Northern Soul

A big thank you to my soul sister Nora who recommended ‘Cider with Roadies’. It’s a sort of autobiography/ recent history of pop music by Stuart Maconie.


He writes - ‘Soul music the sound of the streets, the sound of youth, the sound of passion, freedom, the night. To be fully attuned to the pulse of soul music in the 1970s, to feel its beating rhythm and heartbeat in the sounds of the metropolis around you, in the traffic, in the bars, the schools, the clubs, the songs of the shop girls and factory boys at downtown bus stops, you had to be living in one of only a handful of places; Memphis, Detroit, Chicago, New York ….…or Wigan.’


Wigan - also famous for pier, pies, rugby and where Kaz passed her driving test as a schoolgirl from Chorley. I’ll forgive Stuart for his snide references to persons from Chorley because I love his self-effacing low-key sense of humour - he’s so like the lads I grew up with.

He takes us from watching the Beatles as a toddler with his mum, through the 11+, college, unemployment, teaching sociology in Skelmersdale and his career as music journo on NME.

But, although Beth told me about his dancing, I’d no idea that he had been a Northern Soul Boy from the legendary Wigan Casino. Carrying his Adidas bag containing a change of clothes and Johnson’s baby talc to make the floor slippier for his rolls, dives, slides, spins and back flips. He ‘spent the best part of 1974 dancing’ - defying the inherited DNA of the white, male heterosexual stereotype.

He writes about his music passions from soul, progressive rock and punk to the Fall, the Smiths and Blur.

According to Peter Kaye ‘Stuart Maconie is the best thing to come out of Wigan since the A58 to Bolton’.

Read it!

KAZ

No Strings

Mention the word ‘wireless’ to a person of my age and they will think of the ‘Light programme’ and ‘Round the Horne’.

After that we had radios and ‘wireless’ referred to glove puppets or daring circus performers.

Now it means taking my laptop to the local Spanish library and using the internet for free. On the way back we stayed in a hotel in Plaça Universitat, Barcelona (see view from window). WiFi was provided free. You just had to type in a 27digit code!!

But it’s back home in Manchester where it’s the most brilliant. You remember the Upstairs Downstairs arrangement of our flats. Kev has the router upstairs and I receive the vibes downstairs. We share the broadband bill.

At last that’s one thing we can agree about.

It was cold in Barcelona so we visited the Fundació Joan Miró where huge colourful art works are displayed in a beautiful white gallery.

I used to think Joan was a girl but obviously not.

Gaudi, Miro and Dali - these Catalans were certainly an arty farty lot.
KAZ

Terror Vision

Bon Dia!

Statcounter will have already told you that I’m in Spain/Catalunya. I’m spending a few sober days with the saintly Kev.

I flew Ryanair from Liverpool to Girona on Sunday afternoon.

The flight cost 99p. Even with all the taxes etc. it came to less than a tenner. I find this worrying but Tony Blair gave me permission.

The journey to Liverpool airport from Manchester has previously been complicated, but we now have ’Terra vision’. It sounds like a trashy Horror film from the fifties. The firm runs a special bus from Manchester city centre directly to Liverpool airport. It cost £6 single and £5.50 return. (??).
It was brilliant door to door and only 3 passengers.

The deprivations of Ryanair are well documented. For me the problem is a scouse one. Scousers
are all very kind and sociable, but they don’t have sub titles.

I was surrounded by Danielle soundalikes.

That’s Danielle as in Teddy Sheringham’s wag. I used to love and respect Terry. But now I‘ve had to reconsider.

Danielle comes across as a bit dumb intellectually challenged

However, the girl’s got A level Chemistry. I can assure you that, whatever the media says, that is quite an achievement. It requires mathematical skills as well. So who’s fooling who?

Or perhaps Teddy was on the panel for A level Chemistry as well as Miss Great Britain!

Posted via free Wi-Fi in the local library. Manchester please take note.
KAZ

Naked

A very belated happy sixtieth Birthday to Peter who writes the very excellent *Naked blog*. He’s just getting used to his Bus pass.

Talking of ‘Naked’ have you seen that new VASELINE advert? It reminds me of the orgiastic finale of the film ‘Perfume’

Both imitate the work of New York photographer Spencer Tunick (see pic above showing 1700 naked Tynesiders).

You can volunteer here (brrrrr).

The mere mention of the word VASELINE used to send my students into paroxysms of laughter. Not the girls - they just used it as lip gloss.

Vaseline has many other uses.

I was always very careful not to say ‘Go and get the Vaseline to lubricate your stopcock’. Anyway in the last few years we had Teflon stopcocks which didn’t need it.

Here's the VASELINE advert.

KAZ

RUTHLESS

So ‘Gordon - in - waiting’ will send his sprog to a state school. Good for Gordon!

He’s given the finger to the traitors including Tony Blair, Diane Abbot and Keith Bradley (my ex MP who was ousted by the lib dems in the last election). According to the Manchester Evening News, Keith's son had special needs. I think the ‘need’ was to be with his mates.

I’m not sure I can I trust myself to mention this despicable, devious, deceitful, duplicitous person who was voted into parliament by the good folk of Bolton.

Ruth Kelly is a member of Opus Dei the secret society which was strongly supported by the government of General Franco. The members of Opus Dei ''seek to promote traditional Catholic values and to oppose liberalism and immorality''.

I somehow don’t think the word ‘immorality’ means the same to them as it does to me!

Every time I switch on the TV or radio, I hear some heroic parent of a special needs kid who has had to give up their life, their job and sometimes their friends and their home to get the help required. What are Kelly and Blair doing for them? Is Kelly going provide the fees of £15000 a year to send all these kids to the same Oxfordshire boarding school as her son?

