Oooops!

Friday morning:

• Toast, marmalade and coffee as usual (best meal of the day)
  
• Checked blog and e mails
  
• Messed about
  
• Had bath, got dressed
  
• Drove to 'Pets r Us' to buy bird seed for Kev's feeder
  
• Called in B&Q for picture hooks
  
• Drove home, parked car
  
• Walked to 'Gaffas' for 25p Guardian
  
• Called in at Sainsbury's - traipsed round for quite a while as they've had a makeover and you can't find a bloody thing.
  
• Came home
  
• Unpacked
  
  
• Bent down to remove Docs ..... and ......

How does a person do this?

Do you think I need a carer?

And - Yes - I know they need cleaning but do you think I've got time on my hands?

To look on the bright side - the area is packed with the new intake of students now. They probably thought it was a strange Mancunian custom.

Do you think this would have looked better?

KAZ

Another Walk on the Tame side

Remember when we took a walk on the Tame side in February (see archive if you have time on your hands). Many of you took my advice and spent your summer hols there.

This is the second part of our journey for those who fancy a late autumn break.

Here's an old friend to wish us 'Bon Voyage'. I suppose Man City was paying for all these ads.

You will find gourmet restaurants with traditional English dishes.

Choose from a wide selection of drinks lagers to accompany your meal..

Be assured that your security is of paramount importance to us.

Hello - what's NiC doing here? Now we know where he finds all that wonderful wild life.
Thrill to the Rabelaisian delights of the Tunnel of Love. Here's where you can experience a famous 'Tameside Knee Trembler'.

More high diving facilities.


Fancy a punt (that's Punt)? Can anyone tell me why the weeping willow doesn't grow long enough to dip into the water?

It just seems to stop on the surface.

And finally the retail therapy you were all waiting for....

KAZ

The MUMMY returns ...AGAIN!

What was Gordon thinking?

Is he really so keen to win over The Daily Mail?


But according to last Thursday's Grauni, this is just the start of a trend.
Here she is with Rudy Giuliani on his 24 hour trip to London.

Perhaps they were swapping fashion tips as I hear that Rudi likes to wear a frock now and then.

It seems that all the presidential hopefuls are determined to campaign in London and part of their plan is to cosy up to Thatcher. This includes Hillary Clinton who is calling herself 'The new Iron Lady'.

It's all to do with forgetting Bush and recalling Reagan

What Next?
Arthur Scargill taking her for a pint up 't working men's club

Tariq Ali escorting her to the 'New Left Review’ Christmas party.

Peter Tatchell inviting her to make the opening speech for 'Pride 2008‘.

Ken Livingstone choosing her to light the torch for the 2012 Olympics.

Short memories eh?

I think Led Zep is the last comeback I can handle.
KAZ

Kiss a frog.

View has tagged me - the one where I use the letters in my name.

After the initial panic I decided to be grateful I wasn’t called Clarissa Theresa Philomena Aileen Mary Josephine Agnes Elsie Trilby Louise Esmerelda Dickson Wright .......and to use pictures as usual.

So here goes.

K is for Kiss.
Kissing is fantastic - the most delicious, intimate, sensual, erotic thing you can do whilst keeping your jumper on.
It is said that kissing is the first thing to go when a relationship is in decline.

Here are some arty examples

Rodin

Klimt
Lichtenstein
And here is a famous classic movie kiss. mmmmmmmmmmm.

K is also for Kev my manic depressive, guitar toting, hard drinking consort.

Would I have been better with someone who liked gardening and the Antiques Roadshow???.

A is for Amphibian. - my irrational phobia of.

View tells me it's called 'batrachophobia'. It's serious.

Z is for Zinc.
No not element no30, but the cafe bar in Manchester where I meet my mates.

They know us by now and are very tolerant.

Who can I tag?

Oz or Z would be good but I don't really want to impose.

I need 3 volunteers? Thought not.

KAZ

Ming the Merciful

Poor old Ming Campbell - oops sorry didn’t mean to say ‘old’.

I saw him on BBC this morning at the Lib conference in Brighton. He was saying that he doesn’t mind all the ageist jokes but he isn’t very convincing. He’d much rather tell us about his Olympic successes in 1964.

Ming’s trouble is not that he’s 66, it’s that he looks like an old git and there’s not really much he can do about it.

Now that it’s illegal to be sexist or racist - what’s left apart from ageism?

Well there’s *heightism* - Kylie and I don’t mind at all. If I can’t reach my vodka from the top shelf I just ask for help ….from a woman of course. Shortarse men probably have a bad time.

