English

It's so good to be home - sometimes I feel proud to be English.

But I can't always remember why.

However, a chance hit on a blog written by a Catalan student reminded me.

Adrià had been enjoying a visit to London. Had he been excited by our eclectic style, the most celebrated popular music in the universe, Buckingham Palace or Tate Modern?

OH NO!

He was euphoric about The Full English Breakfast. Previously, he had only drooled over photographs....he writes.....

'It’s a thousand times better when you see it, when you smell it and when you sample it.'

OH YES!

I may not have eaten anything that looked over a fence since 1979, but I'll never forget the delights of bacon, egg, sausage, beans, black pudding, fried bread ....... (sighs longingly)

The fry up can provide 1000 calories or more.

On the same day I discovered that Britain can now boast The World's Fattest Man.

Paul Mason weighs in at 70 stone (980 lbs). To put that into context, Cyril Smith (ex Rochdale MP) at his heaviest weighed a mere 29 stone 12 pounds.

I think I'll stick with the usual.
KAZ

Coming Home?

'Kev'... says I ... 'Do you think anyone would notice if we didn't go home?'

I do wonder.

e mail keeps me in touch with Lady Penelope, Norma (in India with her sikh) and Jan.

I hd a cpl of txts on my bthdy

I'll tell you about Friend A (not good) in a future post.

I hope someone has sorted out Eileen with digital TV and electric light. She knows where I am but has probably forgotten (I worry about her).

My bills are all settled by direct debit. People in the flats are used to our absence and the cousin in Marple won't be too astounded that I forgot his birthday.

I don't know about Kev - but I hear they have a new act at the folk club.

Sometimes I think YOU are the only ones who would notice if I just disappeared.

***********

Wasn't Penelope Cruz marvellous in that film?

So - Seeya in Manchester on Monday evening.
KAZ

Teach yourself

I'm seeing a lot of this flag about. It supports Independence for Catalunya.

They are obviously on the path to World Domination - so it's about time you learned the language. I pick up most of it from looking at signs.

You remember what germans means.
You've seen this one already:


Don't forget the dot in the middle of the double L (below). It's compulsory.
click pic to see the dot. Do they sell HobNobs here?

Ous Ferrat anyone?

ous =egg
x = sh or ch as in xampú and xocolata

Watch your cotxes

Sorry Oz and Lily.

Is this any better?

It isn't vinegar - but at that price it might taste the same?


Use of Catalan vocabulary in comments box will be welcome - but not essential.
KAZ

Damn Statistics!

The dreaded Tramuntana is back.

Photo from Kaz's window - Tramuntana cloud

So I spent Tuesday afternoon netloafing (terminology via Rog).
This caught my eye:

'Chemistry is the easiest subject at GCSE (with Physics a close second) and Media Studies is the most difficult. The pass rate data proves it.'

Surely this is bollocks - but WHY?

Most school students don't do Chemistry GCSE - they do GCSE Science (a mixture). Students who take Chemistry as a separate subject usually go to independent schools and are cherry picked. Hence the fabulous success rate.

This means most students from comprehensive schools have a lot of catching up to do when they start A level Chemistry at college.


GCSE Chemistry is rubbish now. It's all mole calculations, bonding, melting points, blast furnace, rocks, crude oil, solubility, recycling - all writing and learning.

Students are lucky if they see a test tube (with pretty colours, fizzing and smelly gases) once a term.

Health and Safety and lack of funding are to blame for this.



They'd get more fun in the kitchen.

This is what it should be like :


KAZ

Wimp

NOTE UPDATE in Comments.

I am a wimp, a drip, a wuss, a scaredy cat and a coward.

We can't find any birds in our usual habitats, so my unelected team leader (the one with the map reading skills) decided we should hike out into unknown parts.

This involved walking across a ............ rickety bridge ........ it wasn't traditionally scary like those on 'Indiana Jones' or 'I'm a Celebrity'.

It bore no resemblance to these either.

It was well built. But - there were gaps between the planks, it was high above a very wide, deep river and it squeaked alarmingly every time you put your foot down. But, I realised I was being pathetic as I saw women with big bottoms ride cheerfully past me on their bicycles.


I made it to the other side whereupon I hyperventilated, collapsed in an untidy heap and declared I could not go back.