Immorality??

Kelly holds two records - giving birth to four children whilst serving as an MP and being the youngest cabinet minister ever at the age of 36.

She moved from Northern Ireland to Westminster school (£6 - 8000 per term) where she was a contemporary of Helena Bonham Carter. Don’t blame the school too much because our old pal Tony Benn also attended from 1925 onwards.
She then (of course) went on to Oxford.

So let’s give Gordon some support.

I just hope to God he hasn’t put the lad’s name down for Eton.

KAZ

LOST in MUSIC

So I was sitting in Wetherspoons on Deansgate yesterday reading about Beckham going to LA. I was relieved not to have to waste any more sympathy on him because he’d been rejected by Steve and Fabio.

I picked up the Arts section to find a great article by Laura Barton.

It stresses how powerful music is in our lives.

She’s writes beautifully about how the words, phrasing, notes and often a slight imperfection can create something you have to play over and over again.

I’ve never been a huge Dylan fan, but one long hot summer, I became obsessed by his song *To Ramona*.

It was mainly the words and his emphasis - I loved the phrase ‘Your cracked country lips I still wish to kiss,’.

Here is the article - well worth a read

SIMPLY NOT!

Once upon a time (circa 1985), Jez rang to say he had free tickets to see the launch of a Manchester band who were about to hit the big time. The guitar player (Dave F) was a colleague of his. Jez taught Chemistry and Dave F taught Physics in the same Salford school.

So we all went along to support Dave F who turned out to be quite a good looking bloke …unlike Mick H - the lead singer - who was not quite so lovely.

‘Money’s too tight to Mention’ started climbing up the charts.

Dave F gave up the day job - the rest is history.

But not for Dave F.

The new manager sacked him from the band almost as soon as the record entered the charts. No one seemed to know why.
………………..

Fast forward a few years to when I was working in the city centre. The principal and I were looking through applications for the post of science teacher when I spotted Dave’s name. The principal had heard of Simply Red and had a good sense of humour*.

During the interview I asked Dave why there was a gap in his employment history between Salford and the supply teaching he was doing at the time. The boss and I waited for the answer in eager anticipation. We hoped for tales of stardom and celebrity scandal. But - Dave just said ‘I embarked on a business venture that wasn’t successful’. What a cop out!

He didn’t get the job.

He’s on the video of ‘Money’s too tight to Mention’ so I still see him sometimes in those Channel 5 programmes like ‘Best 100 hits by a ginger bloke’.

Dave F’s the one in the black leather jacket - see it here - you don’t need to stay for long.

I was reminded of this story because I heard it on the radio as I was driving along this morning.

I only hope Dave F gets a few royalties.

* This was before the Act of parliament that banned laughter in educational establishments.

KAZ

We need to talk about Kevin - again.

Re Kev - There have been ‘developments’.

He returned from Spain last month to find a letter from GP saying ‘Not urgent - but like to see you concerning result of blood test’.

He assumed it would be cholesterol issues.

But no - it’s liver damage … bad … but not yet irreversible.

I have referred to Kev’s intemperance many times.

His motto: ‘I know the difference between work and drink - when I’m not working I’m drinking’. Kev hasn’t worked since May 26th and supply teachers clock off at 3.30!

So far the new abstemiousness is going well. Surprisingly no withdrawal symptoms apart from extreme grumpiness.

It’s being helped by:

Recycling this old shelf into a daily chart of alcohol units injested.

Cycling for miles every day in his mid life crisis lycra outfit

Recycling his previous life as a guitar toting old fogey/folkie.

Returning to the folk clubs 20 years later, he finds all the old bearded ones solemnly drinking orange juice instead of Old Frothingslosh.

I don’t do folkie - I even get nervous if someone puts a hand over an ear - especially when wearing a polo neck jumper.

Me? I am now a secret drinker compelled to knock back a couple of large Sauvignons before we meet.

KAZ

Perhaps.

Well everyone is back at work now.

Well apart from me … obviously.

I can’t even begin to imagine how stressful it is for you… Though I did try when I was languishing on the chaise longue this morning.

So, once again, I offer some help.

1: Print out the picture,

2: Cut along the dotted line

3: Display above your desk or workspace.

When colleague approaches with beady eye and sheet of A4 - adopt strained expression and point in direction of sign.

No need to speak.
KAZ

PLASTERWATCH

One of the big blogging highlights of 2006 was undoubtedly ‘Bathmatwatch’

I offer this post as a tribute to the very talented Mr. Salvador Vincent.

I call it ‘Plasterwatch’.

Even if you aren’t interested it may cheer up a few foot fetishists who pass this way. I hear they like a nice size 3.

Here’s the story: I called for Barbara on November 10th 2006. We were about to set off for a long walk. This was before she broke her ankle for the third time last year. At the time of writing she hasn’t yet broken it in 2007 - but there’s still plenty of time.

My toe was bleeding so I asked her for a plaster.10 minutes later she produced a yellowing packet from the cupboard, blew the dust off and with the aid of a pair of blunt scissors I cut a bit off the roll and stuck it on my toe.

And there it is above - in all its glory as I soaked in the bath this morning. Note the artistic ‘grainy’ texture caused by the steam.

I never imagined that a photo of me in the bath would ever be published on the internet.

I have a bath every day - so this plaster has lasted for 54 days through 54 baths.

Is this a record? Too bad that Roy Castle is long gone, and those McWhirter chaps were assassinated?

Earlier this morning I cut my finger, applied a modern Elastoplast and 10 mins later it dropped off.
KAZ