KAZ does music!

Top of the POPS on Christmas day - Haven’t watched it for years.

I decided to stick with it for educational reasons.

I’ve been a music addict for all my life.

It started under the covers with an ancient trannie listening to Luxembourg, then reel to reel tape for Elvis (that’s me in the photo). The Beatles, Howlin’ Wolf and co were on vinyl. My regulars were Jimi, The Who, Led Zep, Sex Pistols, Elvis Costello, Graham Parker, Talking Heads - you get the picture.

I’m the one Sandy Thom wanted to be.

In the seventies I really tried (but failed) to become a Jaaazz fan to save my marriage.

I fell in love with opera in the nineties, came back to Oasis and then got terminally confused by Arctic Monkeys, Kaiser Chiefs, Franz Ferdinand Snow Patrol etc.

The plot is well and truly lost.

Is it too late to catch up? Is it worth it? Can I be bothered? Where do I start? Shall I just take out the UB40, Bowie and Sweet soul music … again … or make the effort and update to 2007. Any advice?

Best Christmas telly by several miles? It had to be Christmas Corrie.

David the devil’s child discovered that his mother had tried to abort him. As any mother would, Gail reassured him at great length that she had never for a second regretted giving birth and loved him dearly .. as her nose grew longer and longer.

Great script, great acting and great plot.
KAZ

Happy Holiday

Have a HAPPY:

Winterval (Summerval down under), Dong zhi , Mondranect, Hanukkah, Saturnalia, Christmas, Chrismukka, Kwanzaa, Karachun, Festivius, Natalis Solis Invicti, Yuletide or Christmahanukwanzaka

(I ‘m too late for Rohatsu and Diwali)

Or any other secular or non secular inclusive festival of your choice.

Seeya soon.
Love
KAZ X

Annual Task

Thank God! It’s over and done with for another year.
Now I can relax and enjoy the remaining 13 days of 2006

Why is it such a big deal? Why am I tense and bad tempered for days before I finally get around to it?

It only involves a visit to Oxfam (very convenient because I buy my clothes there as well), finding the ‘list’, buying some stamps, searching for addresses on bits of paper all over the place, writing insincere messages, licking the envelopes and sticking the stamps. And thank you Royal Mail for their self adhesiveness.

I don’t mind giving cards to my mates. I always see them at this time of year and we do it in the flesh.

Top of the depressing ‘list’ are ‘relatives’ - e.g. cousins in Cheshire and Chingford (is that ‘down South’?) Then there’s the ex colleagues - they never seem to be the ones you got pissed with or collapsed into helpless giggles with during staff meetings.

It’s always the worthy types who send Christmas cards.

A few of my mum’s old friends are there as well. They are probably dead by now but no one would bother to tell me.

Perhaps my problem (like most problems) goes back to childhood. Writing the Christmas cards was my dad’s responsibility.

It was his only responsibility.

He usually carried out the task on a Sunday afternoon. Throughout the day mum would be nice to him - which was very unusual. She would even give him a few of her ‘Capstan Full Strength’ and pour him a seasonal glass of ‘Warninks advocat’.

He sat at the table with his flourishing fountain pen and vellum address book. I looked on in fascination as the pile of cards grew enormous.

I was fascinated by some of the names of the recipients. Two sisters were called Aileen and Neelia. I was told that Neelia was given her unusual name by reversing that of her elder sister. Very odd!

Since then I have always reversed names to see if it works and it usually doesn’t!

However, I read recently that some rock star reversed the word ‘heaven’ and called his daughter ‘Nevaeh’ and it’s now the 70th most popular baby name in the US.

Ah well!
ZAK

Wasted on the Kids

It'll soon be Saturday again.

So here’s another ‘no bugger’ post.

When I was a kid one of my favourite things was a cardboard doll with a wardrobe of paper clothes with tabs on the shoulders. I used to trace round the doll and design new outfits. Sigh!

Well it was either that or playing with the empty beer bottles in the scullery.

So I was delighted to read in last month’s ‘Webuser’ magazine about this brilliant site. It’s far too good for kids.

You click on the garment in the wardrobe and drag it across to the star.

You can start with Britney and then you might like A SURPRISE

Camilla’s there somewhere.

KAZ

Miscellaneous UPDATES

So no new fans for Ginger then!

‘Toss the Twat’ T shirts and mugs available soon.

