Bon Dia

Yes I'm here again

But I've brought y'all with me this time in my lovely little VAIO - weight 2kg

It's found an unprotected network somewhere in this building so I'm making the most of it. Why is Blogger in Spanish when I brought my English computer??

Remember I also blogged last year (from the Internet Café) when I was trying to make some sense of the World Cup in Spanish.

So, like 'View' who is in France - giving a whole new meaning to the term 'Comme il Faut' - I am a peripatetic blogger.

I've also brought:

So I'll need someone on my side.

Just don't mention my carbon footprint - the size 3 joke is wearing a bit thin.

I'll post again soon

Shhh! .. I can hear footsteps - CU soon
KAZ

KAZ has a bit of a shock!

I’ve always loved the colour Purple - no not the book or the film where Oprah was the fattest woman in the world instead of the richest. And I don’t mean that lot in the pic either. I never saw them - though I did see ‘Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow’ at the Apollo.

I think that was the day I lost most of the hearing in my left ear.

But I’ve always thought it suited me. After Black ,white and grey it has always been my favourite colour.

Now you know I don’t go into Primark to buy stuff - of course not - it’s just my route from the bus station to Market Street. But what can a girl do when they offer money to take the stuff away? So, I selected this purple top effort which looked promising.

Then I sort of gingerly edged my way into view of this mirror where a chubby Manc Asian lad was admiring himself in a puffa jacket. I smiled to excuse my pushiness and he smiled back.

I held the top up to my chest.………….

........ Then ..........

‘It’s not your colour’ he said (with such a nice smile).

‘But I love Purple'

‘You’d be better in pale yellow or baby blue’

WHAT??

Me?

In Pastels?

Not since I stopped moving about on all fours.

He asked me what I thought of his jacket. I was kind - chubby lads and chubby jackets do not cut the mustard.


‘Find a longer one’ - I said.

So I returned the Purple top and considered his words.


He was right wasn’t he?

It’s the hair. It used to be dark even though my eyes are blue (ish).

Here is a selection of Kaz’s hairstyles - from Pauline Prescott to Billy Idol in 20 years.

So - Beige? Ecru? Oatmeal? Taupe?

Oh no.

Well perhaps.

KAZ

Trizers

I don’t know about you - but I could do with a laugh.

The last time I had one of those chortles that makes you cry and hurt all over was when they locked up Jeffrey Archer in 2001.

'The drugs don't work ... no more.'

Even the title on this magazine could only raise a titter.

I want to be convulsed with paroxysms of uncontrollable hilarity. I want to snort, guffaw and giggle like a teenage girl.

Robert Plant said it for me in the live version of ‘Stairway to Heaven‘ .

‘Does Anybody Remember laughter??’

Here’s the link - from Song Remains the Same. It’s over 11 minutes long so even I hadn’t time to watch it. The relevant bit is at around 4min 15secs - so you can slide the little slider along.

But the real laugh is imagining what Robert stuck down his trousers.

KAZ

HAZARD

There was a scrap of paper on the floor. I picked it up - it said IMPORTANT - so I threw it in the bin.

Only later did I wonder why?? It seems that the brain translates IMPORTANT as ‘We’re only printing this so you can’t sue us‘.

My brain automatically ignores words like DANGER, WARNING, BEWARE. Do you know anyone who tests a strand first before dying their hair?

In the lab we must consult (COSHH) hazard sheets for every single chemical every single time we use it. This is the one for common salt. YES - there was one for water as well.

Apart from ‘Contains Mild Peril’…these are some warnings from last week’s Odeon website?

'Mr Bean’s Holiday' (on at Pensioners’ pictures for some reason)

‘contains irresponsible behaviour’.

Do they mean it was irresponsible of Rowan Atkinson to stop being funny?

‘Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer' (shouldn’t this be on at Pensioners’ pictures?)

'contains infrequent moderate violence, mild innuendo & language‘.
Er - which ‘language’ would that be?

‘Molière’

‘has one scene of moderate sex’

Sorry I prefer rampant.

My favourite - ‘Contains moderate nudity‘.

This is for Stitch:

And this is a work of art:

KAZ

An iPod for the Teacher.

When reading the paper, it doesn’t seem to be the atrocities carried out by governments, the outrageous antics of celebs or the lies of politicians that make my jaw fall open unattractively. It’s the rather unspectacular articles like this one that shock me to the core.

It seems that expensive presents for the teacher are now necessary.

Did I get presents from my inner city lot? Well - yes I suppose I did. Exam classes sometimes had a whip round and presented me with something - box of chocs, bottle of whisky.

These were some memorable gifts.