There’s also *gingerism*. I don’t approve of this at all. I just hate Chris Evans because he’s crap.

Come to think of it Charles (make mine a stiff one) Kennedy is ginger isn’t he?

What’s so bad about being an alcoholic? You can always reform like Anne Robinson (also ginger) or the jazz fan (bald).

And what about that horrid Clarissa Dickson Wright (full name) Clarissa Theresa Philomena Aileen Mary Josephine Agnes Elsie Trilby Louise Esmerelda Dickson Wright ). She nearly died from drink but came back to defend hunting and make lard pies.

So I say *Bring back Chas*.

KAZ

two thirty

I went to the University Dental Hospital today.

They don’t make you feel very welcome do they?

On my first visit they took an armful of blood and told me to come back in 4 months. On the second visit they took the other armful and told me to come back in 3 months.

Today it was a new person. She looked at the results and told me I had the bestest blood in Greater Manchester. She looked in my mouth and took X rays. She said I had the best teeth, gums, fillings and crowns in the Northern hemisphere.

She told me to congratulate my local dentist.

Instead of rejoicing - I repeated my symptoms which have plagued me for years. In other words I reminded her why I was there in the first place.

She went all ‘touchy feely’ on me. She talked about emotions and coping skills.

She diagnosed *Atypical Odontalgia*.

According to Google ‘Odontalgia’ means toothache and ‘Atypical’ means something like nutter.

And the treatment …. Amitriptyline … for me nerves.

This is the stuff that makes Eileen forget what day it is and sit watching channel 5 in the mornings. They are ‘anti - depressants’.

I argued and sulked but she was adamant.

I start in 2 weeks time.

Please feel free to mention it if you see zombie like signs from this url.

KAZ

Gi' s a job??

Panic not - I have no intention of giving up idling. However, for an absolutely maximum salary and absolutely minimum hours - these are some jobs I might consider.

Last week in Spain, we watched ‘The Big Lebowki’ on DVD. The soundtrack was fab. It had Dylan, both Elvises, Gypsy Kings, Booker T, Santana, a nice aria and a bit of Mozart.
I’m sure The Coens, Tarantino, Scorcese or Almodovar would be overjoyed to have me on the team to choose the sounds.

I could e mail my list and they could put the cheque in the post.

Murph stared it all with the suggestion that I should be a picture researcher. Sounds great. I'd get paid for doing what I already do and some other bugger could deal with copyright issues.

Other ideas?

Next has a massive store in Manchester Arndale. The clothes are rubbish. I would be an advisor In the style of Meryl Streep in ‘The Devil wears Prada’.

*Get rid of that daft bit of tape - Those olive green combats don’t need pink embroidery. That’s a nice T shirt but why does it say chrysanthemum on it? And why do you think we need our shirt stitched into a tank top? What happens if the weather turns warm? *

And WHAT is this?

I could do a bit of window dressing at Harvey Nicks across the road.
I’d just say ‘Put a duck in the window!’ and send them the bill.

And what about the millions of apartments going up in the city? Those show flats need designing. I’d just flick through the pages of ‘Elle Decoration’ and do a bit of ordering on line.
But hold on … Lebowski didn’t work did he?

OK - Let’s forget it! Silly idea anyway.

KAZ

Wirelessness

My unsecured wireless network is a bit unreliable.

Before I get arrested by the Mossos - I'll sign out for a few days and see you on Tuesday morning.

Perhaps I'll see Richard Gere on the way back.

Be Good.

KAZ

Flying with the Soaps

I I once read an interview with Phil Spector. He said that he had walked onto a plane, looked round and walked straight off again because all the passenges looked like losers.

This wasn´t true of the passengers on yesterday´s early morning flight from Manchester to Barcelona. They all looked smart, attractive and urbane - with the possible exception of Kev.

And guess who was on the plane.

None other than ...

Yes Audrey - Sue Nicholls.

Non Corrie persons may remember her as the lovelorn secretary in Reggie Perrin.

She looked great (excellent highlights) even though she must have been up since 4.30am. We were both wearing waist length denim jackets - hers was blue, mine ws black. Doubtless they will now become the top Autumn fashion for women of a certain age.

She was with Alan Bradley (her husband). remember he was the Corrie villain who tried to kill Rita on Blackpool prom. He ended up under a tram.

He was looking a bit fed up - as you would if you hadn´t had an acting job since 1989, your wife was a top star in a top international soap, your hair had turned grey and you´d been up since half past bloody four in the morning!!!

YES, I´m here again

But only for a week - after which I´ll be home alone.

KAZ