So Vasco de Gama consulted his map and planned our return via route B.

This passed through a rather posh camp site where red breasted Nederlanders were reclining in various states of deshabille.

We got some suspicious looks as we trudged past with our boots and bins.

And I don't think this helped.

Then through the sewage works where my complaint was a bit of an advantage.

Later we faced a deep wide puddle. So we carried logs from a nearby field and built our own bridge. Just like 'The Famous Five'.

This was immensely enjoyable and made me long for "lashings of ginger beer".

So we rushed back to bar Platja in plenty of time to get pixelated.


KAZ

Figs

Yesterday I learned to love a fig.

What a sweet, luscious, juicy fruit it is.

Unfortunately, I over indulged and there are side effects - but it was worth it.

I recalled that D.H. Lawrence (Dirty Herbert to his friends) wrote a poem about figs.

I think he also wrote one about a banana - but I can't find it.

The last fruit I learned to love was a Kiwi but I'm bored with those.

I could never take to a mango.

I wonder what's next.

KAZ

meme

Here's that meme for Ms Roses.

1) My mother once: married my father
2) Never in my life: have I or would I vote Tory
3) When I was five: I sat on Muffin the Mule
4) High school was a: wonderful opportunity to misbehave
5) I will never forget: meeting Kev backstage at the staff panto.
6) I once met: Jason Orange (in my lab).
7) There's this person I know who: likes me (a bit)
8) Once, at a bar: I drank a low calorie tonic water
9) By noon I'm usually: Out
10) Last night I: watched Jethro (NCIS) in Catalan
11) If only I had: Talent.
12) Next time I go to church/temple: will probably be for a funeral (not mine)
13) Terri Schiavo: is someone I googled.
14) I like: Toast and Marmalade
15) When I turn my head left, I see: The Catalan Plumbers.
16) When I turn my head right, I see: Kev watching Everton play live in Mensk on an Iraqi website*.
17) You know I'm lying when: I give too much detail
18) In junior school: I discovered boys
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I would be a spear carrier
20) By this time next year I: will be a year older
21) A better name for me would be:. Dave ... or BBC 2
22) I have a hard time understanding that Rog isn't really a dog..
23) If I ever go back to school, I'll: be a cleaner
24) You know I like you if: I relax
25) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: Geoff - who keeps me cheerful.
26) I hope that: Vicus stays angry
27) Take my advice: Don't visit MJ on a Friday
28) My ideal breakfast is: see no 14
29) A song I love but do not have is: Womack and Womack (Teardrops)
30) If you visit my home town, I suggest: You go on t' Flat Iron
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips and track stars: ?? Where did you get this meme??
32) Why won't anyone: find big, rich, hunky blokes for Scarlet and Roses (only if they want them of course)
33) If you spend the night at my house: you'd have to: bring your own sandwiches
34) I'd stop my wedding: before it started
35) The world could do without: David Cameron.
36) I'd rather lick the belly of a roach than: vote Tory
37) My favourite thing is: See no14.
38) Paper clips are more useful than: a stapler with no staples.
39) And by the way: Did you know that NiC was my first?
40) The last time I was (really) drunk: the day before I learned self control
41) My grandmother always: went to Blackpool for her hols.

*Last night - we won!



KAZ

Green Garbage

How many new tee shirts do you buy each year?

According to an article I read yesterday on the back of a completed (not by me) sudoku (medium difficulty) it should be four whereas the average is seven. Oh and they should be made from polyester (ugh) or some man made (sic) fibre rather than wool or cotton.

Those wicked natural fibres have a higher green house gas footprint of more than 20 times their weight.

Which dickhead works out this stuff - can we see your data and check your calculations please?

And it’s a good thing you aren’t taking GCSE Chemistry Mr Clever Dick because answers to questions about synthetic v natural fibres must use the terms ‘non biodegradable’ and ‘non renewable’ materials e.g. oil (2 marks).

And if you were in my class you wouldn’t be able to say ‘man made’ because sexist language was not allowed.

Whilst wearing your sweaty polyester tee shirt which you haven’t washed because you only have 3 others and using the washing machine uses too much water and energy you may be tempted to read the daily paper.

Guess what - the Guardian says that’s OK because they print on the recycled stuff.

Surprisingly - they didn’t suggest reading it on line.
KAZ