Just like you and me.

I aim for a light hearted note here - frivolous trivia and suchlike.

But just for once let's have a little fellow feeling for our National Hero Wayne Rooney - shown above with his dad David Moyes.

Wayne was driving his lovely bride Coleen home to their Prestbury residence in the £90000 customised 4X4 Range Rover which he bought her for Christmas. Wayne stopped at the service station and filled the tank with petrol.

The vehicle spluttered to a halt just 1 mile from the service station - it should have been diesel.

A member of staff at Burtonwood said "It happens often - even to intelligent people". It will cost £5000 to repair.

Wayne also has a Lamborghini Gallardo....

a Bentley Continental GT...

as well as a BMW M6...

and an Aston Martin Vanquish.
KAZ says:

'Please find it in your heart to give the lad some sympathy. When all's said and done prosperous celebs and wags feel the pain just like ordinary folk'.

I know that upset you - so here's something to make up for it.

Remember Henry Conway the popinjay son of the corrupt Tory MP who was sacked for using the taxpayers' money to 'employ' him as a 'researcher'. Some people weren't very nice to Henry when this happened.


But there is a happy ending. Henry appeared in photo spread in the Tatler recently and yesterday's Guardian 'WEEKEND' chose him to a write column called "Toff Tips"

He tells us that 'Posh' is en vogue again - and he doesn't mean Mrs Beckham.

So there is some justice after all.

And it looks like the New Romantics are back.

KAZ

Saddo

So - I'm home alone (Kev's in Spain) and it's my birthday.

AAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Poor little Kaz.

I know it's my birthday because the leaves are going brown and the swarms of students are back.
I'll have a birthday 'do' with my friends next week when they will give me presents which I shall put lovingly in the cupboard with the ones they gave me last year.

But on the actual day (yesterday) I was alone.

I woke early and sang a hearty rendition of 'Happy Birthday to Me'

Through my letter box came -

• A birthday card (cousin in Marple)
• A letter from the Halifax asking me to insure my house with them??

They cannot be serious - after last week’s news I wouldn't insure my breakfast with them.

• A leaflet from Mo's kebab shop
• A leaflet from Yong Da's Chinese take-away.
• A leaflet from the Madrid Pizza Place (Madrid?)

Later I received -

• A txt from Ldy Pnlope - the one with scl sklls and chndlrs.
• An e mail from friend A asking me when my birthday was
• An e mail from Jan wishing me a Happy Birthday for Friday.
• Nowt from the Jazz Fan

I remembered when my mum became too ill to go out shopping, she'd give me a generous handful of crisp cash and say "Don't bring any back with you."

I was always a good girl so I daren't disobey.

So that's what I did yesterday - except I had to use my own cash from the money machine. This was OK - it was the lack of guilt that was important.

I wanted some brown suede ankle boots - (not Aussie Uggies) I knew exactly what I wanted - but when I found it I didn't.

So I bought a boring brown cardi from Zara for 20quid. It has 6 lovely pearl buttons on each sleeve. After lunch I bought -

• A bottle of real champagne
• Gigantic prawns
• Spicy red pepper houmous/hummus
• Stuffed vine leaves
• Marinaded Greek olives with feta
• Tiramisu

I also bought some DVDs.

Later I settled down to eat my prawns etc, drink my champagne (not all of it) and watch my DVDs.

Bliss!
KAZ

H.R.H.

I saw this magazine cover in Sainsbury's yesterday.
Surely it's a contradiction it terms.

I searched for a picture of the cover specially for you - and Google gave me this -


I followed the link and found these...

Uma Blair?

OOOOObama.

And this is my favourite...

Eat your heart out Condoleezza.

Lots more here

"CRIKEY! "
" Dontcha just adore that one of George W as the mater."

KAZ

The Accidental Tourist

Do you remember that great film 'The Accidental Tourist'? I also read the book by Anne Tyler.

The William Hurt character wrote books to advise people how to make flying bearable.

But this was before Ryanair - so here's my update.

1: Do NOT fly from Liverpool.

Although the staff are friendly (unlike Mancunians who defy the Northern stereotype) they all sound like Lily Savage on full volume with serious catarrh.
Where else would revenue and customs officers shout “Move along there guys and gerrrls"?

So do not consider Liverpool ...ever ... even if it's the cheapest or the only possible route.
Stay at home or get a bus to Blackpool or Bognor.

2: Select ‘on line check in'.

You will have to tick boxes saying that you packed your own case (no hold baggage allowed) and you don't know anyone called Bin Laden. Remember you will need access to the internet and a printer whilst you are away as you need to print out a boarding card 5 days before you fly. You could probably print out one for a few terrorists as well.

If you must fly Ryanair choose priority boarding and avoid this:

3: Choose reading matter with care.

Avoid those 3inch thick Airport blockbusters by Harlan Coben or Triumph over Tragedy novels entitled “My Dad called me Rover and kept me in a Kennel“.

You will need a dog eared old Penguin.


This ensures that no one will engage you in conversation.

4: Wear loose garments.

The low pressure in aeroplanes can cause bloating and they don't serve Activia on Ryanair.

5: Drink?

William Hurt said NO.
Kaz says - you'll need it.

Not on the plane - but a stiff one in the airport will help enormously.