At the age of 28 I received a ‘Congratulations on your Retirement’ card. The same group had pinched a report form and filled it in for me. The comment for PE was ‘very butch’. Hmmmm.

Doreen and her mates chose this hair set. At the time I had an impressive glossy Dallas hairstyle. ‘Big hair’ was me. The same lot gave me the Far Side mug.


But there’s one gift I will never forget.

A group of girls collected an impressive amount of cash and approached my friend Lesley (their form tutor) - to ask for gift suggestions.

‘Remember Kaz is a minimalist’ she advised them - ‘I suggest a simple white fruit bowl or possibly an art book - she really loves Henri Matisse‘.



It came in a presentation box . It was a small round mirror with an ornate etched glitter design. Attached to the mirror by suckers were several golden jewelled birds. The girls loved it so much they could hardly bear to part with it.


And No - it wasn’t even kitsch.

KAZ

What KAZ did.

I drank:
Yes that is a world cup serviette and yes it is from Japan 2002. They were selling them off very cheap at Sainsburys.
I ate:

I watched:
‘Batman Begins‘ - not my usual sort of thing but I bought it recently in Fopp (RIP) because I‘m a very big fan of Christian Bale. It was very enjoyable - dark and dramatic with excellent acting.

The story starts when batman is a little boy and develops a bat phobia (thinks - does this mean that I’ll become ‘Frogwoman’?)

His dad is played by Linus Roache which means that Ken Barlow is Batman’s grandad!

All the Brits are there - Liam Neeson with a ridiculous hamster on his chin, Tom Wilkinson wasted as the villain Falcone and Michael Caine doing a perfect Michael Caine impression. Katie Holmes has a surprisingly strong presence as the token female. Please will someone have her surgically removed from Tom (he was 45 last week).

I read:
Julie Myerson’s latest - ‘the Story of You‘. I love Julie Myerson’s sensuous writing though this isn’t as good as ‘Something Might Happen’.

'The Colour’ by Rose Tremain about early settlers in New Zealand - it was recommended by friend B. Although I felt very engaged with the characters it was a bit of a lengthy saga. However, I’m glad I stayed with it to the end because it had a bit of a late (sexy) surgeAlexei Sayle’s ‘Barcelona Plates’ which I brought with me for obvious reasons. He’s a very talented and underrated writer. Every sentence is a witty gem of a comment on ‘the way we are’. I lay on my lounger LOLing.
The book is a collection of short stories and, like those rich alcoholic chocolate truffles you get at Christmas, you can’t really take too many at a time.

I listened to :

RAKsexy (well that‘s what it sounds like)
It’s a Catalan radio station playing non stop pop - mostly British singles of a certain vintage. They seem to have a special fondness for Terence Trent Darby and the Fine young Cannibals.
KAZ

INTREPID

‘As I walked out one Midsummer Morning’ …. well actually it was July 1st and, unlike Laurie Lee, I had Terravision and Ryanair to help.
But I did have my little rucksack on my back and I was heading for Spain all by myself.

That isn’t Kev in the photo . He stayed at home with his guitar.

I knew my journey via Liverpool would take most of the day - but I hadn't reckoned with:
i) the closing of Liverpool airport overnight - and
ii) my train from Girona to Figueras passing through lightning which struck down the overhead cables.


So it was quite an adventure!

This time I enjoyed being with the Scousers.
I misjudged Joan. In spite of her shocking pink trousers, white fringed jacket, gold plastic handbag, peroxide hair and wrinkly face, she turned out to be intelligent and interesting.

'John Lennon’ had responded to the bomb scare by closing for the night and cancelling all flights. Poor Joan had been sitting around since 3am. It was now mid afternoon and good old Ryan was sending her to a different destination.

Then there was gorgeous forty something Tracey who explained how to get from Girona airport to the railway station. Tracey and Ian often popped over to Girona for an overnight stay! This time I think she’d come to escape the first day of the smoking ban. We discussed a nanny state that will probably soon ban drinking in pubs as well. At best they might use a swipe card system based on your allocated daily units.

I finally boarded the local train to Figueras. When the lightning struck I hadn’t a clue what was going on as all announcements were in Catalan. Eventually Che Guevera at the back of the carriage took pity on me and explained - he used the word ‘patience’. Even after we got moving again, everything was dark and not even the locals had a clue where we were.

We finally reached Figueras. The last bus had gone and the taxi cost 45euros - about the same as the rest of the trip put together.

Midnight saw me drinking a warm G&T by candlelight as I couldn’t switch the electricity on.

10 lovely days passed uneventfully without a drop of rain . Don’t hate me too much … it was a bit cloudy on Tuesday afternoon.

Uneventful return journey - home at 2.30 this morning.

KAZ