As promised in the comments box, I sent an e mail to Stuart Maconie on Sat morning. It directed him to the post and the comments in particular.

So far only an automated reply - BUT statcounter recorded two separate visits from the BBC. Then - on his afternoon show he played ‘All along the Watchtower’. Uninterrupted of course.

OK - so it was probably coincidence but I like to think it was just for ME.

Sorting out my old papers today, I came across a Guardian article (8th Sept) listing some bizarre Christmas presents. It included my Big Maoi Tissue dispenser that was such a hit in ‘Kaz helps you out’.

The article was by ‘Anna Pickard’ whose fabulous blog is ‘Little red Boat’. Sorry Anna - I didn’t copy. Just ‘cos I buy the Guardian doesn’t mean I actually read it.

In July, I pointed out (maiow) that Madonna always wears long sleeves. Was she hiding flabby arms? According to the Daily Mail (no I do not read it) she’s found a solution to the problem.

Or could they have photoshopped on a bit of Arnie?

The Happy ending got even happier. According to yesterday’s Metro ‘TakeThat’ are now top of all FIVE available charts (including downloads). This is apparently unprecedented in chart history.

OK - so you couldn’t give a toss!

Atters, Macca and Morrisey are fighting it out for the Living Idol. None of my faves is left - shows what I know.

Kev?? We need to talk again…..soon!
KAZ

Grrrr!

Driving home last night my mind was far away in a different place - like it always is when driving a lethal weapon along a busy wet main road in the semi darkness - when Steve Wright turned into Chris Evans!

To make things worse, Evans was on some sort of horrendous roadshow where the miserable inhabitants were packed into the local pub and forced at knifepoint to join in the hysterical jollifications.

But, just as my hand reached over to turn off, I heard the supreme sounds of the intro to ‘All along the Watchtower’. So I turned the volume up to a magnificent maximum.

And then (unbelievably) the loathsome Evans began to rant over the sublime sounds of Jimi’s guitar.

I was so incandescent with rage that I couldn’t enjoy the rest of the track. I remembered how I used to listen to it on the jukebox over and over again. It must have cost me pounds and pounds - and that’s old pounds worth 240pence.

I switched off and began to despise myself. Why did this get me more upset and furious that war, famine, poverty or little old ladies with hypothermia? What a shallow person I am.

I decided to play my old Bradshaws tape which always cheers me up - no CD player in an S reg ‘onda. It was so long since I’d played a cassette that I couldn’t - 1: switch it on, 2: insert the cassette or 3: make it play.

So I failed miserably and hated myself even more for being stupid and ineffectual.

I arrived home full of self-loathing.

And it’s all Chris Evan’s fault.

Why oh why didn’t we get Stuart Maconie?



KAZ

FRIENDS

The one where Kaz wishes that her friends were more like her.

I do have a few mates left - I like them - but when it comes to sharing time and activities I usually think twice.

Making arrangements involves allocating time in the future.

Very Risky!

So you arrange to go out for a walk next Thursday and it’s pissing down. You would rather curl up under the duvet with Alan Bennett - but you have to go because you said you would.

Sometimes, after making an arrangement, you get a better offer. You honourably refuse only to get a last minute cancellation from ‘Friend’ who has just accepted a better offer. I know - it’s unbelievable that there could be anything preferable to a day out with me.

So here are my ‘friends’:

A: Lacks social skills. On a recent day out she kept me waiting for 45 minutes while she searched for the cheapest birthday card in the cheapest shop in town. She then ‘wrote it’ and presented it to me with a proud flourish.

B: G.S.O.H and shares my liking for early meetings in pubs. We drink wine and laugh a lot. But her other life is dominated by aspirational dinner parties. I have been invited but I suffer from 'deipnophobia' - fear of dinner party conversation. If possible I sit under the table talking to the cat. But B has no cat.

C: Posh but skint. She rants endlessly and dramatically without pausing for breath. I apply appropriate expression to face, sit back and relax.
OK for a coffee in town

D: Loveable - has all the time in the world. A story, which was passably interesting the first time usually loses something by the third telling. D Doesn’t do e mail or mobile. She won’t have an alcoholic drink until 22.00 hours by which time I’m either desperate or pissed.

Katherine Whitehorn said of being suddenly widowed. I have loads of people to do something with - but no one to do nothing with.

I’ve missed ignoring Kev while he’s been away.

KAZ