have you ever asked Google for an image of Helen Mirren?
Probably not - if you did you'd find this:

OK - you know I like it.

Underneath it says B@pwatch - but clicking brings you here. It's slipped to page 14 by now.

Google also thinks this is Helen:

and this:Is this Helen's diet? I don't think someone's quite got the hang of *global warming*

This is a scene from 'The painted Veil' which Eileen and I saw last week. Edward Norton is wonderful


Google also gave me a pic of Emma Peel. She played a very very wrinkly nun in 'The painted Veil' - Ah well it'll happen to Keira Knightly one day.

Sometimes Google isn't so clever - eh?

KAZ

SIGN of the DOG

I'm a bit worried about Barbie - what on earth is her dog eating?

Meanwhile - back in the park - the local control freaks think they can organise the dogs.

No this doesn't mean Dogging zones. A thorough search resulted in disappointment.

We're all 'sin plombo' in Manchester.

The green exercise zone is always totally deserted.

Red, amber or green - no one has a clue what it's all about - even the dogs. They just chase the Canada geese round the pond as always.

I like this one that *I like the view* sent to Murph.

But British Waterways seem to be more worried about what the owners might do.

Elsewhere, remember that, although cats always land the right way up, dogs don't.

KAZ

Greys over Sands

This week I slept with my ex husband.

No - don’t be daft!

I was on his couch covered with 2 coats and he was in his bed recovering from a hernia op.

Why the jaaaaz fan lives here now is a mystery. It’s the place where your gran goes to visit her grandad. The local shop is well stocked with cards for your 100th birthday and there’s no shortage of am dram, tea shoppes and tea dances.

But, it's a lovely place and the railway station is stunning.

The eccentric bloke on the corner isn't satisfied with gnomes in his garden.

Rob owns a lovely 3 bed house in Grange over Sands, but after his drinking crisis he did the decent thing and moved out.

He now lives in an attic flat. You climb up the fire escape open the door and expect to see Adrian Edmonson and Neil the hippy.

The bathroom is a biology project.

We had luch at the Hazlemere café. It will soon be famous according to this notice.

If you watch BBC2 tonight please tell me about it as I’m off into Manchester this evening to find some excitement.

KAZ

Incineration

After reading this headline in the METRO, I began to consider the benefits of being a shortarse.

As you know by now, I am flat, thin and short.

Just a tiny bit shorter than Kylie, but every bit as cute in a shabby, swotty, bag lady, blue stockinged, wrinkled, elderly ex science teacher sort of way.

I'm about the same height as Dolly - though there the resemblance most definitely ends.

When I played Patsy, I had to wear very high heels and pile up my hair on top.

I can't do much about flat - but thin is maintained by avoiding chips, biscuits, burgers and cakes. I stick to the Sauvignon and avoid the 'Old Peculiar' especially when he's playing his guitar.

If airlines drew up a careful seating plan they could put an obese person in the seat next to me with no trouble...unless of course s/he tried to engage me in conversation.

My clothes take less cotton or polyester and give off less CO₂ when they burn.

A physicist using the equation H = mcΔT will tell you that it takes less energy to warm me up.

So - How about lower taxes for people like Kaz and Kylie?

KAZ

UNITS!

So - It looks like Eminem won't need to alter the title of his film.

On Wednesday Brussels told us we could save the mile, pound, ounce, bushel, furlong ...

I don't approve.

Science teachers are obsessed by units. In an exam you can do a dead hard calculation and get the correct answer only to be awarded a fat zero if you forget the units. Not fair is it?

The Physicists are really sorted with their si units.
Length is always in metres (centimetres not allowed) mass in kg (no not grams) and time in seconds only.

Rently these 'handcrafted. signs went up along the famous Tameside canal.


Hope you didn't think that the WC is 1 metre away? Oops!

Close by there is rusty old sign referring to metres. Come to think of it - if you started digging 9 metres away would you notice this notice?

Ireland gives units:

Oz too:

Italy doesn't:

By coincidence I was in IKEA (also in Tameside) this afternoon and noticed they are introducing inches for the first time. WHY?

I bought some lights on strings 39 1/4 '' long.

And what about this?

KAZ

Drip

To quote the much missed Kirsty McColl '''I hate fucking folk music.''
You may recall that Kirsty was the daughter of Ewan McColl the purist old style folk singer.

So, one BIG advantage of Kev's long stay in Spain is that ....

... is not playing the guitar upstairs.

Early this morning I received the daily - RUOK/What's the weather like?/ Roger and out - phone call from Spain. I tried not to sound too elated by the news that it was raining in Catalunya.

Then I went to the bathroom and saw water dripping through my ceiling - obviously coming from Kev's empty flat upstairs.

Fortunately, I have Kev's key - so that I can care for 'mum's plant'. His mother died 12 years ago but the plant (weeping fig) is still going strong.

On entering Kev's bathroom I see that his ceiling is bubbling and the foor is - well - swimming.

Ian lives above Kev.

If Ian should decide to sell up, I suppose his flat would be described in 'Estate agent speak' as a penthouse. But he won't move because he'd have to relocate all his brownish straggly plants from the windowsill. I think he was smoking some of them last night because he took ages to answer the phone this morning.

He finally did and grunted that he'd get back to me.

He didn't.

I sat and seethed. I had plans for this morning - NO not Top Shop....there was River Island as well

So I decided to have my bath. It was like having a bath and a shower at the same time.

Eventually, Ian rang back. He told me (with numerous apologies) that he'd placed a bucket in a crucial position and that his brother was a plumber.

Shame about Kev's ceiling.

Now - How shall I break the news when I get the next call? Should I be sympathetic, angry or icy cold?
KAZ

One love - for the Mother's Pride

This is how we like to remember dearest Dusty.

So I was rather surprised to come across this advert the other day.

By coincidence, I mentioned Mother's Pride in a recent post.

Some people feed it to the mullards (sic).

That sort of bread isn't real bread. It's made by the Chorleywood process - that's not real Chorley either but some place in the deep south.

There's a a campaign to bring back real bread .

I'll support that

Sorry Dusty - I won't eat your bread, but I still love your singing and your eye liner.

Have a good bank hol.

KAZ

Wheelie Bin

As I was saying to Geoff this afternoon, I was surprised to see this sticker brazenly displayed in a car window.

On closer inspection the car was also well decorated at the front

and the back - What does *Crawley innit* mean?

So I'll be off to the Polling Station tomorrow and YES - of course I'll vote Labour.

The Lib Dems will probably get in. They even ousted our *safe* Labour MP at the general election.

2 reasons for their popularity:

1:The density of students (in the local population that is, I don't know about their intelligence) who obviously don't want to pay tuition fees.

2: The Libs love wheelie bins. Their pledge is to provide us with bigger ones and more of them.

How do you recycle a WHEELIE BIN?

The Green Lady is called Felicity - not much for her to do now that we're all green.

The Labour chap is called Mr Simcock. His leaflet blames the Tories for everything.

Tories in Manchester??

KAZ