Bon Voyage!

KAZ

Wulli Bulli

We all love a good moan but some people have it down to a fine art.

But, this time I'm 100% with Geoff who doesn't want to accompany his sister to 'The Ivy' on her 40th birthday.

It's impossible to relax and enjoy a meal when it's costing a fortune, the ambience is pretentious and the temptation to indulge in celeb spotting is irresistible?

What's wrong with 'Wetherspoons', a curry in Rusholme, 'Cafe Rouge' courtesy of Tesco tokens or English Tapas at 'La Tasca' on Deansgate?

By coincidence, there was an article in yesterday’s paper (don’t read it - it’s bollocks) about ‘El Bulli’ which has been voted the best restaurant in the world for the last 3 years.

Apparently it’s just round the corner from where we stay in Spain - a simple fishing port/seaside resort where people seek out the wildlife rather than the wild life.
I haven’t even seen ‘El Bulli’ from the outside as it’s up one of those gut churning twisty roads with a sheer drop into the sea on one side.

Gourmet visitors book over a year in advance and pay £125 to eat a 32-course ‘taster menu’. You eat what you are given during a 4 hour session.

A foodie writes:
“A tartare of cuttlefish was sensual with black ink and brown foie flavours to overload the senses. Risotto a la Milanese was made with chopped bean sprouts, creamy froth and a separate saffron slick. The freeze-dried, shaved foie gras with consommé and tamarind was extraterrestrial. The bar code of different vegetable jellies was a hilarious colour-coded guessing game. The cauliflower couscous was so aromatic and aromatherapeutic that I felt healthier than ever after one bite”

So what’s your choice on your birthday - Curry or El Bulli?
KAZ

'Allo TOOTSIE!

In Girona there's a museum devoted to the cinema.
You might expect to see DVDs of Fellini, Bertolluci and Pasolini in the window - but you'd find this.
*All pics click to enlarge

How do they do 'Allo 'Allo in Catalan? And why?

At the moment they have a special exhibition 'Dressed for the Cinema' taken from this collection. The young woman on the reception desk told us it was free and we could take as many photographs as we wished.

Here's the dress worn by Dustin Hoffman in 'Tootsie'. On the left is Tom Hanks's outfit from 'Forrest Gump'.




These are the shoes worn by Geena Davis in 'Thelma and Louise' and below is Tarzan's actual loincloth.

Underneath each costume was a small TV screen showing the relevant excerpt from the film. Great stuff.

Can you identify this outfit?

Or this one as Garfer got the first one.

Afterwards we went for lunch.

This is the Catalan menu - and no - I haven't a clue, and there was no translation - I managed to avoid meat. Kev had 'xai' which turned out to be mutton and was extremely delicious.
More exciting that way isn't it?
KAZ

Holiday Outfits (Part 2)

I saw a woman on Girona Station carrying a Morrison's carrier bag.

How could she?

I remember cringing with every step as my ex husband escorted me round Venice in his 'Bradford Jazz Festival' tee shirt.

Why does Kev insist on wearing his hideous Manchester Velodrome shirt when I'm trying to look sophisticated and cosmopolitan? I suppose I should be proud and patriotic after the Olympics - but just look at the thing.

It's not that I'm ashamed of being British.

Not at all.

I'm very proud to be associated with a nation that selects a lollipop lady and a red bus as symbols of excellence.

Don‘t forget, we won the world cup in 1966 and we beat Andorra (186th in the Fifa world rankings) on Saturday. What more can one ask?

Ok I'll admit it - I like it when people think I'm French. The French for 'Skinny Shortarse' is petite and they consider it as a compliment.

The French are so chic and stylish like this:

No sorry - I mean this

Spot the shortarse.

KAZ

In praise of Valium

During the 70's my mum and gran lived together in domestic harmony.

However, the GP decided to prescribe Valium for both of them - it was the fashion. He gave them regular prescriptions for shipping loads of the stuff.

Naturally having been through rationing, the depression and only having a black and white telly, they took all that was offered and kept most of it in a drawer.

They would say 'Help yourself luv' whenever I visited. None of us became addicted - but we all enjoyed it now and again.

So I'm not surprised at yesterday's news that the heroin users are using it as a cheap alternative.

Many years later mum was able to get Valium 'on demand' - probably because she was too old to matter much.

So I always had some in my bedside drawer.

It reduced my 'blue arsed fly' behaviour and helped me concentrate to get through a pile of marking or reports. If I was still awake at 2 am - half a tablet would send me to sleep. The pain of tension headaches and migraine was eased considerably.

*I didn't become addicted*

The tablets would stay in the drawer for months - untouched until needed. I loved knowing they were there for a rainy day.

But many people became dependent in the seventies - it was the fault of the medical profession.

Most doctors don't prescribe Valium now.

The replacement - Prozac type tranquillisers are taken every day and the effect accumulates gradually. The patient has no input or control. Which is better?
KAZ

Holiday outfits

In the days before I go away I'm always tempted to shop for some new items of clothing.

Nothing expensive just something that isn't a long sleeved grey T shirt. Perhaps some tight(ish) white jeans that stop just below the knee or a stripey top or two.

Who knows I may even manage a strappy sandal.

But - I don't know why I bother because I always end up looking like THIS!


KAZ